You’d think anyone would be smart to the fact that it’s never a good idea to pin high hopes on Lindsay Lohan–that is, unless you’re waging on her being drunk, stoned, or late. Then yeah, go for it. Playboy apparently didn’t get the memo and are freaking out now that their cover of Lindsay got leaked yesterday. Technically that’s not Lindsay’s fault, but the girl is bad news. TMZ says,

Lindsay Lohan’s highly classified Playboy photo shoot leaked to the Internet this morning — one week before the issues was set to hit newsstands — and TMZ has learned Playboy honchos are “freaking out.”

First off — the pics aren’t bad … it’s a Marilyn Monroe thing … and it works.

Playboy sources tell us … there are fears the leak could significantly damage sales of the magazine … which is expected to be the best seller of the year.

The shoot was a massive investment for Playboy — the mag shelled out nearly $1 million to Lohan for the spread and we’re told the company has printed thousands of extra copies in anticipation of a sales boom.

Is there really that high of a demand to see an alcoholic coke head topless? Shit, all I have to do is drive downtown Saturday morning and there’s bound to be one passed out in the gutter. I don’t have to pay for a magazine, and there’s the added bonus of getting a um, more tactile experience. Playboy doesn’t have honkable boobs, now do they? Bingo.

*UPDATE* Check out the spread here

Here’s something you won’t see downtown in the gutter: Diane Kruger sideboob!

I don’t know who Olivia Munn is or what she does per se, but the words near her tits reference the term “G4,” and my vast knowledge of the current political landscape would suggest she’s either a spy for the G4 leadership core of the World Trade Organization’s G20 trade bloc, or else she’s a Serbian G4 Super Galeb pilot-in-training. Either way, it’s pretty clear she poses a real threat to American security. Why else do you think they’d make her strip down and take pictures of her like that? And to think, you commies actually made them shut down Abu Ghraib! I bet you’re thanking George Bush now, aren’t you?

Everyone’s all excited about Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez’ photo shoot for next month’s GQ, but not because he looks like a gay porn star from 1974. It’s because his hot-ass girlfriend, Estee Lauder and Sports Illustrated model Hilary Rhoda, is wearing a bikini. You’re welcome.