The first photos of “Twilight’s” Kristen Stewart as Snow White turned up today, some showing her in a soaking-wet dress riding bareback on a white stallion down the beach, and some of her in a full suit of armor from really far away. See if you can guess the ones one I could afford. Now, we could go around in circles arguing about my perceived “laziness” and “constant state of broke-assedness,” but we’d be ignoring the real issue at hand here, which is clearly “Why the fuck is Snow White wearing a full suit of armor?” Good luck getting any singing squirrels and baby deer to come out of the woods and braid your hair while wearing that.

Here’s desperate attention-seeker Kim Kardashian skanking it up in another Disney costume for Halloween, this time as Snow White from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” But Kim doesn’t look like the Snow White I remember from the classic Disney movie. She looks more like that chick from “Blow White and the Seven Whores” — Easy, Gropey, Cock, Horny, Anal, and Humpy. There wasn’t a whole lot of whistling while they worked, as I recall. Mostly just screaming and moaning and the occasional gagging noise.

You know that feeling you get when you’re walking past a crazy hobo who’s spouting gibberish? That sort of panicked, where do I look oh God he’s making eye contact feeling? Well, now you can suffer through that feeling without the inconvenience of being outdoors, courtesy of America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks stars as princess Snow White, complete with poison apples, gay Prince Charming and “the Good Fierce Witch” as she introduces the makeover segment of the show (around the 3:30 mark). It’s as fucking insane as it sounds. All that’s missing is the stench of urine and Wild Irish Rose and maybe a shopping cart full of aluminum cans.

Post-makeover swimsuit shoot: