Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen are still taking turns humiliating each other via the media, with Denise telling Page Six this morning:

“Last week, I sent Charlie a text message asking him if he’s going to Family Day [for daughter Sam's school] and letting him know Sam was sick with a cold. His response was, ‘I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom. Rot in hell you [bleeping] whore.’”

And regarding that unfortunate sperm-request email that Charlie now wants to have analyzed by experts on live TV?

“I don’t want Charlie’s prostitute-tranny-infested sperm. I have two beautiful kids. We’ll leave it at that. I am so over him. He’s the one who can’t move on. He’s disgusting and he’s hit an all-time low.”

You know, there’s the high road, and there’s the low road. And then there’s sewer lines swollen with gallons of human excrement just underneath the low road. See if you can guess exactly where Charlie and Denise are at this point.

Cancerous retard leaving the CW11 morning show yesterday:

Denise Richards hit the talk show circuits earlier this week and denied that she had ever asked ex-husband Charlie Sheen for a post-divorce sperm sample, adding that “any email Charlie claims to have suggesting otherwise is a fake.” Charlie responded to her unsavory allegations in kind by mass-faxing a copy of the email in question to every media outlet in the Western Hemisphere. Rush and Molloy obtained their own copy courtesy of Chuck, and it reads as follows:

“Dear Brooke [Charlie's new fiance],

I don’t want to have a baby with Charlie. I am having a baby in the next year. By myself … my girlfriend suggested Charlie be the donor. So, I did bring this up to him. There are so many couples having unhealthy children. Charlie and I have very beautiful healthy children together. I was strictly looking for a sperm donor, if it’s any of your business. If it were him, I said we would sign a document that he couldn’t come after me and I couldn’t come after him … this wasn’t to have sex with him, it was him donating … that’s it. “

Jesus, all this fuss over a couple of tablespoons of freakin’ spooge. A thinking woman would have paid Lupe the Bunny Ranch housekeeper twenty dollars American to take a putty knife to the walls in the Jungle Room and collect the scrapings in a mayonnaise jar full of 2.5X Buffer/random octamer mix. Of course, nobody’s ever actually accused Denise Richards of being a “thinking woman.” Therein lies the rub.

On TRL yesterday: