Actor David Duchovny and wife Téa Leoni announced yesterday that they are separating, but NOT because David’s a pervert who just spent a month in sex rehab (although I’m sure that couldn’t have helped). The real reason behind the split? According to the Daily Mail:

It was not his ’sexual compulsion proclivity’ that caused the break-down of their marriage, but rather his discovery of explicit text messages on her mobile phone sent by actor Billy Bob Thornton. Five-times married Billy Bob met Téa when they made a comedy film together earlier this year called Manure.

The couple are separating after 11 years and two children.

Going from Fox Mudler to that deviant who used to pork Angelina Jolie during the heroin and cutting phase is like swapping out Marv Alberts for the goddamn Marquis de Sade. I hope Téa invested in a good genital cuff and several different kinds of broad-spectrum antiviral agents, because you can bet your sweet bippy she’s gonna need ‘em.

Page Six is claiming that David Duchovny’s mysterious sex addiction is to internet porn, but Rush and Molloy have a different story. The real reason David Duchovny has checked himself into pervert prison? He “wantonly” cheated on wife Tea Leoni with floozies on the set of “Californication”

Earlier this week [on FoxNews.com], a friend of Duchovny’s scoffed at claims that [he] was unfaithful to [his wife], suggesting that [Duchovny] was hooked on porn.

But The National Enquirer reports that Leoni “finally caught him [cheating]. Tea gave him an ultimatum: ‘Get treatment or our marriage is over. At first, Duchovny tried to lie his way out of trouble, but eventually was overwhelmed with guilt and confessed.”

US Weekly concurs that Duchovny “has a history of indiscretions,” [claiming] he put the moves on an extra on Californication. “They ended up making out,” alleges a source. “She later heard this wasn’t the first time he’d taken special interest in an extra.”

I don’t know what to believe. Wasn’t there an episode of the X-Files where this ESP guy who could see how people would die in the future told Mulder that “auto-erotic asphyxiation wasn’t the way to go?” That would suggest he was probably more of a chronic masturbator. But there was also an episode of Californication that was about him having sex with lots of different women as many times as possible. Pretty much the whole series, yeah. So, following that school of thought, he’d be a whoremonger.

But what to make of those episodes of The Red Shoe diaries where he was always pictured walking alone down a set of train tracks? I’d say all signs point to “hobo-killer,” possibly “runaway circus clown with schizophrenia.” That definitely makes the most sense here. Three cheers for deductive reasoning!

In some seriously disturbing WTF? news, X-Files actor David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation center for sex addiction. Another case of life imitating art? According to People Magazine

“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” the actor says in a statement. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

Duchovny, 48, has been married to actress Téa Leoni since 1997. They have two children, daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6.

Wow. And I thought your mom telling the media that she boned your dad died to death and handed him over to the EMTs buck naked so they could see his boner mortis was embarrassing. Once again, never underestimate the debauchery of Hollywood! There’s always another actor waiting to out-Caligula-fy you just around the bathroom stall corner.

Bill Murray’s wife of ten years is suing for divorce on the grounds of his drug addiction, physical abuse, adultery, abandonment and a partridge in a pear tree. People Magazine says

According to Jennifer Murray, the actor’s alcohol, marijuana and sex addictions were among the reasons she felt forced to [separate]. The filing adds that Bill Murray once “hit his wife in the face and then told her she was ‘lucky he didn’t kill her.’” She has also requested a restraining order against her husband

The Murrays signed a prenuptial agreement in which Bill would pay his wife $7 million in a divorce, but she has asked the court to determine whether the agreement is valid.

When asked if the disturbing allegations made by his wife were just an attempt to solicit a bigger payout in the proceedings, Bill said, “Yeah, I definitely smell a rat. I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.” Marriage might be fleeting, but “Caddyshack” is forever!