Trying to pick which Cruz sister is hotter is like trying to decide between having bacon or sausage for breakfast. You know it’s all from the same delicious animal… but still. Any fried meat enthusiast worth his weight in Lipitor would say the only real solution is to wrap the bacon around the sausage and stuff it in with both hands. So bon appétit, perverts!

Monica Cruz in Spanish Elle:

Penelope Cruz in Vanity Fair:

No, that’s not a pair of evil banshees on a baby-harvesting mission– that’s Nicole Kidman and What Nicole Kidman Might Look Like Without All The Botox And Plastic Surgery, or “Antonia” as the rest of the family calls her for short. She is Nicole’s three-years younger sister, who if you believe a word out of Nicole’s mouth must have spent the last decade of her life in a food dehydrator. Nicole told the Daily Mail

“I’ll never have Botox. I’ve always been against that and seeing Botox on TV with all the swelling and pain put me off it anyway. The directors always allow actors with Botox but I just say. ‘No way, not for me.’

Drinking lots of water, eating fruit and doing yoga is what keeps me looking young naturally. I swear by it. I also use creams with natural ingredients to make wrinkles less visible. Everybody should try these things rather than going the plastic route, which I just hate.”

I believe the scientific term we’re looking for here is “liar, liar pants on fire.” I’m sure Nicole would be raising her eyebrows in vehement protest right now if her glabellar muscles weren’t packed full of botulinum poison.

Antonia at the ASTRA Awards in Sydney last night:

The latest Madonna Louis Vuitton ad has made its way online, a seamless blend of vintage glamour and gritty film noir sexuality (click banner pic for full-size). Of course, I’m presuming “film noir” is French for “from inside the seventh circle of hell.” I don’t know because I don’t speak the language of surrender, as it were. But Frog or not, you have to admit that Louis sure knows what he’s doing. Nothing makes me think “leather bag” like a 50-year old woman’s hoo-ha. Except maybe a catcher’s mitt that’s been left out in the rain or an old bean bag chair that’s been partially deflated and trampled by children, but those things just don’t have the same kind of artistic resonance.

What Madge would look like without all the plastic surgery and placenta wraps — her 4-years-younger sister Melanie: