“To Catch A Predator” host Chris Hansen was busted cheating on his long-suffering wife again last week, which came as news to his first mistress, who couldn’t believe the married man she was sleeping with would ever betray her that way. Is that irony, or just plain stupidity? Radar Online says:

The 51-year-old married father of two embarked on a steamy six month affair with Kathleen Collins, a stripper that he met in Las Vegas in early 2011.

The petite blonde fell hard for Hansen and was “floored” when she discovered that he had also been carrying on an extramarital fling with another woman, Kristyn Caddell, a 30-year-old TV news reporter for WPTV 5 in West Palm Beach, Fl.

Collins learned of Hansen’s other mistress when she saw photos of the two of them together in the Enquirer, who broke the story – and a close friend claims: “I know this sounds crazy, but Kathleen really thought she was the only one.”

Look, you can’t be “the one” when there’s a wife in the equation. It’s called math. One mistress + one wife = two people. The only way you can be “the one” is after you’ve eliminated the your number two. Ahem. Eliminated your number two. If there’s a lower common denominator out there, I’d like to see it!

She set her MySpace to private, so these are the only pics available of her right now:

A very pregnant Christina Applegate stars in this Prenatal Pole Dancing infomercial for Funny or Die. It’s almost like staring into a crystal ball and seeing what Britney Spears would have been if her parents hadn’t sold her to Disney all those years ago. All Christina’s missing is a cigarette and a guy with a chinstrap stuffing singles into her crack.

24-year old Muslim Christian (?) Rima Fakih beat out 50 other contestants to win the title “Miss USA” on Sunday night, about two hours before pictures of her working a stripper pole at an exotic-dancing competition three years ago hit the interwebs. I’d like to point out that she’s wearing less in the Miss USA pageant than she is on the stripper pole, but apparently whoring for Donald Trump is okay because it’s primetime and Proctor & Gamble sponsored. The Daily Mail says

She was hailed as the shining example of the American dream, a Lebanese-born woman who became the first Muslim Miss U.S.A.

But her victory was already tarnished last night by revelations that she won a pole dancing contest at a strip club in Detroit in 2007. It is not known if organisers of Miss USA were aware of Miss Fakih winning the ‘Stripper 101′ contest at the Coliseum Gentleman’s Club.

Supporters had claimed that her success in the Miss U.S.A. contest showed the true face of Arab Americans at a time when they have come under the spotlight over attempted terror attacks.

I know I already told you about this whole “Miss USA stripper scandal” in the quickies yesterday, but I didn’t get the chance to say what I really wanted to say about the dangers of assigning worth to a title so inconsequential and making a pageant queen the poster child for the “true face of the Arab-American.” That is: the great thing about Muslim chicks is that they’re already on their knees five times a day anyway. High five! Yeeeah, baby! You see why I couldn’t let a gem like that go to waste.

Demi Moore is the classic “cool mom” — dating a guy fifteen years her junior, wearing hip designer clothes, and publicly teaching her daughters how to strip at a Hollywood party. All my stupid mom ever did was make brownies. According to Page Six

Demi Moore gave daughter Rumer Willis a pole-dancing lesson at a party at the Chateau Marmont hotel. A partygoer [said] that the “Striptease” star “even spun around the pole upside down.” Then Rumer gave it a whirl as Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio cheered her on. “Everyone was cheering, and Leo gave Ashton a high-five,” the source added.

I bet it was pretty easy for Rumer to swing around the pole once she really got going. When you’ve gathered up enough speed with a head that big, inertia kinda takes over and does its thing for you. There’s a lot of complex physics and kinematics involved in having a melon the size of Texas. If Einstein were still alive today, he’d probably have written a whole book about it.

Demi practicing her mothering skills in Striptease:

There was no shortage of entertainment on hand at Rihanna’s 22nd birthday last week, unless you count the midget stripper in the leather corset. Nine MSN says

Rihanna’s new boyfriend Matt Kemp the idea to present her with a frisky little person stripper for her birthday.

“Bridget the Midget” performed a raunchy dance for Rhi at her birthday party in Arizona and according to other party guests, Rihanna absolutely loved the kooky gift.

“She thought it was funny,” says a friend.

“Funny” is a fat person being dragged face-first through the sand while still attached to a parasail. A half-naked dwarf wielding a riding crop is not funny. It’s like something from a Stephen King novel. All she needs is a twin and a tricycle and she’d make Pennywise the Clown look like the goddamn Easter Bunny.

Now that the rumors of Josh Duhamel’s infidelity with an Atlanta stripper have finally cooled, up pops the same stripper with news that she’s carrying his bastard child. Like a Jack-in-the-Box, only with more silicone and illegitimate fetal tissue! According to Nine MSN

Nicole Forrester, the stripper who Josh allegedly cheated with last year, is three and a half months pregnant. And she says she’s 95% certain the baby is Josh’s.

“Yes I’m pregnant. Yes it’s probably Josh’s. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do,” the mum of two [said].

Josh and Nicole met at an Atlanta strip club. He initially denied her claims that they’d slept together, but she later took a polygraph test to prove her story was true.

God, celebrities are so fucking stupid. How hard is it to put on a goddamn condom? Or buy the morning-after pill? Or get your hands on a bottle of chloroform and an unspooled wire hanger? It’s almost like they think they’re so great that they’re somehow above the laws of nature. Well, I got news for you — you’re only above the law in the American penal system. Biology and physics bow to no man, bitches!

Josh at the Youth Run 4 Haiti; Fergie at the premiere of “Nine”:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

It seems that Jennifer Love Hewitt took on the role of a stripper on her show “Ghost Whisperer” late last month, but given that nobody actually watches that piece of shit, it’s only now becoming news. Even though she’s supposed to be a stripper, she never actually strips, and her lingerie is so gigantic and flesh-concealing that could easily pass for a 1940′s bathing suit. She might as well be in a goddamn turtleneck and hip waders. Two words: EPIC FAIL. Also: BACK FAT.

Disappointing screen caps (8 more after the jump):

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The Atlanta stripper who claimed to have had a one-night stand with a very-married Josh Duhamel didn’t just pass a lie-detector test last week — turns out she is also in possession of several racy texts sent from the Transformers star himself that categorically corroborate the alleged affair. It also helps that Josh went around the set of his new movie blathering about it to anyone who’d listen. Us Magazine says

Nicole Forrester didn’t seek out the the National Enquirer in hopes of a payday.

“Josh bragged about what happened on the set of his movie [Life As We Know It], and someone called the Enquirer with the tip,” [Forrester's lawyer said]. “The Enquirer then came to Nicole.”

Various women across the country have now come forth to claim their own dubious sexcapades with Duhamel, 34.

On Oct. 30, a woman named Serena called in [to a San Francisco radio station] to say that while the then-engaged actor was filming the Transformers sequel at a New Mexico Air Force base in 2008, he slept with her best friend who was stationed there.

I think the lie-detector test and the texts pretty well seal the deal. The only way that stripper could be more convincing is if she also had a signed and dated photo of the actor which read “I put my wiener inside you and moved it in and out, Love Josh Duhamel.” And with his stellar track record for subterfuge, I wouldn’t necessarily rule that possibility out yet. Remember, celebrities are notoriously fucking stupid. It’s the only reason I have a job.

Speaking of stupid celebrities, Lady Gaga in SoHo in a bra and g-string and lace table cloth:

^{PHOTO SOURCE: Radar Online}

Only ten months after getting married, Josh Duhamel has been accused of cheating on wife Fergie with some second-rate stripper he met in Georgie. Radar Online says

Duhamel, 36, met stripper Nicole Forrester in early October at an all-nude club in Atlanta called Tattletales Lounge, where she performs under the name “Delilah.”

Forrester says Josh first identified himself as “JD”, and said [she] performed a nude dance for him and a male friend.

[Forrester and Duhamel] later exchanged phone numbers, and on October 9th, he called her and invited her to his $820-a night room at the St. Regis hotel, which led to sex, she says.

Forester passed a rigorous polygraph. Duhamel denies the report emphatically.

I don’t know about you, but I, for one, believe her. She’s about as convincingly female as he is convincingly heterosexual. That is, she looks like Carmela Soprano on roids and he looks like he should be walking a hairless Philippino on a pink leash through the streets of San Francisco.

Fergie forgetting she’s not supposed to have a penis and Josh playing prison bitch:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

I already gave you a taste of Sophie Monk topless in “The Hills Run Red,” but you guys don’t usually complain when I toss more titty your way, so here are Sophie Monk’s bare boobies. Again. That’s about it, really. No sense in beating a dead horse here. Especially when there are so many other things you’d rather be beating at the moment. Yeeeah, baby! High five!

Lots, lots, lots LOTS more NSFW boobage after the jump:

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Sophie Monk’s new movie “The Hills Run Red” heads straight to a DVD player near you today, in which she plays a stripper who shows her boobs. That’s all I really know. I was going to do a little more research, but that would have required reading words instead of staring at her boobs. Which, ironically, is exactly you’re doing right now. Dumbass!

All thumbs 2 and 3 NSFW:

In case you didn’t think the new G.I. Joe movie sucked hard enough, “star” Channing Tatum is bringing a new kind of shame to the the table — the naked kind. Best served warm and in your face! Us Magazine says

[We have] obtained a video of Channing Tatum, 29, dancing in a Chippendales-style revue called “Male Encounter” in 1999.

Then 18, the star performed under the alias Chan Crawford.

He was so impressive [during his year-long stint in a now-defunct Florida nightclub] that he caught the eye of a female casting agent who put him in Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” music video.

So from all-male review to Ricky Martin’s casting couch. How’s that for climbing the proverbial ladder? Jacob’s ladder (NSFW), that is. I’d say any ladder having to do with some dude’s freshly shorn ball sack is probably a safe bet here.

Look at these pictures and tell me this guy’s not gay: