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Much like Megan Fox’s face, Yeeeah is currently in the process of a complete cosmetic overhaul and reconstruction so we can improve your viewing experience. 2013 promises to be a year of exciting changes and personal growths like you haven’t seen since the early days of puberty! The new Yeeeah will be sleeker, firmer, even tone hips and thighs while bolstering your immune system.* Make sure to check back soon!

*laboratory tests inconclusive; results not typical.

It’s Veteran’s Day, that magical time of year when we hunt down and beat without mercy the people responsible for letting Kes$ha desecrate our flag like that. It’s what our forefathers would have wanted.

Anyway, I’m going to be thanking a serviceman today, so Joe will filling in for me in the meantime. And possibly again soon, if these evening goes the way I think it will. And it usually does.

Apologies for the lack of updates yesterday. Hurricane Sandy gave my internet and cable providers no quarter. I also gave them no quarters, which could also account for the service interruption. Who knows. Either way, the power is back, and my neighbor’s wifi isn’t password-protected, so posting will resume as scheduled!

Apologies for the lack of updates — due to an ongoing arson investigation circumstances beyond my control, I was indisposed most of yesterday and this morning. Posting will resume as scheduled, although possibly under an assumed name and with a Spanish accent.

Miranda Kerr in a bikini in this month’s VS catalog as penance (and if you like her bikini, get a cheaper Topshop version of it here!):

A word of advice: never, NEVER mix sleeping pills with Southern Comfort and Nepalese stick hash, or you’ll wake up missing two days and one of your kidneys. It’s a hard lesson to have to learn. Being a cautionary tale definitely has its downside. You never know how much you love your renal function until it’s gone.

Posts will resume as normal once the antibiotics kick in and I stop vomiting blood. In the meantime, here’s some photos of Kaitlyn Leeb, the three-boobed hooker in the new Total Recall:

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