I’m sure you’ve lost many a good night’s sleep this week wondering if Cameron Diaz and Alex Rodriguez had really broken up. Well, worry no more, my friends — Cammy and A-Rod are on like Donkey Kong. And by no means is that a racist slur directed at Mr. Rodriguez. Page Six says:
Alex Rodriguez and Cameron Diaz shared a romantic weekend in LA, despite recent reports the pair had split.
The Yankee slugger and actress looked cozy at Soho House on Sunday night at the MTV Movie Awards after-party. They were also spotted having lunch and holding hands at the club in West Hollywood on Thursday.
A source told us, “Alex has been staying with Cameron while the Yankees were in Anaheim.”
And furthermore, Cameron claims she’s an insatiable lover with a ravenous appetite for all kinds of dirty monkey love. EDITOR’S NOTE: That is also not a racial slur directed at Mr. Rodriguez. She told Britain’s the News Of The World (via the Daily Mail):
“Sex is my favorite sport. And what’s the quickest way to get me in the mood? I’m always in the mood!”
With that muscular physique, piercing eyes and a neck boasting sinews like riggings on a brigantine, there’s no denying the raw sexual appeal of such an impressive physical specimen. I’m talking about Cameron, of course. When it’s either have sex with her or arm wrestle her, the smart man picks the one that hurts less.
Ho-hum. Lady Gaga’s constant sexually-themed quotes are getting old. I sometimes think she sits around trying to think of something shocking to say. Celebrity Fix says,
Gaga has revealed to US Vogue magazine that performing on stage is her ultimate turn on.
“Sometimes, being on stage is like having sex with my fans,” said the 24-year-old.
“They’re the only people on the planet who, in an instant, can make me just lose it.”
You know, I’m starting to think that she’s really a virgin and she’s making all this crap up. It could be she’s like Allison Reynolds from the Breakfast Club. She lies about having all these sexual experiences, wears weird clothes and does strange shit to get attention because she’s neglected by her workaholic parents at home. Maybe all little Stefani really needs is a hug! I don’t think I’d be up to giving her a hug, since I really don’t like her. Do you think a punch would suffice?
I’m not sure who’s getting the shorter end of the stick here–and both of them are getting short ends, it’s just a matter of who’s got it worse. Miley Cyrus has been seen getting all cozy with Joshua Bowman, who “briefly dated” Amy Winehouse. Um, ew? Says Daily News,
Cyrus was spotted cuddling over the weekend in a Los Angeles park with Josh Bowman, her “Undercover” co-star.
In a video obtained by TMZ, the two can be seen sitting on the grass with Cyrus lying in Bowman’s lap. The actor has his arms wrapped tightly around his leading lady.
“So Undercover” reportedly finished shooting last month, with a source describing the pair to E! Online as “inseparable” at the wrap party.
This isn’t the first time Cyrus has grown close with an on-screen lover (or a foreign one, at that).
The Australia-born Liam Hemsworth, 21, dated the actress-singer for more than a year after meeting on the set of “The Last Song.” They split in November.
As for the 22-year-old Bowman, he briefly dated fellow Brit Amy Winehouse in 2009.
I don’t care if Bowman’s junk hasn’t been near Amy Winehouse’s Cave of Horrors since 2009, being in that stank-hole has got to have lasting repercussions. It’s got to be like the nuclear fallout from Chernobyl. It may look safe until your hair starts to fall out and your future kids have an extra arm growing out of their foreheads. You don’t even want to mess around with that shit.
Gossip Girl star Leighton Meester talks sex, drugs and rock and roll in the January issue of Allure magazine. Us Weekly says:
“We had craaaazy parties — bands, an ice luge, a fire twirler,” the actress, 24, [says] of sharing a North Hollywood pad with a group of pals in her late teens.
“We would go out all the time,” she tells the mag. “I definitely got to have some experiences.”
One thing the singer isn’t a big fan [of: dating.]
“I don’t see the point in dating,” Meester tells Allure. “I hate it. [But] it’s definitely wonderful to… have sex.”
Long story short: she likes to booze it up and sleep around. So basically, her life reads just like my eHarmony profile. See, I have way more in common with celebrities than you think!
“Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Camille Grammer is threatening to unleash a series of sex tapes she made with ex-husband Kelsey Grammer if he doesn’t cough enough dough in their divorce settlement. Star Magazine says:
“Camille fully intends on staying a very rich woman,” a friend [reveals]. “She wants a ton of money in the settlement. And she’s willing to do whatever it takes to retain her lavish lifestyle.”
“Camille likes to remind Kelsey all the time that she has dirt on him. And she’s so upset over him dumping her for young flight attendant… she’s ready and willing to embarrass him if he doesn’t give her a huge alimony payment,” the friend revealed.
And while Kelsey would be red-faced over the tapes going public Camille is far less shy. In fact, she’s already posed for Playboy and starred in two mainstream erotic movies in the 1990s.
I guess Frasier does know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs after all. Excuse me while I go gouge out my mind’s eye.
It seems to be physically impossible for David Arquette to shut his stupid piehole about his and Courtney Cox’s “trial” separation, because he phoned into Howard Stern’s radio show for a second time yesterday to tell the world that they didn’t have a prenup and that he cried after having sex with another woman. The Daily Mail says:
Arquette [revealed that] the couple didn’t have a prenuptial agreement, meaning Arquette could get half of Cox’s fortune, which he said is worth around $100 million dollars.
The actor [also] revealed that he slept with a blond Australian he met at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. He went on to claim that it wasn’t a great or satisfying experience, explaining it lacked “that emotional love that I always had with Court.”
“After the first girl I slept with… a few days later, I was, like, crying,” he confessed. “It was the end of all the intimacy I shared with my wife. It was like a new thing. It was like… putting that away.”
I don’t understand all the hullabaloo. So he cried after sex. Big deal! I always cry after sex. And usually during. And then again when I’m in the shower scouring my genitals with Pinesol and reciting I Corinthians 6 verses 18-20.
Mary Katherine Gallagher might have liked to smell her own armpits, but at least she didn’t go sniffing other people’s BO like Drew Barrymore. Says Digital Spy,
Drew Barrymore has said that she likes to keep hold of boyfriends’ sweaty t-shirts so that she can smell the love between them.
The Whip It director revealed to Bang Showbiz her belief that a person’s scent can evoke powerful feelings of passion, desire and devotion.
“Love smells good – like somebody’s skin,” she mused. “It’s amazing to me that, when you fall in love with someone, you just start to love the way they smell.
“If I have to go away from someone I say, ‘Wear this t-shirt for five days in a row, then I’m going to take it with me’.”
Barrymore also argued that sex has the power to ruin a friendship: “Don’t tell me it hasn’t happened to you. You f**ked a friend and you’re like, ‘S**t, it’s not going to be the same. We had everything. Why did you f**k me?’ And then you can’t be friends any more.”
Oh yeah, I know all about smelling love. It’s that smell that my ex had when he’d come home from a night out with the boys at Flesh Nightclub. It had top notes of dirty coochie along with a blossoming heart of overflowing ashtray and a trailing endnote of shame and degradation. It might sound like a cheap enough scent, but it ended up costing almost the whole of our savings.
The first whore to surface in the Tiger Woods sex scandal is going to let the whole world see where Tiger put his pee-pee. I just hope for their sake both her parents are already dead. TMZ says
Rachel Uchitel has signed a deal to get naked for Playboy Magazine.
A source close to the mag tells us Rachel has the right to pull out any time before the shoot goes down — which is in three weeks.
I don’t care how many call girls and mistresses responsible for bringing down high-profile marriages Hugh Hefner puts on the cover of his magazine, it still doesn’t change the fact that in this day and age, Playboy is virtually obsolete. There’s still the merchandising and the reality shows and the image is still marketable, yes, but the days of guys driving to the store to buy soft-core porno mags are over. It’s called “the internet.” You might have heard of it. Al Gore invented it a few years back. No one in their right mind is gonna pay six bucks to stare at a bowl of plain airbrushed noodles when they could have an entire all-you-can-masturbate double penetration buffet. In this economy, people want to get the most bang for their buck.
Some moms embarrass their sons by calling them baby names in front of their friends. Some try to speak their kids’ lingo. But Christina Aguilera has other plans. OK! Magazine reports,
With the release of her latest video with its raunchy S&M theme, Christina Aguilera says she’ll never stop being sexy just because she’s a mom.
Xtina’s raunchy new video for “Not Myself Tonight” features the former teen star dressed as a dominatrix in skin-tight latex.
“Mama still has to be me,” the singer told Access Hollywood. “I never claimed to be a cookie-cutter soccer mom. That’s all good for some people. Not for me.”
Although some might think the video is too racy for a woman with a two-year-old son, Christina says she’s just being an artist.
“He’s going to grow up in a household where he knows mommy expresses herself artistically and some of that will have to reflect itself sexually too at times,” she said about little Max Bratman.
“He’s going to learn to respect the fact that women are allowed to express themselves and not feel shameful about their bodies or their sexuality.”
If Mommy wants to get up on the dinner table and do a striptease at Max’s Boy Scouts’ meeting, well now, that’s just Mommy being an artist. They don’t teach you about S&M, orgies and ball gags in those handbooks, you know!
This is one of Hugh Hefner’s many ex-hookers girlfriends Karissa Shannon, out with her new boyfriend. Well, I don’t think there could be more of a contrast between the two. One is ancient, white, saggy all over, relies on a pill to be able to copulate, which is probably like having sex with a bag of cottage cheese, while the other is young, black, and probably has a penis the size of Hef’s bruised-old-man-skinned forearm. I’d say it’s a step up.
Good morning kiddies, it’s Sonya today. Let’s play a word association game, okay? What do you think of when you hear the name John Mayer?Singer/songwriter? Ladies’ man? Giant man-puss? White supremacist dick? Pubes-face? Sometime in the near future, you may think, porn director. Says Digital Spy,
John Mayer has reportedly been approached to direct a porn film.
The Battle Studies singer is believed to have been offered a role shooting one of Vivid Entertainment’s upcoming X-rated titles after the 32-year-old said that it is his “dream” to shoot an erotic movie.
According to Contactmusic, the company’s founder Steven Hirsh sent Mayer a letter that read: “We believe your incredible talent and passion, which have touched so many, can translate into a highly erotic adult film. Your understanding of the dynamics of relationships would undoubtedly appeal to both men and women.
“I think that together we can create a highly unique breakthrough film that will appeal to your millions of fans. Please call me at your convenience so we can discuss our working together. We’re all enthusiastic about hearing about your vision.”
What he’s really saying is, “You’re a giant pussy and we’re hoping you can think of some really sappy sentimental elements to squeeze in there in between the polydactyl midgets and Mexican jumping bean buttplugs that will hopefully get us more female viewership.” Tell it like it is, I always say.
Remember how back in the day Madonna was such a big fan of sex that she wrote a whole book about it? These days, the thrill of shoving her sinewy feet into new shoes is so much more gratifying. Says Female First:
Renowned designer Jimmy Choo says the ‘Celebration’ hitmaker – who was previously married to director Guy Ritchie and actor Sean Penn – admitted she loves his creations far more than getting intimate with the men in her life.
He said: “Madonna told me that buying a pair of my shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man.
“At least you know they are going to last for ever!”
It seems 51-year-old Madonna – who is currently dating model Jesus Luz, 23 – has had a change of attitude to sex since her marriage to Guy ended.
Before their split, she boasted about their “amazing” love life.
She said: “I don’t know who told you that having children and getting married means there is no erotica in your life.
“Our sex life is amazing. But I had to marry someone as tough as me. Guy’s definitely tough. I had to marry a challenge, otherwise I would just get bored. Whatever else Guy is, he’s never boring. He can be intolerant.
Oh yeah, Madonna’s tough all right. The problem is, she’s gotten so tough that screwing her must be like getting a rubdown with 220 grit sandpaper. Rather buy shoes than have sex, indeed.
