Sep 29, 2009
And now for some news nobody cares about: actress Emmy Rossum and Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst are getting divorced. But not from each other. That would be too interesting. Us Weekly says
Two months after it was discovered that Emmy Rossum had been secretly married, her husband is filing for divorce.
Justin Siegel, a music producer… is seeking spousal support and requests that Rossum pay all divorce costs.
Us Weekly continues:
Three months after Fred Durst wed girlfriend Esther Nazarov in Las Vegas, the newlyweds have decided to split.
“For those of you inquiring I will confirm that Esther and I have decided to go our separate ways and we both thank you for your support,” the Limp Bizkit frontman, 39, Twittered on Monday. “Thank you all SO much for your concern and extremely kind words. Sincerely. We remain very positive and wish only the best for each other.”
Well, there’s five minutes of your life you’ll never get back. If it’s any consolation, it still lasted longer than Fred Durst’s marriage.
Sep 17, 2009
After three years of marriage, Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley are officially separating at their respective douchenozzles. Us Weekly says
“She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source [says] adding that Lavigne, 25, forced him out of their $9.5 million [Bel Air] estate. “Divorce papers will be filed any day now.”
Whibley, 29, “is crushed,” adds another insider.
It’s not exactly shocking when two poser douchebags’ sham of a marriage dissolves like so many mushy turds on the follow-up flush. And speaking of turds, I’d like to take this opportunity to state that I’ve had farts with more dimension and depth than any of Avril’s crappy songs. Arista might really want to look into my asshole. It might be the next Sk8r Boi sensation!
UPDATE: Avril just confirmed the split on her website.
Promoting her Abbey Dawn line:
Jul 31, 2009
Both Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have publicly maintained that cheating had nothing to do with their split earlier this week. In fact, “nobody cheated” was pretty much the only quote they gave to Us Weekly. But methinks the couple doth protest too much! Radar Online says
Cheating charges are flying BOTH WAYS in the relationship now.
Fox News broke the story that Reggie saw text messages from Kanye West on Kim’s phone and “flipped out.” The messages were [reportedly] more than just friendly.
Now a sexy Latino model in Miami is claiming she had a [months-long] affair with Reggie that included hookups in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Miami and X-rated texts and phone messages, and [she] has been threatening to take her story public to the highest bidding magazine.
Kim was aware of the model’s charges and furious about it. The model did have video of herself in Bush’s house.
I just hope Reggie had the foresight to pee all over the model in the video. That way he and Kim could put aside their differences and get a “Wet ‘n Wild” sex tape box set in the works. I think I know a “golden” idea when I hear one!
Jul 31, 2009
Although it was rumored that Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson because he found texts from ex-boyfriend John Mayer on her phone, it looks like country music star Kenny Chesney may have actually driven them a part. According to Star Magazine
Jessica was openly flirting with Kenny earlier this month during a summer getaway — and [that] shameless flirtfest that proved to be the last straw for Tony Romo.
“She was giving him all her attention, and they seemed very intimate,” an eyewitness [says of] Jessica and Kenny’s cabana chat. “They were sitting so close, their heads were together.”
Tony “looked real jealous that she was talking to Kenny,” says a source. He angrily confronted his girlfriend… [and then] stormed off the beach.
For the last ten years, Kenny Chesney has been under the misguided impression you won’t figure out he’s bald as a fucking badger as long as he doesn’t take his hat off. He just found the only person dumb enough to actually believe it.
Jessica looking like a crazy homeless woman last week:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News
Jul 30, 2009
After only six months of marriage, Fergie and husband Josh Duhamel are reportedly on the rocks. Nine MSN says
The tanned pair “are clashing night and day, and they’re desperately trying to get a handle on their problems,” [said] a friend.
“Apparently Josh wants to start a family, but Fergie’s not ready to give up her rock n’ roll lifestyle.”
Hmm… “rock ‘n roll lifestyle” must actually be code for “wiener.” And from what I remember from health class, it’s hard to make a baby with four testicles between the two of you. I’m pretty sure you need a fallopian tube or an ovum somewhere in the mix.
Doing a shoot with the Black-Eyed Peas:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin
Jul 29, 2009
Less than a year after they wed in secret, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds might already be headed for splitsville. According to Fox News
[The couple has been overheard arguing frequently]… the most heated occurred last week, as they were about to depart for San Diego’s Comic Con sci-fi convention [where Scarlett was to] discuss her new role as Black Widow in “Iron Man 2″ and Ryan [his lead role] in [Warner Brothers] “Green Lantern.” An insider [says] “they got in a huge fight just before they were going to Comic Con. It caused such a rift between them that Ryan refused to attend the conference and he told Scarlett she could go alone. She got so angry she threatened to take off her wedding band.”
The conference continued as normal, with a notably absent Ryan missing from the Warner Brothers panel. The company had planned on debuting major plans for the new superhero movie, and now [the] insider says Ryan has “angered the executives.”
I don’t know what to think here. Are they suggesting that living on different coasts for nine months of the year and pretending to be in love with someone else 17 hours a day for those nine months of year isn’t good for a fledgling marriage? Well, you know what they say — love is patient, love is kind, love does not steal your fucking thunder at a press junket. Amen.
Looking foxy as hell at Comic-Con:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News
Jul 28, 2009
Get ready to have your faith in true love unfathomably shaken — Kim Kardashian and football star Reggie Bush have gone their separate ways after two years together. According to Us Magazine
“Nobody cheated,” a source close to the couple says. “This is just a case of conflicting schedules and their lives going in different directions. It was a totally mutual decision.”
The reality star, 28, began dating Bush, 24, in April 2007.
I’m sure that after this, nothing will be able to fill the hole left in her heart. Fortunately, any number of black dudes ought to be able to fill the hole between her legs. Zing!
Kim in Ocean Drive magazine:
Jul 24, 2009
After 12 years of marriage and three children together, Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker have gone their separate ways. Nine MSN says
Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are reportedly living in separate houses - right after they welcomed twin babies into their family via a surrogate.
SJP is rumoured to be the one moving out of their New York pad, after reportedly purchasing a nine-bedroom home in Brooklyn.
Now I know why Prince Charming is never a closeted gay and the damsel in distress is a never an American Saddlebred in classic fairytales. It just doesn’t work!
Jul 22, 2009
Eddie Cibrian’s wife Brandi Glanville has left him after discovering he had been meeting with former mistress LeAnn Rimes on the sly at a friend’s house. According to Us Magazine
“Eddie and I have decided to take some time apart,” says Glanville, 36. “I want to do what is best for our children [Mason, 6, and Jake, 2]. Eddie and LeAnn [Rimes] deserve each other.”
The final straw came after Cibrian and Rimes, 26, were caught again together in the early afternoon of July 17 — four months after the news of their affair [first broke] — outside the Malibu home of Jeff Berger, a longtime friend of the singer. (News of Cibrian having another affair — with 24-year-old model Scheana Marie Jancan — also broke earlier this same month.)
Sources tell us that Rimes’ pal Berger has been facilitating similar meetings at his home for about a month and that Rimes and Cibrian also made use of a rental house on L.A.’s west side.
How do you expect a man to say no to a rack like LeAnn’s? At least not without looking down or sideways, anyway? The trajectory of those nipples would make it damn near impossible. I doubt he even had a choice in the matter.
LeAnn in L.A.:
Jul 17, 2009
Janet Jackson’s boyfriend of seven years Jermaine Dupri was conspicuously absent from Michael Jackson’s July 7th memorial service. Why the no-show? Us Magazine says
“His friends are telling people it’s over,” [says] a source. “They have been moving in different directions for a while.”
“You shouldn’t mix business with pleasure,” [another] pal explains. Dupri produced several tracks on her last two CDs. “Janet felt their lives were too crossed and they should have kept things separate. [Plus] Jermaine likes to be out there, mingling with everybody, and Janet’s more shy.”
Bless her heart. Her pedophile drug addict brother just died, marriage number 3 isn’t happening, her last two albums have tanked and her ass is as big as fucking Kansas. I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel right making fun of her considering the circumstances. It’s a little something I like to call “respect.”
At the memorial service:
Jul 15, 2009
Jessica Simpson’s ill-advised “Barbie and Ken” themed birthday party never came to fruition this past weekend because boyfriend Tony Romo found texts on her phone from ex John Mayer. According to Radar Online
“[Tony and Jessica] were hanging out and he picked up her phone and she got defensive about it,” the source revealed. “Tony found messages from John and went ballistic.”
While the couple has had their fair share of rocky patches during their relationship, the idea of Simpson possibly cheating with Mayer was the straw that broke the camel’s back: “Tony dumped her right then. He walked out and that was it.”
Although she gets dumped more often than Jennifer Aniston, brave little Jess hasn’t given up on love just yet. She tweeted
“Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling, ‘I love getting older! Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you.”
And if that doesn’t work, put it in a chokehold and smother it with Rocky Road ice cream. You can’t spell “desperate” without “ate,” you know!
Back when she was still hot:
