Kim Kardashian given license to record a “song” must be a sign of the Apocalypse. I think her new single might even be the theme music the Four Horsemen ride in on. Star Magazine says,

The 30-year-old star of Kourtney & Kim Take New York visited Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning with her costar sister to premiere her new song, “Jam (Turn It Up).”

“OMG about to debut my new song JAM on @RyanSeacrest!” Kim tweeted from the studio. “The song will go up on itunes, proceeds going to St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital.”

Chatting with Ryan, Kim said she was anxious about her new career endeavor. “I think it’s only normal for me to be nervous — I’m human,” she said. “I’ve never sang before. This was definitely something that I don’t do.”

After listening to the song, Ryan was impressed, calling it “fun” and saying, “I want to be in a convertible with that cranked up right now.”

Kourt showered her sis with praises too, tweeting: “turn me up turn me up dj dj turn me up…yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah! @kimkardashian new song makes we want to dance the night away…away!”

It’s really interesting that the cadence of “turn me up turn me up dj dj turn me up” syncopates perfectly with the pounding headache I suddenly got while listening to this shit. Coincidence? I think not!

At the Elton John AIDS Foundation Oscar after-party:

I had completely forgotten that Jennifer Love Hewitt ever tried her hand at pop stardom in the first place, but her boyfriend Jamie Kennedy claims she now has a country song in the works. Jennifer hasn’t released any new material since 2002′s ‘BareNaked’ album, for those of you keeping track. NME says

Hewitt’s boyfriend Jamie Kennedy [said, "Jennifer is] writing a country song. I really want to make her a new demo for her music. She’s so good.”

The only thing “country” at which Jennifer Love Hewitt has any chance of succeeding is downing an entire country ham without using any hands. Maybe she should look into that instead. It sure worked wonders for Jessica Simpson.

On the set of Ghost Whisperer:

Denise Richards absolutely butchered “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” at Cubs game charity event over the weekend. Ho-ly shit. She’s unbelievably bad. You half-expect to see glasses shattering and windows splintering as they pan over the stadium crowd. On the plus side, we finally have an answer to the age-old question that has plagued non-veterinarians for centuries: what does a cat being neutered sounds like? Now you’ll never have to wonder again!

Denise’s Funny or Die Funbags commercial after the jump

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