Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.

No, for realsies.  It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all.  But Parker did say this:

“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.

Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.

“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.

Gross.  Like a baked good?  The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat?  Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde.  Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.

In the December ‘09 issue of Elle Magazine:

I’m not a gay man or a bitter divorcee desperately clinging to what’s left of my rapidly-waning sexuality, so I don’t really give a shit about the Sex and the City sequel. But there are a lot of you out there that are super-excited about the movie, which includes this “surprise” cameo by Miley Cyrus. Pacific Coast News said

“Kim Cattrall and Miley Cyrus shoot a scene for “Sex and the City 2″ where they turn up for a movie premiere in the same outfit! The premiere was for a movie called “Heart of the Desert”, which appeared to star Samantha’s (Kim Cattrall) boyfriend Smith (Jason Lewis). The dresses were by Matthew Williamson.”

When asked for comment on her makeup, Miley reportedly said, “It’s simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.” Why so serious, Miley?

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Yowza! The last time I saw knees this sexy, I was at the elephant exhibit at the zoo! Now, I have no problem whatsoever with women showing their age. I just don’t get how someone who’s 53 has knees like she’s 73. I don’t think even my grandmother has knees like that, and she’s been deceased 27 years. Have they been subjected to excessive wear and tear?Hint, hint. Well, she’s in show business, isn’t she? I think that about answers the question.

Now you finally have an answer to that old joke: what do you get when you cross Madonna with a horse? No, I meant besides pages 6, 24, and 83-87 of her Sex book (although page 85 is a technically a donkey if you look close enough). The trick is not to interpret the question literally. Then the joke’s not funny at all. Kind of like this post, if you really think about it. Looks like the joke’s on you, suckas!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin, Splash News

Boy, the the lead guitarist from Poison has really let himself go. Who would have thought the years would have been so unkind to someone as talented as C.C. DeVille?

Look what the cat dragged in (get it?):

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin

To mole or not to mole: that is the question on the set of the Sex And The City sequel. The Daily Mail says

[After] the actress had a procedure last summer to have her famous mole removed, it seems the make-up artists on set have had their work cut out for them.

While filming yesterday, the brown beauty mark could clearly be seen back in place on her chin, which seems to have been applied for continuity.

Parker was filming a flashback scene yesterday as she stepped into an Eighties outfit of skinny jeans, an off-the-shoulder jump and Converse trainers, complete with permed hair… depicting the then-twentysomething character’s arrival in New York in the Eighties.

Well, fan of the mole or not, I think we can all agree on one thing here: Dee Snider from Twisted Sister has never looked more beautiful. Zing!

“Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell’s wart. Not her wart. I’m… I’m the wart. She’s my tumor”:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

Thousands of women and gay men gathered outside Leicester Square for “Sex and the City’s” London premiere yesterday. The big buzz, of course, was Sarah Jessica Parker’s hideous hat, which served as a welcome distraction from decidedly mixed reviews of the film. The Times of London says

“There may be a problem with a film when a narrator constantly tells you the meaning of what you have just seen. There may be a problem with stretching Sex and the City into a two hour and twenty minute film - it can feel like a never ending dinner party: however pleasant the courses, after a while you can hardly eat another one.”

But of the hat:

Parker topped her custom “pistachio prom-style” Alexander McQueen dress with a made-for-her hat from legendary designer Philip Treacy. Parker’s piece included butterflies, a giant lime-hued rose, some greenery and an acorn top.

All the hat was missing was a mischievous squirrel who pops out at regulated intervals while Benny Hill zips around on a tiny bicycle to campy theme music. That’s probably all the movie was missing, too. You can never have too many impish rodents in a movie, I always say. I also say “God’s wounds!” and “Galatiriel’s beard!” from time to time, but they don’t really apply here. It’s best to save those kind of spirited exclamations for a round of mead at ye old tavern or an online chat with your coven. Frolicsome squirrels, on the other hand, are always comedy gold.¹ You can quote me on that one.

¹_{“Caddyshack,” anyone?}

An explicit photo of what is believed to be “Sex and the City” star Kristin Davis tongue-bathing some fat guy’s wiener made its way online yesterday. The source of the photo claims the picture is actually a screen cap from the actress’ soon-to-be-available sex tape, but I find that a little hard to swallow¹ because A) Kristen dresses her dogs in little sweaters, as evidenced above, and B) anyone who starred in two Tim Allen flicks back-to-back is clearly into masochism and not your run of the mill fellatio. There should be doilies and cat figurines and maybe a gimp mask somewhere in the background. It just doesn’t add up.

¹_{Pun intended!}

See the NSFW photo made magically LSFW via my mad Photoshop skillz after the jump.

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Are you prepared to get “Carried away” this way May? Yeah, me neither. The official Sex and the City movie trailer finally arrived online today. To be honest, I liked this movie better when it was called “Golden Girls” and aired in syndication on the Lifetime Network. This version has way too many Blanche Deverauxs. It’s like watching those women in television commercials who sit around the table discussing the trouble with their brand-name denture adhesives/irregularity/bone density talking about waxing their beavers and doing anal instead. In New Line’s defense, “cinema gold” and “cinema old” sound a lot alike. Of course, so does “cinema gold” and “enema mold,” but that doesn’t always translate to a box office success, either.