Levi Johnston, best known as “the guy who knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter,” will be posing nude in a photo shoot for gay men’s magazine Playgirl. The Daily Mail says

Levi Johnston, the ex-lover of Mrs Palin’s 18-year-old daughter Bristol, is training three hours a day, six nights a week at a gym in Alaska in preparation for the shoot.

Mr Johnston has been working out with Marvin Jones, a former Mr Alaska competitor who has put the teenager on a low-carb, high-protein diet.

No date has been set for the Playgirl photo shoot, but it is expected to be previewed by the end of the year.

Mrs Palin’s representatives did not respond to a request for comment on the Playgirl job.

So Levi Johnston will be showing the world his johnson. Ha ha, get it? Johnston, johnson? It’s a wiener joke. I wouldn’t want a joke that subtle to slip right over your head.

Not showing his wiener in GQ:

I was all ready to make some hackneyed joke about how “me likey the lychan,” because I was pretty sure Kellan Lutz was one of the werewolves in the new Twilight movie, and the technical name for werewolves is lycanthropes. Comedy gold, right? Yeah, I thought so. But then I thought, “Hang on, I better check to make sure that’s right,” because God forbid I say that dude’s a werewolf when he’s actually one of the Dolturi or whatever the hell they’re called. So then I find myself scouring the internet for Twilight plot analyses and character bios when suddenly it occurs to me — “I’m fucking scouring the internet for Twilight plot analyses and character bios.” Frankly, they just don’t pay me enough for that shit. You can do the research your own damn self.

I’m assuming more than a few of you have subjected yourselves to those heinous Twilight books, and thus are aware of the fact that New Moon is, by far, the worst book in the whole series (which is seriously goddamn saying something, since every page you read of those books will make you exponentially dumber).  For those who had the sense to stay far, far away from the books but still wish to suffer, it’s your lucky day!  Here’s the new, extended trailer for New Moon:

Vampires and werewolves and retards, oh my:

It’s good to know that if “Entourage” ever gets canceled, Adrien Grenier can always find a job saving you hundred of dollars on car insurance. GEICO: so easy a caveman can do it!

Nice crack goatee, Sasquatch:

David Duchovny does absolutely nothing for me, but I know many of my fellow womenfolk find his weirdly off-putting countenance to be swoon worthy.  Because I like to help my bitches out — even when I don’t understand their twisted needs — here are a bunch of pictures of him at the beach, many of which are shirtless.  You’re welcome, ladies!

Mr. Posh Spice David Beckham unveiled images for the new Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign at Selfridges in London today.  I don’t really have a whole lot to add here.  Pictures of athletic men in their undershorts generally tend to speak for themselves, I feel.

Beckham for the Emporio Armani fall/winter underwear campaign:

Launching the new campaign at Selfridges in London:

The first promo pic has been released showing Mickey Rourke decked out as villain Whiplash for next summer’s Iron Man 2.  I don’t read comic books, but I consulted The Google and learned that the movie character will be a combination of the comic book characters Whiplash and Crimson Dynamo, and… okay, look.  Let’s not kid ourselves, people.  Mickey Rourke is neat-o and I have no doubt that he’ll bring an interesting element to the hopefully asskicking Iron Man sequel, but this is really all just an elaborate excuse to post shirtless pictures of Robert Downey, Jr. again.

Rawrrrrr:

Here’s Hugh Jackman at LAX after flying in from someplace, and before you ask, I have no idea why he’s acting so totally unreasonable.  Why the hell does he have a shirt on?  Wolverine has no business wearing shirts, and I don’t even want to talk about that jackassy hat.

Arriving in LA wearing way too many clothes:

Dressed far more appropriately:

Hugh Jackman has once again proven himself the consummate celebrity, indulging hundreds of fanboys (and fangirls) with a complimentary breakfast after they camped out all night long to see his latest movie. Sigh! Swoon! The NY Daily News says

The “Wolverine” star dropped a grand total of $4,308.87 on breakfast for 800 fans who had camped outside a Tempe, Ariz., movie theater the night before the latest “X-Men” flick premiered. The bill covered 67 breakfast trays worth of bagels and muffins, as well as 80 gallons of coffee.

In an industry rife with insufferable douchebags and self-important asswipes, it does my heart good to post a story like this one. It warms the heart and — okay, I’m not going to lie anymore. I mostly did it to put up more pictures of him without his shirt on. That he was gallant and thoughtful was just icing on the metaphorical sex cake. Mmm… sex cake. I’ll take two, please!

Holy Mary Mother of God:

August 29th, 1997, 2:14 a.m. Eastern Standard Time: Skynet becomes self-aware.

April 17, 2009, 12:19 p.m. Eastern Standard Time: Women the world over become self-aware. Of their vaginas. Rowr.

Various pictures of David Beckham shirtless:

Robert Downey, Jr. stopped by ShoWest to introduce preview footage for Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes, which doesn’t come out until December.  ComingSoon has a pretty detailed description of the footage, but the only really important part is this:

There was a quick-cut montage of more action scenes before a scene where a maid walks into a room and screams, dropping the tray she was carrying.  We cut to Downey chained to a bed naked except for a pillow covering his genitals, and he asks her to remain calm and that under the pillow is the “key to his release” and the shocked woman runs out screaming.

Eeeeexcellent.  So is it December yet?

…no?

How ’bout now?  Is it December now?

Goddammit.  In the meantime, here’s some shirtless RDJ to tide you over:

If you’re into pubescent boys with bird chests and masses of eyebrow hair, today is your lucky day — it’s thirteen seconds of Joe Jonas of The Jonas Brothers shirtless from their new craptacular 3D movie. You can go back to third period Algebra or prowling the mall parking garage in an unmarked van now.