Now that he’s finished with sex therapy, Tiger Woods has checked into The Meadows treatment center in Arizona to kick his addiction to painkillers and sleeping pills. The New York Post says

Woods’ drugs of choice are said to be the sleep medication Ambien and painkiller Vicodin.

“In [sex] therapy, Tiger blamed a lot of his cheating behavior on his drug addiction, saying that the drugs were responsible for impairing his judgment,” an anonymous source [said].

The golfer’s lovers have said he enjoyed mixing Ambien and sex to heighten pleasure.

I can barely point the car in the right direction when I’m wacked out on painkillers, much less hit a tiny ball with a little stick and make it land within three feet of a hole 200 yards away from me. The inside of Tiger’s head must look like the goddamn targeting system of a F-14 Tomcat.

billy joel daughter suicide

Billy Joel’s 23-year-old daughter Alexa Ray was rushed to St. Vincent’s Hospital on Saturday after attempting suicide by ingesting a bunch of sleeping pills. The New York Post says

Medics were called to Alexa Ray Joel’s Bethune St. apartment in the West Village at approximately 12:21 p.m. [on Saturday]. A female caller told a 911 operator that Joel had taken several pills and wanted to die.

Cops are treating it as an attempted suicide.

“Alexa is stable. Her doctors are assessing her needs and that’s all we can say at this moment,” said Alexa’s and Billy’s personal publicist.

Joel was conscious at St. Vincent’s Hospital, and is expected to survive.

Well, this certainly was a long time coming. Just look at her. Her mom’s Christie freakin’ Brinkley, and she looks like something you’d get when you cross the Elephant Man with a pug with hydrocephalus. I bet she could even make blind kids cry.

Shopping in Manhattan on Sunday after being released:

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