Here’s some pictures of Kristen Bell in an unpublished 2009 Details magazine photoshoot to start off your weekend right. It’s the last weekend of summer, so make sure to go BBQ something and drink lots of alcohol and run naked through the sprinklers. In other words, just another normal day for me.

Here’s Halle Berry at Fashion Week, which is something where people give air-kisses and try to say brilliant-sounding things to each other about the ridiculous crap that’s being paraded down the catwalk, and what’s basically a smörgåsbord of everything superficial under the banner of haute couture. Well, their high-falutin’ fashions don’t tempt me none. You’re never going to convince me that anything they have is better than my Hawaiian floral muumuus. They’re like a tent of paradise!

Halle Berry, thankfully NOT wearing a muumuu:

Picture Source: Fame Pictures

According to the cover of September’s issue of FHM Australia, Jessica Alba is back. I don’t know where she went, but I’m so glad, because I don’t think I could wait much longer for another of her movies. Hollywood has been a dry, rustling husk of its former glory without the likes of cinematic gems such as Honey, The Eye, and The Love Guru. Welcome back indeed, Jessica!

Yes, I am a sarcastic bitch!

I’m so glad there’s some artists left in the music industry that don’t depend on stupid costumes and shock value to entertain their fans at concerts. Rihanna, however, is not one of them. I’m getting a weird tranny vibe here, especially with the penis envy deal going on here and the stupid red Cletus hair. What’s the microphone doing down there, anyway? Is her camel toe gonna whistle a tune? Because that’s what I would call entertainment.

Showing Canadians some American beaver in Toronto:

If you ever wanted to know what wanna-be bumblegum pop-faux-punk-princess douche nipple looks like, this is your lucky day. Basically, it looks like any other nipple, so you don’t have to feel too bad about checking it out. Too bad, I said. You still should feel a little dirty and ashamed of yourself.

Avril Lavigne cavorting with friends in a douchey cap and one more bonus nip shot NSFW:

Mark Wahlberg got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today which is kind of a big deal, so unfortunately this isn’t the type of event that he can come shirtless too, because that would rock my panties off. But he still looks good, and he obviously loves the fam since he wants them in his pictures and is kissing his lovely wife (bitch) and kids, and that just makes him hotter. I’d like to give him a gold star myself. On his wiener. Ow!

Rocking a suit and Ray-Bans:

After looking at Tara Reid’s weird-ass…ass, I need something therapeutic to look at. As I’ve mentioned before, pictures of hot men are hard to find, since the paps like to follow the wimminfolk around. Anyhoo, I found these pictures of soccer/football player Cristiano Ronaldo, so they’ll have to do until Hugh Jackman comes out of hiding and goes to the beach or something. Enjoy laydeez!

Okay girls, you know I always try to take care of you. But gawd DAMN is it hard to find pictures of half-naked men! Well, ones that aren’t male models and therefore way gay, and so messes up the vibe. I guess it’s because the paps are predominantly male and are really only interested in taking pictures of women. So I tried to find someone hot and shirtless, but beggars can’t be choosers. Anyway, here’s Kellan Lutz who’s in the shitty Twilight movies, but I must say, he is quite yummy. Dare I say, Team Emmett? Hoo yeah! Enjoy, sexy bitches.

At the premiere of Eclipse with Nikki Reed:

I had to look up if Jade Jagger is Mick Jagger’s daughter (she is) and from what I can tell, she’s a jewelry designer, socialite (aka attention whore?) and former model. All of which doesn’t explain why she’s hawking a new plane, but there’s a nipple slip, so there you go. Now everyone can inform me of who she is, but I still don’t care. I’m good with sticking with “Jade Jagger, Slipper of Nipple.”

At the launch of the new Vueling planes in Madrid:

So, apparently the only awesome thing to come out of the MuchMuch or MuchMusic Video Awards or whatever the hell it’s called, is Kristin Cavallari’s pokies. Her dress has got a metallic fish-scale thing going on, and her name reminds me of calamari, and squids are known perpetrators of tentacle rape (at least that’s what my hentai comics tell me), so what we can conclude here is that Kristin Cavallari is a dirty, dirty girl. I can’t believe she can show her face in public.

The slutty mcslutterson:

Poor Victoria Silvstedt must have been doing “criss-cross, applesauce” and got knocked backwards, and now she can’t get up. Maybe she’s calling for help on her cell phone. Or maybe she wants her labia majora to get photographed. Beats me.

In St. Tropez, where the rich people go. I have to settle for a kiddie pool. Eff you, bitch!

Here’s Vida Guerra in bodypaint. I could say any sort of nonsense right now like “My bonny lies over the ocean”, or just hit my keyboard like this asnklg pojewk dfkj SFNI sdjfo  ;e] pr ej fdkfn ij mhoindf,.dm;lkerti lkpo opj and you wouldn’t notice because you’re too busy staring at her boobs and ass. If you aren’t, then you’re either gay or my 5th grade English teacher. He was such a hard-nosed jerk on the whole spelling, grammar and punctuation thing.