The Global War on Terror just got a little douchier — The Hills’ Heidi Montag and her boyfriend Spencer Pratt are heading overseas to visit the troops, inspired by Heidi’s late stepbrother’s service in the Middle East. According to People magazine

“My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq,” the Hills star [says] in an interview. “It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”

Montag’s stepbrother, Eric O’Hara, 24, died in an accident in March at the Steamboat Springs, Colo., hotel where he worked.

She’d better hope her only venue over there is a military hospital. Trust me, the only way some soldier is gonna stick around for all four and a half minutes of “Body Language” is if they’re missing their ambulatory means of escape or are completely deaf from all the roadside bombings.

The two sacks of shit posing for staged pics at an L.A. gun range:

Get ready to stomach a lot more of “The Hills’” Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. Page Six reports

Spencer was overheard pitching [a new] show to MTV programming honcho Tony DiSanto. “Spencer was saying that [his] show ‘would be just about them. No Lauren Conrad. The show [would] go through the whole lead-up to the wedding… finding a wedding planner, hunting for a dress… The show would be a mix of ‘The Hills’ meets ‘Newlyweds.’ ”

Network insiders revealed, “Heidi and Spencer definitely have a deal in the works with MTV. ‘The Hills’ is a home run. It’s their highest-rated show. MTV isn’t obsessed with the idea, but they’d be crazy not to do it.”

Interestingly, the guy on TV in ten gallon hat and buck-skin shirt told me he’d be crazy to slash prices on deals this good, but there’s no stopping Crazy Al when it comes to savings on the new 2008 Ford Super Duty® trucks! At least each Super Duty® offers stowable bed extenders and best-in-class maximum payloads of over 6,000 pounds. All MTV has is Carson Daly’s leftovers and a bunch of fake reality shows full of stupid twats. I’d say it’s pret-ty obvious who’s the crazy one around these parts.

Ever wondered how “The Hills” star Heidi Montag spends her free time? No? Well, too bad, because you’re about to find out. OK! Magazine quotes boyfriend Spencer Pratt as saying

Heidi has the most faith. She prays for anybody all day. I’ll find her on the floor praying and I’ll ask, who are you praying for, and she’ll say everybody. Praying for me and my family and our enemies and our friends. That’s what I love about Heidi.

Uh-huh. Heidi’s praying for me. I hate to break it to you, Spence, but when you find a girl with plastic tits, bleach blond hair and an insatiable need for attention on her knees in your kitchen, she hasn’t spent the morning imploring the Lord on your behalf. She’s been sucking off the dude with the chub hiding in your pantry. On the plus side, if you ever need to borrow a sweaty naked guy with an uncomfortable erection for the evening, now you’ll know right where to look. Talk about your time-saver!

Heidi feeling the Holy Spirit or something like that:

Because it’s your fault I’m awake before lunchtime — again — I’d like to be the first to offer you a big bowl of Spencer Pratt Genital Pie^TM. The National Enquirer reports

An inside source [claims] Spencer’s actually got a sex tape of his own that shows him and a few buddies exploring the, er… hills and valleys of some smokin’ hot Brazilian babes! The alleged Samba Land group grope was lensed way before [he] became betrothed [to Hills co-star Heidi Montag], but the source says Spencer showed the tape to a Hollywood video editor and repeatedly asked him to spruce it up – saying he might secretly release it into the marketplace while claiming it was “stolen,” a la Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, etc.

Hot, if your idea of sexy is watching a prairie dog trying to mount two full-grown gazelles while mugging shamelessly for the camera. There’s nothing sexier than watching a WASP-y high school junior rutting all over a couple of ethnic girls twice his size. He is still in high school, right? You usually stop making that face up there once you hit college. Also, adult males tend to develop facial hair and something I like to call “testicles.” What’s Portuguese for “Where are his balls?” and “Why is his skin like a hairless cat’s?” Ten to one says you find out in the first five minutes of the tape!

Spencer and Heidi in their super lame costumes: