I find that asking people if they’d like to see pictures of Brooke Hogan pole dancing is a lot like asking people if they’d like you to pour hot tar into their nostrils. Pretty much a resounding hell no. But find her attractive or not, you still have to admit she’s got that certain “je ne sais quoi ” about her. “Je ne sais quoi ” of course from the French meaning “the affect and constituion of a large ox.” Seriously, I’m surprised she doesn’t have a cart strapped to her back and a ring through her nose in these pictures.

Brooke performing at a Calle Ocho in Miami with her father in the audience:

Pamela Anderson is planning to honor Lakota war hero Crazy Horse on Valentine’s Day. No, wait — I’m getting something here — my sources are now telling me she will not be participating in a tribute to the Native American. I repeat, will not be participating. Naked… yes, yes… stripping… okay, good… My sources have just confirmed that instead she will be showing her beaver at some strip club in France called the Crazy Horse. Now that makes a little more sense! Pamela Anderson, beaver! Boy, the Lakota must be so relieved. According to Female First

The former ‘Baywatch’ actress will perform four times at Paris’ Le Crazy Horse cabaret club on February 13 and 14, after club owner Andree Diessenberg saw her assisting magician Hans Klok in his Las Vegas show last year [and] told People magazine: “When I saw her onstage, I said to myself right away, ‘I have to put her onstage.’ What a knockout! Pamela will perform a Brigitte Bardot tribute number entitled ‘Harley Davidson’ and will also appear in the finale.”

Read: leathery old boozebag astraddle a motorcycle with her worn-out catcher’s mitt spilling over either side of the seat like mudflaps on the back of a semi. Ooh, where do I sign up?

Crusty Whore at the Hard Rock Hotel in Florida January 18th: