Hi everyone, it’s Sonya, and it’s my turn to drive this crazy train. So here we are, 10 days from Christmas, and you still haven’t found that perfect gift for the lady in your life? Well, why not pick her up something nice and syphilitic from the Lohan residence? That’s right! Says the New York Post

Lindsay Lohan wannabes now can dress just like her. The actress is selling off second-hand clothes on her family’s Web site, Lohanhouse.com. Up for grabs are a pair of Stella McCartney black leather boots and jackets, jeans, hats and handbags, starting at $25. No word on whether LiLo will be selling the infamous black, sequined, heart-shaped pasties she designed for Ungaro last fall.

Included with each purchase is a free gift bag including an STD (herpes simplex, gonorrhea, chlamydia, or syphilis–please, let us choose), plus a lifetime’s supply of shame, self-loathing, substance abuse, AND a free fan club membership. So remember us for all your holiday needs! Lohanhouse.com–it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Shopping for more clothes to burn through in LA:

Digital Spy reported this morning that Mickey Rourke inadvertently crashed Paris Hilton’s birthday party at Butter nightclub.

Hilton, who turned 28 on February 16, had hired New York’s Butter nightclub to celebrate her birthday with friends and family.

According to OK!, the Wrestler star arrived at the venue unannounced at around 2am, unaware that he was crashing a private party.

A source revealed that when one guest asked Rourke why he was at Hilton’s party, he replied: “Whose party? I’m not. I don’t know…We’re having our own party!”

The unnamed insider added that Rourke was a big hit with partygoers, who lavished him with attention and well-wishes for Sunday night’s Oscars.

Now, I really don’t know much about Mickey Rourke and I haven’t seen his new movie (watching a movie about wrestling isn’t exactly high on my want-to-see list), but if STDs had a face, don’t you think it would look an awful lot like Mickey? All greasy and sleazy-looking with loud clothes and gold chains and stuff. And Paris, well, she’s like a walking STD herself. So really, it’s like fate brought them together. Combine those two and you’d have the spokesman for Valtrex, like that walking phlegm-wad is for Mucinex. Need further convincing? Well, with the magic of bad photoshop, I’ve done a composite of their faces. I present to you, The New Face of STDs!