Interview magazine has Scarlett Johansson doing the semi-androgynous S&M thing on the cover of their December issue. Apparently Scarlett Johansson can get away with leather lederhosen, but when I wear something like that it’s “indecent exposure” and I get maced.
This is supposed to be “The Dark Side of Paris Hilton” in V Magazine’s Transformations Issue, but she’s not made up to look like a Sith lord. All they did was digitally shave two inches off her nose and hit the airbrush until she was completely unrecognizable. They could have put Darth Vader’s helmet over her head and she’d still look more like Paris Hilton than this bitch does.
The talk of the evening at last night’s 2011 Billboard Music Awards was supposed to be Britney Spears 2003 VMAS-esque lesbian kiss with Rihanna during their S&M performance. It wasn’t. All anyone can talk about this morning is Beyonce’s spectacular Run the World performance. Honestly, it was so choreographically impressive and well-staged that you almost forget the song sounds like someone stuffing a kazoo in and out of a hippopotamus’ ass while reenacting “Stomp” in wooden clogs.
Beyonce’s Millenium Artist Award tribute + Run the World performance (FF to the 3:07 mark to skip the tribute video):
In case she hasn’t made it blisteringly obvious through her latex wardrobe and her stupid “S&M” song, Rihanna wants you to know she has a thing for sadomasochism. She tells the upcoming issue of Rolling Stone (via the Daily Mail):
“I love to be tied up and spanked. Using whips and chains is too planned… you have to stop and look for the whip. I prefer them to use their hands.
I like to take the reins in my life, but I enjoy being submissive in the bedroom. In there I can be a little lady and have a male who has responsibility for the situation. That’s sexy.”
I bet Chris Brown is just kicking himself right now. If he’d only had the foresight to physically restrain her with a seat belt before he beat the hell out of her, it would have been foreplay, not assault. I guess that’s what they mean when they say hindsight is 20/20.
Bankrupt and desperate Nadya Suleman has finally found a way to save her house and keep her 14 human larvae from starving: she let somebody videotape her flogging a man wearing a bonnet and a diaper and sell it on the internet. Check and mate, foreclosure! TMZ says:
Octomom stars in a fetish video, in which she whips a grown man wearing a baby diaper and a bonnet.
The video was shot recently in her L.A. area home. The video shows Nadya Suleman, dressed in a black corset [and] black leggings [whipping a man] in the diaper so much so he has welts on his back.
The video is being shopped for sale. We’re told both Nadya and the dude have signed the model release so it can be sold.
In these economic times, you have learn to make some sacrifices. Like your dignity and self-respect, for one. There’s no rate of return on integrity. At least that’s what the guy at the bank told me as he was unzipping his pants.
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
I have yet to watch a single episode of “Glee,” mostly because I was in chorus in high school and I know exactly how fucking lame it really is. Whatever they’re selling in that show, it’s all lies. Nobody in glee club wears PVC boots and rubber underpants. We wear headgear and what’s left of the hot lunch that got dumped in our lap. And occasionally a festive brooch when performing a Christmas melody in the Glendale Mall food court.
Glee star Lea Michele getting a little S&M-y in next month’s Marie Claire:
I don’t know if these pictures of Lady Gaga in CKM are new or just recycled from an old photo shoot, and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna root through all 2,463 pictures of her in a vinyl gimp mask with electrical tape on her nipples to find out. I’m so fucking over that whole “deviant sexuality” thing everybody’s hawking these days. Ooh, she’s so dark. Ooh, she’s so edgy. Ooh, she’s so controversial. Ugh. Too bad pushing the envelope never results in a real-life paper-cut on the taint.
Some moms embarrass their sons by calling them baby names in front of their friends. Some try to speak their kids’ lingo. But Christina Aguilera has other plans. OK! Magazine reports,
With the release of her latest video with its raunchy S&M theme, Christina Aguilera says she’ll never stop being sexy just because she’s a mom.
Xtina’s raunchy new video for “Not Myself Tonight” features the former teen star dressed as a dominatrix in skin-tight latex.
“Mama still has to be me,” the singer told Access Hollywood. “I never claimed to be a cookie-cutter soccer mom. That’s all good for some people. Not for me.”
Although some might think the video is too racy for a woman with a two-year-old son, Christina says she’s just being an artist.
“He’s going to grow up in a household where he knows mommy expresses herself artistically and some of that will have to reflect itself sexually too at times,” she said about little Max Bratman.
“He’s going to learn to respect the fact that women are allowed to express themselves and not feel shameful about their bodies or their sexuality.”
If Mommy wants to get up on the dinner table and do a striptease at Max’s Boy Scouts’ meeting, well now, that’s just Mommy being an artist. They don’t teach you about S&M, orgies and ball gags in those handbooks, you know!
The video for Christina Aguilera’s new single “Not Myself Tonight” is scheduled to hit the interwebs at 12:01 this morning, but you can have a little preview of it here. The Daily Mail says
The 29-year-old singer dons a red bra and knickers set as she poses provocatively in front of a fireplace, before wearing an outfit made entirely made of chains with just pointed pasties to maintain her decency.
She also appears to have a ball gag in her mouth in the clearly S&M inspired video.
In another shot, Christina wears a revealing cut-out swimsuit while bending her body into sexy poses.
What an apropos title! Clearly, she’s not herself tonight. She appears to be Madonna circa 1995 and Lady Gaga six months ago. I guess the title “Trite and Uninspired” just didn’t resonate with the big guns at Sony.
Sonya’s in tomorrow, so I’ll see you snarky bastards on Monday!
Another tell-all book about Brangelina is about to hit the shelves, this one filled with shocking allegations like “Angelina Jolie was into S&M before she met Brad Pitt.” I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself. Nine MSN says
‘Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: The True Story’ claims that Angelina and [British actor] Ralph [Fiennes] would meet for regular kinky sex sessions at a hotel in London. “They would order room service and watch the news together in bed afterward.”
The book also claims Ange slept with Mick Jagger when he was still married to his wife Jerry Hall back in the nineties, and that Ange still had something going on with Ralph and with her ex-husband Johnny Lee Miller when she first met Brad.
“Hollywood will be rocked by these revelations about Brad and Angelina,” claims the author.
I doubt anyone will be “rocked” by these allegations. Angelina Jolie wore a vial of blood around her neck and was into heroin for a while, so dabbling in a little S&M seems par for the deviant course. Now if they told me Angelina was into reenacting Civil War battles and building model railroad layouts to scale, then I might be shocked. And possibly a little turned on. I mean really, who would have ever thought we’d have so much in common?
Brangelina + the kiddies in Paris yesterday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
Adam Lambert wants you to know that his father is totally cool with his son’s simulated oral sex and S&M-laden shitty performance at the American Music Awards. Don’t you wish your dad was that hip and with it? MTV.com goes on,
The “Idol” runner-up also took some time to clear up rumors that have been floating around about him. “I haven’t started a makeup line. I might, but I haven’t yet,” he said. “My father was rumored to be mortified by what I did [at the 'American Music Awards'] and that we’re not speaking. That’s a rumor. … I think Bill O’Reilly perpetuated that. Lovely man. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. [My dad and I] were laughing about it … so that was a rumor.”
Dad’s a real pal. I bet he washes his butt plugs for him and everything.
Here he is at the Z100 Jingle Ball, looking like a complete tool.
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