It was Mother’s Day this past Sunday, and I hope all of you took the time to thank your mothers for wiping your ass for the first three (or in my case, seven) years of your life, and for suffering through every last one of your lame-ass middle-school band concerts, and for letting you ravage her once-intact birth canal and turn it into raw hamburger with bladder control issues. Trust me, being a mom is a lot harder than it looks. A little bit of you dies every time you sit through Sesame Street on Ice or have to construct a diorama of the African Serengeti using uncooked pasta and glitter glue. So to those of you with scars on your feet where Legos and plastic army men embedded themselves in your heels, I salute you. In honor of mothers everywhere, here’s Betty White on this weekend’s SNL. Enjoy.

See what motherhood has done to Christina Aguilera here, one more Debbie Downer skit after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

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Long-gone are the days of matching dress shirts and Sears family portraits — Jon Gosselin is whining to anybody who’ll listen that his soon-to-be ex-wife Kate is preventing him from seeing twins Cara and Maddy on their 9th birthday. According to the NY Daily News

Jon claims she wrote an email to [him] saying, “Due to recent events, it will be too stressful to the kids to have both of us here as planned. I would like to split the evening so they can see us both.”

“She’s trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on their birthday because she doesn’t want to see me,” the dad claimed. “She can’t tell me what to do. I’m not going to allow it. I’m just going to stay. I own the house so I can do what I want.”

As for how he will behave once inside the family’s $1 million home, Jon said he will act like “my old self, as an avoider and passive.”

Did you get that? He’s an “avoider” and “passive.” Ah, the comfort of the psychobabble label! Is there any warmer a teat at which to suckle away any sense of personal responsibility for one’s actions? No, seriously. I’m really asking. God knows the tequila I’ve been nursing for the last six years sure isn’t doing me any favors.

Kate making fun of her controlling mommy image on Jay Leno last night:

I dare you to find something unfunnier than Madonna and Lady Gaga’s Saturday Night Live skit. Other than my last ten posts, I mean. That’s not really even trying.

UPDATE: Now with equally unfunny screen cap action!