Besides the accusations of wheelchair porn and sex addiction, “insiders” close to Katy Perry claim that her soon-to-be-ex-husbandRussell Brand was often less than supportive of her career. Us Magazine says:
When the singer guest-hosted Saturday Night Live, the British comic turned down Perry’s plea to perform in a skit with him.
“He told her that she wasn’t that funny,” an insider says of Perry’s skits parodying Pippa Middleton, Christina Aguilera and others. “That really hurt.”
Good for him. She wasn’t funny. God knows it needed saying. The only reason anyone even tolerated any of her shitty skits was for the tits, so she should shut her mouth and get back in her cage and dance like the metaphorical street monkey she is. Shock and titillate me, woman! I’ve got American dollars!
Promoting her new fragrance Meow — I know, I’m embarrassed for her:
After all the hullabaloo and brewhaha (yes, people say “hullabaloo” and “brewhaha”) surrounding Alec Baldwin’s unceremonious removal from an American Airlines flight last week, the Thirty Rock actor decided to make an appearance on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live to issue a public apology… to himself… as Captain Steve Rogers, the pilot of the flight he delayed because he refused to turn off his damn phone before takeoff. After apologizing to himself profusely, he actually says at one point, “Alec Baldwin is an American treasure,” which would have been hilariously tongue-in-cheek had I not thought he honestly believed every fucking word he was saying.
Helen Mirren’s magnificent sexagenarian titties got their own skit on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live (video below), and while you may have seen her in a bikini and topless in the tub, you haven’t experienced the wonder that is her bosom unless you’ve grappled them for yourself. Only then can you truly bask in all their splendor and glory. But don’t think this gives you free license to grope any senior citizen you see. The ladies in my grandma’s bridge club wasn’t nearly as cool about it as Helen was.
Now that he’s amassed the most Twitter followers EVER in 24-hour period, Charlie Sheen took to UStream to broadcast his own live webcast Saturday night. Just like iCarly, but with more nicotine and KY stains. The Daily Mail says:
The show, called Sheen’s Korner, streamed live on UStream.tv and attracted 104,000 viewers in the first 15 minutes.
The actor, who was visibly sweating in a black T-shirt with a green dollar sign on it, was joined by his assistant [and one of his] girlfriends at his Sherman Oaks home.
Reading from a series of cue cards and notes Sheen delivered a radio-type show to fans [and] revealed a new ‘winning’ tattoo on his left wrist.
He also said he was watching himself in Apocalypse Now on a loop and showed the camera a scene where Harrison Ford’s character tells him to ‘terminate with extreme prejudice’.
He ended the show by reading poetry and promising to return the next night. ‘Trolls beware,’ said Sheen before the screen went blank.
After the spectacular “media tsunami” Charlie’s been commandeering for the last two weeks, Sheen’s Korner proved to be huge disappointment. Unless you have an hour and a bottle of Wild Turkey to kill, you’re better off watching Bill Hader’s version on SNL this weekend (after the jump).
Charlie’s smokin-hot ex-wife Denise Richards in L.A. yesterday:
It’s all sour Scientology grapes at the Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise funny farm. Xenu doesn’t have a sense of humor and so has commanded them not to attend this year’s Oscars because Anne Hathaway made fun of minion Katie. Says Huffington Post,
Anne Hathaway’s ‘SNL’ impression of Katie Holmes was so good that it may actually keep Holmes and husband Tom Cruise away from the Academy Awards this year, The Daily Mail reports.
Hathaway, this year’s Oscars co-host with James Franco, spoofed Holmes in a November episode of ‘Saturday Night Live,’ playing a gaspy, “complex,” and confused version of the former ‘Dawson’s Creek’ star. Apparently, it was either so insulting — or so spot on — that Holmes and Cruise are enraged enough to boycott the show, unwilling to run into Hathaway.
The Daily Mail quotes a source saying that Holmes and Cruise felt betrayed by the nationally televised impression, given what they considered a solid friendship with the ‘Love and Other Drugs’ star. When Hathaway broke up with boyfriend Raffaello Follieri in 2008, Cruise and Holmes took Hathaway to a Tina Turner concert, the ultimate salve.
“Katie feels they were really supportive at a difficult time so she feels let down that Anne took to national TV to make fun of her,” the source told the paper.
Shortly after the show, Hathaway defended the impression, saying that she didn’t mean to make fun of Holmes herself.
“I was a teenager when ‘Dawson’s Creek’ was airing, and I was a pretty avid fan, so it just sort of came from that,” Anne told The Hollywood Reporter (via Access Hollywood). “It wasn’t really Katie Holmes; it was more [her 'Creek' character] Joey Potter.”
Everybody already thinks of Katie as an uptight robot-twat (RoboTwat?) so she could have done herself a favor and laughed it off in good humor. But instead she and shorty have to go take their toys and leave the sandbox in a huff.
UPDATE:Popeater exclusively reports that “…a spokesperson for Cruise tells PopEater that it is “not true and made up” and that the famous pair had no plans of attending the Oscars before Hathaway’s somewhat unflattering skit.” Uh-huh, sure. Did they add a “Nanny-nanny boo-boo” to that?
The offending skit (skip to the 2:20 mark for Anne Hathaway’s performance):
Katy Perry finally had an opportunity to address the controversy surrounding her choice of outfit for her Sesame Street cameo last week, and she did it with the usual grace and aplomb you’ve come to expect. That is, she stuffed her tits into a five-sizes-too-small Elmo shirt and bounced up and down and shimmied and shook like someone suffering a Ritalin-induced seizure on SNL this weekend. Check and mate, you stupid uptight parents!
Because her pre-taped segment for the VMA’s was so darn funny, Lindsay Lohan has decided she’s going to host Saturday Night Live and show the world she poke fun at her drunken whore image. Again. The NY Daily News says;
Lohan is in conversations to host “SNL” on Dec. 4, according to a source familiar with the deal.
The NBC late-nighter would give Lohan 90 minutes to prove to those who may still care about her career that she is employable after a string of run-ins with the law and rehab stints.
Yep, nothing says cinematic bankability like hosting SNL. Just ask Tom Green or Macauly Culkin. They wouldn’t be where they are today if they hadn’t!
For some reason this picture of Pete Wentz reminded me of that character “Pat” from SNL, and now I can’t stop giggling and making the Pat nasally moaning sound. Nnnnnnyeeeehhhhh!
It was Mother’s Day this past Sunday, and I hope all of you took the time to thank your mothers for wiping your ass for the first three (or in my case, seven) years of your life, and for suffering through every last one of your lame-ass middle-school band concerts, and for letting you ravage her once-intact birth canal and turn it into raw hamburger with bladder control issues. Trust me, being a mom is a lot harder than it looks. A little bit of you dies every time you sit through Sesame Street on Ice or have to construct a diorama of the African Serengeti using uncooked pasta and glitter glue. So to those of you with scars on your feet where Legos and plastic army men embedded themselves in your heels, I salute you. In honor of mothers everywhere, here’s Betty White on this weekend’s SNL. Enjoy.
See what motherhood has done to Christina Aguilera here, one more Debbie Downer skit after the jump:
Tiger Woods hasn’t been seen since publicly since his Thanksgiving night accident, but not because of an overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment — it’s because wife Elin Nordegren went and busted out all his fronts before he drove his car into a tree. Star Magazine says
“Elin confronted him about texting Rachel [Uchitel] and flew into a rage,” a source close to Tiger tells Star. “She apparently threw the phone at his mouth and broke one of his teeth.”
The incident didn’t stop with the dental damage, either.
Elin then grabbed a golf club and chased him around the house, doing tens of thousands of dollars in damage,” the source continues. “He ran out to the car barefoot to get away from her and was in such a state of panic that he crashed.”
Another insider confirms Tiger’s tooth trauma,” Elin went psycho that night. He couldn’t make an appearance in public after that. He was scared for his life.”
Well, to be fair, his teeth take up about 70% of his entire goddamn face, so it’d be hard not to hit him square in incisors when throwing something at his head. You’d have a harder time not hitting one of his 500 chompers than you would breaking out a couple with your cell phone.
And now, for a remarkably accurate reenactment of events:
It’s no secret that I hate teenagers with a passion usually reserved for ethnic minorities and the New York Yankees. I hate their stupid text speak and their stupid acne-riddled faces. I hate their stupid Twilight franchise. I hate their impenetrable unawareness of what insufferable douchebags they are. So by all accounts, I should hate country singer Taylor Swift… but I don’t. In a world of egotistical oversexed Miley Cyruses and Britney Spearses, she remains humble, self-effacing, down-to-earth, and wholesomely cute. I can’t find anything bad to say about her. Trying to make fun of her is like trying to make fun of a burn victim with Down’s Syndrome. Not to say it can’t be done, but it really doesn’t feel all that great while you’re doing it. Sorta like having sex with an Asian dude.
Just when you thought you couldn’t possibly hate Madonna and Lady Gaga any more than you do right now, they go and do something like this:
Madonna and Lady Gaga continued their catfight from “Saturday Night Live” well into Sunday — they got into a one-on-one dance-off at SoHo hot spot Submercer at a Sunday night birthday party for Madge’s manager. “[The DJ was] alternating their songs ‘Holiday’ and ‘Poker Face,’ and then they both started going at it,” says an onlooker. “Madonna seemed to be the winner. People were going wild.”
There’s not any video of the real dance-off, but just imagine two shemales in S&M attire vogue-ing and thrusting like they’ve got tardive dyskinesia and you’ve pretty much covered it. It’s like my Dad always said — “it’s not really a birthday party unless a tranny pulls a groin muscle.” Of course, “until a little kid throws up from crying so hard” seemed to suffice until I went away to college. Asshole.
Lady Gaga looking more beautiful than she ever looked in her life this past summer:
