Attention whore Bai Ling was arrested for shoplifting from an airport gift shop earlier this week. You may remember Bai Ling from such hits as “She Hate Me” and “My Baby’s Daddy” and her signature “injured pelican” moves on the dance floor. What could have led such an obviously talented girl to steal in the first place, you ask? Why, a relationship gone sour, of course. According to People magazine

The 37-year-old former Playmate was arrested Wednesday at Los Angeles International Airport after reportedly shoplifting $16 worth of celebrity magazines and batteries from a terminal convenience store. It was an “emotionally crazy” day, she explained to E! News on Thursday. She was coping with the “huge problem of breaking up [before] Valentine’s Day,” [adding], “Wrong boyfriend.”

It’s a relief to know she wasn’t wrongfully arrested. I just assumed she’d wandered too close to a display stand in the shop and — unbeknownst to her — lanced a couple of magazines and a pack of batteries with those (NSFW) monstrously long nipples of hers. Seriously, she’s like the saber-tooth tiger of nipples. But as Gary Coleman once said, “It’s hard to be a three-inch long nipple in a quarter-inch nipple world.” Side note: that quote also makes for an unforgettable toast at your sister’s wedding. Cheers!