Sofia Vergara es muy caliente in May’s GQ Mexico. I would add other phrases in Spanish, but my understanding of the language is limited at best. I don’t think “Dónde está la biblioteca?” is relevant nor erotic, so we’ll just leave it at that.
Esquire’s back to their usual secret gay agenda trickery by putting Sofia Vergara in a corset on the cover of next month’s issue and stamping the word “sex” in all caps directly over her hoo-ha, figuring it’s so over-the-top and in-your-face that your average heterosexual male will hardly even notice the tiny little words printed there in the bottom corner: “14% of married men say they have had sex with a guy.” They’re banking on you not noticing until you’ve already invested in a pair of driving moccasins and started sharting Astroglide. Trust.
Despite all that Sarah Jessica Parker and Lindsay Lohan have done to dispel it as myth, Sofia Vergara is living proof that you can be over forty and still be smokin’ hot. Looks like the jig is up, ladies!
It’s usually Sofia Vergara’s rack that gets all the attention, but I’d like to point out that she also has a magnificent derrière. Mostly because I just wanted to say “derrière.”
Despite being about 10 years away from possibly crapping his pants, Robert De Niro has become a father again at the ripe old age of 68. Being around to see your child graduate high school is so overrated. The Daily Mail says:
The Oscar-winner and wife Grace Hightower De Niro, 56, welcomed their daughter through a surrogate mother, Entertainment Tonight reports.
The baby, whom they’ve named Helen Grace Hightower, weighed in at 7 pounds, 2 ounces.They also have a 13-year-old son, Elliot.
De Niro has four other children – daughter Drena, 40, and son Raphael, 35, with former wife Diahnne Abbott, as well as 16-year-old twin sons Julian and Aaron, born via surrogate with ex-girlfriend Toukie Smith.
The couple have been been married for almost 14 years but are rarely photographed together, choosing to keep their relationship out of the spotlight.
So basically he’s old enough to be his child’s grandfather. Who cares if he’ll be dead before the kid reaches 30. There’s a reason that women go through menopause–it’s nature’s way of telling couples that it’s time to close up shop. Flipping nature the bird by using rent-a-womb isn’t the answer. Messing with the natural order of things rarely is a good thing. See Joan River’s face, Seth Brundel, and that drunken night with your cousin.
Sofia Vergara in a bikini in Mexico, because geriatrics don’t do it for me.
The 69th Annual Golden Globes Awards nominations were announced this morning by the always boob-tastic Sofia Vergara. People magazine says:
Among those in the spotlight thanks to Thursday’s nominations: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling, Michael Fassbender, Michelle Williams, Charlize Theron, Rooney Mara, Tilda Swinton, Jodie Foster, Kristen Wiig, Viola Davis, Meryl Streep and Glenn Close.
Also in the running in the leading categories are Modern Family, Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones, Downtown Abbey and Homeland.
Tthe Globes also [recognized] Woody Allen for Midnight in Paris, George Clooney for Ides of March, Martin Scorsese for Hugo, Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist and Alexander Payne The Descendants.
Whoever thought to have Sofia Vergara do the announcing is a genius. Otherwise, nobody would’ve watched. But throw in an impressive set of chi-chis and you’re sure as shit paying attention now. I tell you, if Sofia Vergara had been my history teacher in the ninth grade, I might actually know what the Treaty of Versailles is.
Sofia at the CNN Heroes All-Star Tribute Sunday night (for a complete list of nominations in all 25 categories, click here):
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
“Modern Family” was the big winner at last night’s 63rd Annual Emmy Awards (click here for a complete list of winners and nominees), taking home the awards for Best Comedy, Best Supporting Actress (Julie Bowen), Best Supporting Actor (Ty Burrell), Best Director and Best Writing in the comedy category. What you may not know is that I also took home several awards last night, including Best Who Gives a Shit, Best What in Holy Hell is Happening with Christina Hendrick’s Tits, and Outstanding Roach Clip Dexterity. And I didn’t even have to dress up.
Christina Hendricks, Sofia Vergara, and Kate Winslet here; Claire Danes and Nina Dobrev after the jump:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
“Modern Family’s” Sofia Vergara is the very definition of statuesque in next month’s issue of Vanity Fair. Look out — dangerous curves ahead! I’m talking about her figure, not plotting the functions of sine and cosine on a graph. I’m saving that joke for Math Blasters next Tuesday.
Behind the scenes video from the shoot:
New and improved Pepsi products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex. Brought to you by the good folks at Gotham’s own Axis Chemicals!
Sofia Vergara here; David Beckham after the jump:
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
Pepsi’s new “skinny can” is stirring up controversy with its ad featuring a seemingly-Photoshopped Sofia Vergara. Says Digital Spy,
Sofia Vergara has insisted that photos of herself taken for Pepsi’s ‘skinny can’ were not altered.
The beverage brand received criticism on the “thoughtless and irresponsible” campaign from the National Eating Disorders Association after it was suggested that the Modern Family actress’s image had been photoshopped to make her appear thinner.
However, Vergara denied the claims, saying that she looks slimmer in the photos because of a wardrobe choice.
“That is not true at all,” she told the Boston Herald.
“I saw the pictures, and now with technology, they’re looking at it on the screen right after they take them. It was just a different way of dressing me.”
What the hell is she talking about, anyway? It’s a profile shot of her face, part of her right boob and arm. You can’t even tell it’s her. People are just always looking for a reason to be offended these days, to pick up their collective skirts and leave in a huff. Like that time I went to a Victorian-era reenactment tea in blackface. I don’t know what the problem was, I was being historically accurate.
On the set of Modern Family:
“Modern Family’s” Sofia Vergara is pushing 40 and looks like this, whereas Sarah Jessica Parker is in her early 40s and looks like this. I don’t know how to explain it, but I bet it involves desecrating a sacred Indian burial ground or pissing off an old gypsy woman.
We almost made it three weeks without a self-congratulatory celebrity ass-kissing ceremony. Almost. People Magazine says:
The Screen Actors Guild Awards [were] Sunday night L.A.’s Shrine Auditorium, a reliable prognosticator of the Feb. 27 Oscars.
Black Swan’s Natalie Portman and The King’s Speech’s Colin Firth, along with The Fighter’s Melissa Leo and Christian Bale [were the big winners of the night].
In TV honors, leading comedy actress [went to] Hot in Cleveland’s Betty White. 30 Rock’s Alec Baldwin won his fifth SAG Award as that show’s leading actor in a comedy.
Modern Family took the best comedy ensemble cast award, while newcomer Boardwalk Empire won double honors, for leading actor in a dramatic series, Steve Buscemi, and for its ensemble cast.
Thank God for Sofia Vergara, or the night would have been a total loss. Everyone else might as well have been dressed as Jay Cutler.
For a complete list of winners and nominees, click here.
Sofia, Lea Michele and Christina Hendricks here; January Jones, Natalie Portman, Nicole Kidman and Winona Ryder after the jump.
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
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