Talk-show host Tyra Banks claims to have been terrorized the last few months by a gentleman sending letters and flowers and showing up at some of her studios unannounced. Cops arrested the stalker last week, but seeing as how his only crime is loving Tyra too much, they released him the following day. The New York Post reports

Brady Green, 37… arrived in the lobby [of "The Tyra Banks Show"] at 4:23 p.m. on Tuesday carrying a large duffel bag stuffed with magazine write-ups about Banks. Cops were called to the scene, where Banks said she feared for her safety.

But at 7:22 p.m., Green was back across the street… at a McDonald’s. Cops arrested him and charged him with stalking, harassment and criminal trespass. The next morning, Green appeared in Manhattan Criminal Court and pleaded not guilty to the charges. Judge Anthony Ferrara released him, but issued an order of protection for Banks.

Some people just confuse “pursuing true love” with “stalking.” Just like some people are “repulsed” by your collage of personal effects unearthed from their garbage and “terrified” of the shrine of photos of them shot with a long-range lens from rented room across the street. These are the same people that suggest “you take your Klonopin” and “pull up your pants” before “they call the cops” “again.”

The many faces of beautiful:

Britney Spears has acquired her very own deranged stalker! What started out as the occasional bizarre letter has escalated to bi-weekly package deliveries in the last six weeks. According to OK! Magazine

“The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender, battery-operated sex toy…. and two [threatening and pornographic] letters. The handwritten one is on note paper and it’s written in all-caps chicken scratch,” says the source. The [other] typed letter contains vivid, pornographic details of the writer’s fantasy exploits with Britney.

The scariest item inside the package is what [appears] to be a picture of the sender — a middle-aged caucasian male with stringy, greasy hair — with the eyes cut out of the photo, in which he [is] squirting some sort of yellowish liquid into his open mouth. “It’s like something from a bad movie,” says the source. “If I hadn’t seen it myself, I wouldn’t believe it.”

The guy sounds less like a deranged stalker and more like a dream response to a Britney-themed personal ad. Penchant for processed foods with nozzle dispensers? Check. Aversion to bathing? Check. Arsenal of sex-toys in pastel colors? Check, check, check. The only way this guy could be any more perfect is if he came with a Hickory Farms Beef & Cheese basket and dreams of rap stardom.

Britney Spears heading to Off Broadway for a little discount shoe shopping: