Here are some pics of Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor in a bikini in Miami. Oh, wait… on second thought, that might actually be one of the Williams sisters. It’s hard to tell from that angle.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Tennis ace Serena Williams had a blood clot the size of a grapefruit removed from her lung back in February, so I wouldn’t feel right saying something mean about the way she looks right now. Instead, I’ll just pose the following two rhetorical questions to you: 1) When did King Kong start wearing bikinis? and 2) How am I supposed to finish breakfast now?
In Miami with friends this weekend:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
This picture leaves me feeling very conflicted. I look on the right, and I go, “Oooh”, and then I look to the left and I go “AAAH!!”. One of them is Kelly Rowland, who is a female, that much is certain. (Yay!) And the other one is Serena Williams, whose chromosomes say “XX”, but that uncomfortable feeling inside me says, “I don’t know what the hell it is, but oh God it’s going to kick my ass”.
Ever wonder what “The Green Mile” would have looked like if they’d shot it on the beach instead of a prison? And if instead of wearing overalls, Michael Clarke Duncan had worn a bikini? Mr. Jingles would have probably killed himself. There’s just no “taking back” that kind of fugness.
Serena “John Coffey” Williams with Common and Russell Simmons in Miami:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
I don’t know about you, but I think Aaron Gibson looks pretty good in bold geometric prints. I’ve never seen him in anything other than the Chicago Bears signature navy and orange, so this is really branching out for him. I think the monokini might be his best look yet.
Serena Williams lumbering frolicking in Miami on Friday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online
I can’t believe ESPN would put Ugly Wanda on the cover of their ‘Body Issue,’ because Jamie Foxx isn’t even a real athlete. He only played one in “Any Given Sunday.” That’s fraud, buddy!
Ever wanted to know what a full-grown adult male silverback gorilla would look like in a bikini? Well, here you go. Make sure you don’t look it directly in the eye. My Zoo Books say they perceive that as a threat.
Serena and sister Venus Williams at the beach on Sunday:
Serena Williams is obviously so impressed with her own ass that she can’t take her hands off it. She’s got the deathgrip on that sucker. Is she honking it? Is she making it talk? It’s like it’s got a life of its own, it’s that big. I half expect it’s a parasitic organism, kind of how Voldemort was living of the back of Professor Quirrell’s head. Notice how no one’s looking at where her hands are? She Who Must Not Be Named strikes fear in the heart of all who gaze upon Her.
At the Sony Ericsson Tennis Tournament kickoff party in Miami
Have you ever lain awake in your bed at night imagining tennis ace Serena Williams naked and clutching an artfully placed bouquet of flowers? No? Well, uh, what about Mike Tyson, then? A minotaur? Asiatic black bear? Michael Clark Duncan? Oh, come off it already. So maybe it’s not flowers covering her asscrack in your fantasy. Maybe it’s a tennis racquet and a feather boa. Or a tranquilizer gun and a strap-on. Whatever. The little details aren’t important. What’s important here is that I’m about to make all your dreams come true, baby, and I’m not even asking for your credit card number.
The entire probably LSFW shot from the last issue of Jane magazine after the jump. Remember, it’s still a naked lady with flowers over her crack, in case you work in a church office or something. Pervert.
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