Rihanna was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live this weekend, where she performed a stirring rendition of her musical masterpieces “Birthday Cake” and “Talk that Talk.” And by “performed” I mean “she slapped at her puss the whole time like it was swarming with fire ants and Japanese hornets.” But the real trick is coming up with a clever name for her new signature dance move so it will catch on. I myself like The Beaver Pelt or The Clam Slam, but I have yet to hear back from her people.
Rihanna and her visible nipple on the set of “Where Have You Been” (video after the jump):
Fresh from her string of hit movies legal and financial woes, Lindsay Lohan will be reprising her role as host for Saturday Night Live. It’s kind of sad when the only role you can get is one where they’ll expect you to make fun of yourself. Says Daily Mail,
When she last appeared on Saturday Night Live in 2006 she was still riding a wave of success after starring in two hit films.
So there will be plenty of material to mine for the writers of the comedy show when Lindsay Lohan hosts the show for the fourth time on March 3.
And while she does not have any projects to promote, she will no doubt be hoping appearing on such a high-profile spot will help her get her career back in gear.
The appearance will also give the 25-year-old’s fans something to talk about besides her ongoing legals woes.
Mean Girls star Lindsay seems very excited about the opportunity, tweeting: ‘SNL! I love @NBC !!!!!!!!!!!!!’
She is a big fan of the show, and even referred its executive producer Lorne Michaels as a mentor and father figure.
However she has also been annoyed at the programme, even sending Michaels a letter last year saying she was upset by the show repeatedly making fun of her.
But isn’t that what fathers do? Make you stand up in front of people and make fun of yourself? At least Lindsay will be getting paid for it. My dad thought that I should entertain his drinking buddies by having me do “Where is Thumbkin?” with my polydactyly hand for free.
Not looking a day older than 45 at the amfAR New York Gala:
Besides the accusations of wheelchair porn and sex addiction, “insiders” close to Katy Perry claim that her soon-to-be-ex-husbandRussell Brand was often less than supportive of her career. Us Magazine says:
When the singer guest-hosted Saturday Night Live, the British comic turned down Perry’s plea to perform in a skit with him.
“He told her that she wasn’t that funny,” an insider says of Perry’s skits parodying Pippa Middleton, Christina Aguilera and others. “That really hurt.”
Good for him. She wasn’t funny. God knows it needed saying. The only reason anyone even tolerated any of her shitty skits was for the tits, so she should shut her mouth and get back in her cage and dance like the metaphorical street monkey she is. Shock and titillate me, woman! I’ve got American dollars!
Promoting her new fragrance Meow — I know, I’m embarrassed for her:
After all the hullabaloo and brewhaha (yes, people say “hullabaloo” and “brewhaha”) surrounding Alec Baldwin’s unceremonious removal from an American Airlines flight last week, the Thirty Rock actor decided to make an appearance on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live to issue a public apology… to himself… as Captain Steve Rogers, the pilot of the flight he delayed because he refused to turn off his damn phone before takeoff. After apologizing to himself profusely, he actually says at one point, “Alec Baldwin is an American treasure,” which would have been hilariously tongue-in-cheek had I not thought he honestly believed every fucking word he was saying.
Helen Mirren’s magnificent sexagenarian titties got their own skit on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live (video below), and while you may have seen her in a bikini and topless in the tub, you haven’t experienced the wonder that is her bosom unless you’ve grappled them for yourself. Only then can you truly bask in all their splendor and glory. But don’t think this gives you free license to grope any senior citizen you see. The ladies in my grandma’s bridge club wasn’t nearly as cool about it as Helen was.
Now that he’s amassed the most Twitter followers EVER in 24-hour period, Charlie Sheen took to UStream to broadcast his own live webcast Saturday night. Just like iCarly, but with more nicotine and KY stains. The Daily Mail says:
The show, called Sheen’s Korner, streamed live on UStream.tv and attracted 104,000 viewers in the first 15 minutes.
The actor, who was visibly sweating in a black T-shirt with a green dollar sign on it, was joined by his assistant [and one of his] girlfriends at his Sherman Oaks home.
Reading from a series of cue cards and notes Sheen delivered a radio-type show to fans [and] revealed a new ‘winning’ tattoo on his left wrist.
He also said he was watching himself in Apocalypse Now on a loop and showed the camera a scene where Harrison Ford’s character tells him to ‘terminate with extreme prejudice’.
He ended the show by reading poetry and promising to return the next night. ‘Trolls beware,’ said Sheen before the screen went blank.
After the spectacular “media tsunami” Charlie’s been commandeering for the last two weeks, Sheen’s Korner proved to be huge disappointment. Unless you have an hour and a bottle of Wild Turkey to kill, you’re better off watching Bill Hader’s version on SNL this weekend (after the jump).
Charlie’s smokin-hot ex-wife Denise Richards in L.A. yesterday:
It’s all sour Scientology grapes at the Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise funny farm. Xenu doesn’t have a sense of humor and so has commanded them not to attend this year’s Oscars because Anne Hathaway made fun of minion Katie. Says Huffington Post,
Anne Hathaway’s ‘SNL’ impression of Katie Holmes was so good that it may actually keep Holmes and husband Tom Cruise away from the Academy Awards this year, The Daily Mail reports.
Hathaway, this year’s Oscars co-host with James Franco, spoofed Holmes in a November episode of ‘Saturday Night Live,’ playing a gaspy, “complex,” and confused version of the former ‘Dawson’s Creek’ star. Apparently, it was either so insulting — or so spot on — that Holmes and Cruise are enraged enough to boycott the show, unwilling to run into Hathaway.
The Daily Mail quotes a source saying that Holmes and Cruise felt betrayed by the nationally televised impression, given what they considered a solid friendship with the ‘Love and Other Drugs’ star. When Hathaway broke up with boyfriend Raffaello Follieri in 2008, Cruise and Holmes took Hathaway to a Tina Turner concert, the ultimate salve.
“Katie feels they were really supportive at a difficult time so she feels let down that Anne took to national TV to make fun of her,” the source told the paper.
Shortly after the show, Hathaway defended the impression, saying that she didn’t mean to make fun of Holmes herself.
“I was a teenager when ‘Dawson’s Creek’ was airing, and I was a pretty avid fan, so it just sort of came from that,” Anne told The Hollywood Reporter (via Access Hollywood). “It wasn’t really Katie Holmes; it was more [her 'Creek' character] Joey Potter.”
Everybody already thinks of Katie as an uptight robot-twat (RoboTwat?) so she could have done herself a favor and laughed it off in good humor. But instead she and shorty have to go take their toys and leave the sandbox in a huff.
UPDATE:Popeater exclusively reports that “…a spokesperson for Cruise tells PopEater that it is “not true and made up” and that the famous pair had no plans of attending the Oscars before Hathaway’s somewhat unflattering skit.” Uh-huh, sure. Did they add a “Nanny-nanny boo-boo” to that?
The offending skit (skip to the 2:20 mark for Anne Hathaway’s performance):
Katy Perry finally had an opportunity to address the controversy surrounding her choice of outfit for her Sesame Street cameo last week, and she did it with the usual grace and aplomb you’ve come to expect. That is, she stuffed her tits into a five-sizes-too-small Elmo shirt and bounced up and down and shimmied and shook like someone suffering a Ritalin-induced seizure on SNL this weekend. Check and mate, you stupid uptight parents!
Because her pre-taped segment for the VMA’s was so darn funny, Lindsay Lohan has decided she’s going to host Saturday Night Live and show the world she poke fun at her drunken whore image. Again. The NY Daily News says;
Lohan is in conversations to host “SNL” on Dec. 4, according to a source familiar with the deal.
The NBC late-nighter would give Lohan 90 minutes to prove to those who may still care about her career that she is employable after a string of run-ins with the law and rehab stints.
Yep, nothing says cinematic bankability like hosting SNL. Just ask Tom Green or Macauly Culkin. They wouldn’t be where they are today if they hadn’t!
For some reason this picture of Pete Wentz reminded me of that character “Pat” from SNL, and now I can’t stop giggling and making the Pat nasally moaning sound. Nnnnnnyeeeehhhhh!
It was Mother’s Day this past Sunday, and I hope all of you took the time to thank your mothers for wiping your ass for the first three (or in my case, seven) years of your life, and for suffering through every last one of your lame-ass middle-school band concerts, and for letting you ravage her once-intact birth canal and turn it into raw hamburger with bladder control issues. Trust me, being a mom is a lot harder than it looks. A little bit of you dies every time you sit through Sesame Street on Ice or have to construct a diorama of the African Serengeti using uncooked pasta and glitter glue. So to those of you with scars on your feet where Legos and plastic army men embedded themselves in your heels, I salute you. In honor of mothers everywhere, here’s Betty White on this weekend’s SNL. Enjoy.
See what motherhood has done to Christina Aguilera here, one more Debbie Downer skit after the jump:
