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Virtually unemployable Lindsay Lohan may have finally found her only chance at a viable paycheck true calling: starring in a topless show in Sin City with Mel B. According to Fox News

Lohan flew from Los Angeles to Las Vegas on Saturday on the private plane of the producer of Mel B. and Kelly Monaco’s “Peepshow” [as part of] official negotiations to take over [for] Monaco. “If they make me an offer, and the money’s right, I’ll do it,” Lohan reportedly said.

If Lohan does get the adults-only gig, she’ll play “Bo Peep,” a timid girl who the Diva (Mel B.) guides in her transformation into a confident, sensual woman while surrounded by a slew of semi-naked burlesque beauties. The former “Scary Spice” and Lohan have become pretty close and that Brown is pushing for Lilo to snag the job.

[Our source said, "Lindsay] feels that this would really revitalize her career and give her some serious theater cred.”

Yep, nothing says “theater cred” like topless revue in Vegas with the ugly one from the Spice Girls. Except maybe being made a Commander of the Order of the British Empire for outstanding contribution to Thespis, but that’s really only a distant second.

Stills from “I Know Who Killed Me”:

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reese-witherspoon-jake-gyllenhaal

Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal made an impromptu visit to a sex toy and underwear emporium during their recent trip to London. Yeah, I’m sure Jake’s never been in some place like that before. Star Magazine says

While shopping in a Myla boutique on the West End, Reese beckoned [Jake] into the changing rooms… [with] various bra and panty sets.

Jake brought some items up to the cash register, then Reese paid with her credit card. On the way out of the store, the lovebirds stopped, giggling at a display of sex toys.

I’m sure you noticed gaping hole in Star’s lingerie show timeline. What was Jake doing from the time Reese went into the dressing room with the panties until the moment he arrived at the register with her card? Use your deductive reasoning skills. Was it:

A) Fetal position and lots of crying

B) Feigned enthusiasm and barely-contained vomit, or

C) Putting on the bra and panty set and belting out “I Feel Pretty” while twirling a parasol and high-stepping in peep-toe pumps

I think the only way the answer could be any more obvious is if it could physically bitch-slap you in the face and hiss, “Girlfriend please.”

Reese working some serious T-Rex arms while jogging last month:

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