After being inspired by the Adam Sandler masterpiece “Mr. Deeds,” teen shartthrob Justin Bieber decided to surprise Disney-approved beard girlfriend Selena Gomez by renting out the Staples Center for a private viewing of “Titanic.” I’m still reeling from the “Mr. Deeds” part. Us Magazine says:

Bieber, 17, whisked Gomez, 18, to the nearby Staples Center via underground tunnel.

The teen supercouple arrived at the empty, 20,000-seat arena, where they lights had been dimmed; on the court floor was a table set for two with candles.

After the meal, the couple enjoyed a private screening of Titanic. (The singer apparently got the idea from the Adam Sandler flick Mr. Deeds, in which Sandler’s character surprises his girlfriend with a similar gesture at NYC’s Madison Square Garden.)

“Romance isn’t dead,” Bieber Tweeted that night. “Treat your lady right fellas.”

If there’s one thing I can’t get enough of, it’s sage romantic advice from a kid without pubes wearing a pork-pie hat. More pubeless pork-pie, I say. It’s probably all that’s been lacking in your life until now.

Taking a dry humpers’ walk at the beach; more of Selena after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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No, it wasn’t LaToya Jackson employing some special eye of newt potion that enabled MJ’s body to disappear from the Staples Center, but an underground tunnel. E!Online has the exclusive information:

A source tells E! News that after the service, security moved the golden casket through an underground tunnel that connects the Staples Center to the Nokia Theatre. The tunnel—typically used by maintenance and food service workers and occasionally talent—runs beneath Chick Hearn Court, where hundreds of media were encamped following the ceremony.

La Toya, Rebbie and Janet Jackson used the secret passageway when they went across the street to thank the fans at the Nokia Theatre.

M.J.’s body was loaded into a van at an L.A. Live loading dock and was transported to refrigerated mortuary storage at an undisclosed location.

Sources also say that a “skulking gangrel creature with an ill-favoured look” was their guide through the passageway.