Nicole Kidman dishes about sex and marriage in a more-than-you-ever-wanted-to-know interview in next month’s GQ magazine. The Daily Mail quotes her as saying:

‘I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy,’ she said.

But she described her present marriage as ‘raw’ and ‘dangerous’.

‘You work on it,’ she said. ‘It’s a very extraordinary, adventurous place to be: incredibly raw, incredibly dangerous.’

“Raw” and “dangerous?” I’m sorry — isn’t she married to Keith Urban? The only thing “raw” about that guy is maybe his ass cheeks because his leather pants were so tight they chafed. He’s about as dangerous as a retard wielding a pair of safety scissors and a giant foam finger.

Looking like a wax statue at the Omega store on Fifth Avenue last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Former child star Mackenzie Phillips will be a guest on Oprah today to talk about her new autobiography “High On Arrival” — and specifically, about her incestuous relationship with her own father. Feel free to stop and shudder with revulsion right there. Star Magazine says

She writes that she was 19 when her dad John Phillips — from the ’60s band Mamas and the Papas — slept with her on the night before she was to marry Jeff Sessler.

“On the eve of my wedding, my father showed up, determined to stop it,” writes Mackenzie, who was already a heavy drug user. “I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything too. Eventually I passed out on his bed… I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father. Had this happened before? I don’t know. All I can say is it was the first time I was aware of it.”

Their sexual relationship continued, she reveals in the book. She traveled with him and his new band, they did drugs together went to rehab together and — shockingly — even talked about running away together.

“One night Dad said, ‘We could just run away to a country where no one would look down on us,” she writes. “There are countries were this is an accepted practice.”

Jesus, there’s no reason to leave the country just to have sex with your child. Just buy a double-wide and move to West Virginia. Done and done. You don’t even have to burn any air miles!

Dita von Teese promoting her new Wonderbra because it’s not incest:

Megan Fox loved getting her lezzie on with costar Amanda Seyfried in the new Diablo Cody movie “Jennifer’s Body,” but Amanda was obviously intimidated by making out with someone so unbelievably hot and rife with raw insecurity sexuality. At least that’s the way Megan saw it. She told Us Magazine

“I felt more comfortable kissing [Amanda] in the movie than kissing any of the other people that I had to kiss. [But] I think she was extremely uncomfortable. I don’t think that — I know that. She was not comfortable and there was a lot of laughing — like, giggling fits that happened in between takes.

[But] I’m pretty sexy in it.”

Because God forbid anybody think anyone other than Megan Fox is sexy in this movie. Especially not Amanda Seyfried. Only Megan can be confident in her sexuality! That’s kind of her schtick, you know? So is being insipid, over-compensatory and one-dimensional — and I’m not just talking about Diablo Cody’s screenplay! Ba-dum chish!*

^{* That’s TWO in one day! I better go lay down now before I hurt myself.}

Even more Jennifer’s Body stills:

Remember the night cops were called to Jon Gosselin’s residence when he refused Kate entry to his home? It seems Kate’s 8-year-old daughters were the ones who made the call to their mother asking her to come get them because Jon was groping the babysitter and they didn’t like having to watch it. Ooh, Daddy likey! The kids, not so much. According to Star Magazine

Cara and Mady were so upset about Jon and sitter Stephanie Santoro — a wannabe nude model who he took on for sitting duties after meeting her in a bar — that they put in a panicked call to mom.

Kate rushed to the house but Jon wouldn’t let her in and cops were called after the parents of eight got into a screaming match.

So who is the latest woman in sleazy-stud Jon’s life? We have the full dirt from her ex-boyfriend, who calls her “crazy” and tells us: “That girl is a danger to the kids. My message to Kate would be to not allow her children to be around her.”

Wait, there’s more! Remember the Star Magazine reporter fired for doing sexy times with Jon? Now that he’s dumped her, she’s ready to talk. Kate Major told Life and Style Magazine

“Jon said he couldn’t be seen having a girlfriend, so he told me to drive to a neighbor’s house after midnight, when the kids were asleep. He said he’d pick me up on his four-wheeler, take me to his house and drop me off again at 6 a.m.

I was shocked and said, ‘No, I don’t feel right doing that. What if the kids wake up?’ He was like, ‘They’re not going to notice, they’re not going to see anything.’ He wasn’t nervous about it — I was.”

And of Jon’s relationship with Kate’s plastic surgeon’s daughter Hailey Glassman, she adds:

“When we were in the Hamptons, we were planning to go to Las Vegas. Now he’s taking Hailey — and that was a trip we had planned together. Jon told [me] he was going to Massachusetts to break up with [Glassman]. But when he left on June 23, [he] shut his phone off. When he finally called [me] back, he said ‘he needed to be single.’ He totally screwed me over and acted like a dirtbag.”

Well, good for him. Jon’s really doing his part to make sure that his daughters understand that a father’s love is conditional and their self-worth is really at the mercy of his wiener. It’s not like porn stars and strippers grow on trees, you know. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere!

With Hailey in France:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Hello, my pretties!  It’s Sarah today.  Abby’s decided to extend her stay in Mexico, but she’ll be back just as soon as that teensy legal issue gets cleared up.  Judges are such fuddy duddies!

In the meantime, let’s discuss the possibility of Lindsay Lohan as a powerful treatment for sex addiction.  Russell Brand is a raging sexaholic, but apparently he’s got his limits.  He’s not willing to enter the walking biohazard that is Miss Lohan.  From The Sun:

Li-Lo has been trying to cosy up to the Forgetting Sarah Marshall star at various Hollywood parties over the last few weeks.

Her latest attempt at seducing Russ was at his new best friend P DIDDY’s annual White Party last weekend. But he politely declined her advances. But apparently Lindsay’ s immature behaviour and desperate attention-seeking is a massive turn-off for Russ.

A source said: “Lindsay is a very good-looking girl and she is used to getting what she wants. Russell has been on her radar for a while now but he doesn’t want anything to do with her.

“He finds her constant craving for attention and her heavy drinking a turn-off. It’s not like he is short of female attention anyway.”

Russell Brand is constantly willing to bang cheap slags that look like this, but he won’t touch Lindsay Lohan even with some other dude’s ten foot pole.  Poor Lindsay.  That’s gotta sting, and if she were ever sober for more than twenty consecutive minutes, she’d probably be lucid enough to realise she’s the world’s most used up 23-year-old.

After four years of marriage and two kids, Jennifer Garner has resorted to weekly sessions with a sex therapist to keep the spark alive with husband Ben Affleck. Perhaps anal was out of the question. Star Magazine says

The 37-year-old actress has been spotted several times in recent weeks with noted author and therapist Dr. Holly Hein.

“Jennifer has had some ups and downs with Ben, and she likes to check in with Dr. Hein once in a while,” says a source.

They talk tips on keeping the romance alive and dealing with Ben’s need for attention.

“Jennifer doesn’t want to lose him,” [the source adds]. “She’s in this for the long haul.”

Look, you don’t need fancy therapy and self-help books to keep your marriage interesting. That’s what alcohol and video cameras are for.

Frumping it up over the last two months:

Holy hell, men are useless sometimes.  Get a load of this nonsense published in today’s SunUK:

One in three men would prefer to play video games than enjoy sex with their other halves, shocking new research revealed today.

And nearly three quarters of blokes said they would give up the chance of a romp with their partners to play a brand new game.

Reasons men gave for choosing to bash their buttons rather than opt for naughty frolics ranged from partners “being hard to please” to “not being as much fun”.

Specialist PlayStation3 site www.PS3pricecompare.co.uk questioned 1,130 men who were in relationships for the study.

When asked “Which would you prefer; sex with your partner or an evening playing video games?”, 32 per cent of men said they would prefer to play video games.

But that number shot up when the question changed to include “new video games”.

And almost half of those questioned said that if given £50 to spend they would buy a video game, with only 3 per cent spending it on the bills.

Mike Elsmore, developer of PS3pricecompare.co.uk, said: “I, like many other men, am an avid gamer, but even I find these results startling.”

Whatever, boys.  Sounds like we ladies have literally no use for you anymore.  You seriously think we want to feed you and clean up after you if you’re not even going to have the common courtesy to defile us every once in awhile?  Think again.

Megan Fox might have called off her engagement, but it seems she just can’t quit the Green Peen. According to Star Magazine

It appeared Megan had relocated to a nearby hotel, but [according to a source], “she returned both nights to stay over with Brian.”

So why can’t they stay away?

Despite their problems, they have a superhot sex life. “They’ve had problems with every facet with their relationship — except in bed,” says a friend… “she’s ‘addicted’ to sex with Brian.”

There are worse vices to have, I suppose. You could compulsively eat the stuff you scrape out of your bellybutton. All I know is Brian Austin Green’s wiener better be ten inches long and open a portal into another dimension. It’s the only way this makes any goddamn sense.

Shopping for furniture together yesterday:

In case you forgot, Sienna Miller is a slut. Remember this and this? Also this. And don’t let’s forget this, from today’s NY Daily News:

We were a little curious when we caught Sienna Miller exiting the men’s room during Montblanc’s/UNICEF dinner in Hollywood, and downright intrigued when we saw she was being trailed by a short, straggly haired gent … whom she didn’t speak to again that night.

In her defense, I can think of a couple of reasons a woman might take a partner into the men’s bathroom. Maybe the toilet was clogged and she didn’t know how to use a plunger. Maybe there was a big hairy spider on the seat. Or maybe she just needed some sweet, sweet penis action up against the side of a urinal. Like mom always said, when there’s a will, there’s a way! Of course, she was talking about college, but I think it still applies here.

At the Montblanc UNICEF dinner:

Freakshow Nadya Suleman claims she hasn’t had sex in 8 years, and that she won’t be dating for another 18 years, until her kids are grown up. The New York Post reports,

Nadya Suleman, 33, insisted she hasn’t been with a man since well before her eldest son, who is 7, was born though in vitro fertilization.

“I can’t remember the last time I went on a date,” Suleman told The Sun newspaper of London, after she was asked when was the last time she had sex. “Boyfriends? I think I’d have to be extremely selfish. I cannot maintain a social life and be a mother.”

Suleman promised to abstain from men until all her kids have grown up and flown the coop.

“To even take 1 percent of every night and devote it to someone else, a stranger, would be wrong,” she said.

“I have to wait for that until my youngest have left school.”

Ha! I really appreciate her attempt to sound like a responsible parent, but gee, having kids to try to fix your childhood issues of isolation kind of makes whatever you say irrelevant. Plus, not having sex hasn’t kept her from being a damned baby mill, now has it? I don’t wonder at all that she hasn’t had a date in forever. Having someone else to consult with about having a child is so tedious and is an unneccesary roadblock to achieving your goal of looking like a queen ant.

Arriving at the Bellflower hospital where her 8 babies are being taken care of.

British singer Lily Allen recently opened up (pun intended) about her lesbian three-way with identical twins. Processing… processing… and nope, I still don’t care about her. She told the Gay Times

“I did once snog identical twins in San Diego. I was on the sofa and I had them both. I was dancing and shoving my ass on one of them. That’s the only time, but I have lesbian dreams a lot.”

She might have called it a “three-way lesbian romp with twins,” but I have another name for it: incest. Really, I can’t imagine anything worse than doing the nasty with my own sister. Except maybe doing it with Lily Allen. Please excuse me while I go gouge out my mind’s eye now.

Photo shoot for “Interview” Magazine:

Now that “Girls Next Door” star Kendra Wilkinson has moved out of the Playboy mansion and gotten engaged, she’s spilling the beans on what it’s like having been Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend. Namely, that she had to sneak out of the house to get a little non-82-year-old wiener action from time to time. She told The Sun

“Besides the nights we went out, I only saw Hef, like, once a day walking through the halls to his office - there were never solo dates. I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it.

[Fellow girlfriend and co-star] Bridget [Marquardt] told me that she’s been faithful all these years, and I was like, ‘How the hell can you do that?’ I had to have sex so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.”

I’m sure you felt less like a human being and more like a sea bass futilely sucking on worm-scented Goby lure. You could probably have just as much fun with five inches of uncooked bread dough and a couple of kiwis in an old stretched-out gym sock.

Kendra Wilkinson cheating on Hugh at the House Bunnies Party: