The Kardashian Klan is being sued for $5 million because, like everything that comes from that family, the diet pills they were hawking are Krap. Yeah, shocker, right? Says TMZ,

Kim Kardashian and her sisters waged a campaign of LIES when they claimed they got their rock hard bikini bodies from a diet pill called QuickTrim … this according to a new $5 MILLION lawsuit.

The point of the suit — a bunch of people in NY claim there’s no POSSIBLE way QuickTrim could’ve helped Kim, Khloe and Kourtney lose weight … because the main ingredient is caffeine. According to the suit, “The FDA has determined [caffeine] is not a safe or effective treatment for weight control.”

Enter the Kardashians … celebrity spokespeople who are featured on just about every single product QuickTrim sells.

According to the suit, filed in NY by Bursor & Fisher, the Kardashians fed lies to the public through commercials, magazines and social media since 2009 … like when Kim went on Twitter and said, “Our QuickTrim cleanse will be massive! Khloe has already lost so much weight.”

The plaintiffs claim they would NEVER have purchased the QuickTrim products if they would have known the truth … and claim the Kardashian testimonials were completely unsubstantiated.

Now, the Kardashians, QuickTrim and various companies that sold the products are being sued for more than $5 million in damages.

So far, no comment from the Kardashian camp.

I don’t know what’s more amusing about this article: That anyone would be idiotic enough to believe that the Kardashians aren’t all plastic surgery and Photoshop, that people would out themselves as said idiots, or that the Kardashian’s bodies are being described as rock-hard. Soft-boiled, yeah. Rock-hard–not so much.

Kim at QVC’s “Buzz on the Red Carpet Cocktail Party”:

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is finding himself in hot water after allegedly reneging on a deal with a clothing company. And no, it wasn’t a deal that he wouldn’t wear their clothing. I know, weird, right? Digital Spy says,

The Jersey Shore star and his brother received a $25,000 (£16,000) payment from Serious Pimp to promote their line of T-shirts on the MTV show and a variety of social media outlets, but failed to continue working with the brand.
TMZ reports that Serious Pimp launched the legal challenge in an effort to recoup the figure and obtain compensation from Sorrentino for lost profits.

Sorrentino and his brother were also given the opportunity to approve deigns for the garments, but “simply disappeared” with the money, according to the website.

Gee, you hand a sleazy greaseball wop a wad of cash and you’re surprised when he doesn’t hold up his end of the deal? I say you’re lucky if that’s all that happens. Normally I’d expect him to knock all the females in your family while he’s at it.

Emmy Rossum at the Showtime TCA party:

Lindsay Lohan doesn’t just steal fur coats and jewelery — she also steals secret formulas. Like Plankton, except with two eyes. And Hepatitis. Nine MSN says:

The perma-orange star has been charged with stealing a fake tan formula, which was then used in a range she promoted.

“Although I have been a spokesperson for Lorit, LLC, and its Sevin Nyne product, I had no involvement in where or how the Sevin Nyne product is marketed and sold or in the marketing strategy for the product,” [Lohan said in a] statement.

She even tried to get out of it by saying the law in Florida doesn’t apply to her, as she doesn’t actually live there.

“Although I occasionally visit Florida for pleasure, I have never had any acting jobs in Florida,” she said.

In other Lohan news, Lindsay checked herself into an “undisclosed Southern California” rehab facility yesterday. Just like she did in January 2007, when she checked into the Wonderland Center in L.A. for 30 days. Or like she did again in June of that same year. Only it was the Promises Treatment Center in Malibu, and it was for six weeks, not thirty days. Kinda like the stay she did at the Cirque Lodge two months later in Utah. That one was six weeks, too. And the crazy thing is, she just checked herself back into rehab, when technically she’s supposed to have been in rehab at UCLA’s Neuropsychiatric Hospital this whole time! Funny how it all comes full circle, isn’t it?

UPDATE: TMZ is now reporting that the “undisclosed rehab facility” she checked into is actually the famed Betty Ford Clinic in Rancho Mirage, California.

Paris Hilton is facing a $35 million dollar lawsuit from a hair extension company that claims she violated her contract by not promoting their product. Note to self: “stank” and “wonk” must be way more marketable than I first thought. TMZ says:

Hilton got just over $3.5 million since agreeing to become the spokesperson for Hairtech International’s Dream Catcher hair extension line in 2007.

But according to the docs, Paris didn’t satisfy her end of the bargain — Hairtech claims she was “seen in magazines and on television not wearing [their] hair extensions and was in fact wearing competitors’ hair extension products.”

Hairtech also claims she screwed them over when she went to jail in June 2007 — because Paris served her time when she was supposed to be at a very important launch party for the hair extensions.

“More than 600 hair extension professionals” were scheduled to attend at the party — but because Paris couldn’t make it, they lost opportunities which should have resulted in $6.6 million in revenue.

Now, Hairtech is accusing Paris of fraud and deceit — and claims they ultimately lost $35 million because of her actions.

Look, I hate Paris Hilton as much as the next guy, but this is the kind of quality product Hairtech International was cranking out the last three years. It’s called “The Bandit,” for chrissakes. The only way that company could have raked in $35 million off their broke-ass weaves is if they also accepted payment in WIC checks and crack cocaine.

The three passengers in Lindsay Lohan’s car and the passenger in the car she was chasing the night she barreled down Pacific Coast Highway piss-fucking-drunk are currently suing her for endangerment, but Lindsay couldn’t be bothered to make it to the deposition on Tuesday. According to TMZ

The passengers were scheduled to take Lindsay’s depo [Tuesday] at 10 AM but her lawyer [said] she couldn’t get a ride until 11 AM — she’s not allowed to drive as a condition of her probation.

[Tellingly, she was photographed leaving] Trousdale nightclub in West Hollywood at 2:30 AM [that same morning].

Now the people suing Lindsay are petitioning the judge to order her to appear in court and requesting a default judgment against her after she failed to show up to yesterday’s deposition as well. TMZ says

Lawyers are going to court Thursday morning, asking a judge not only to force Lindsay to sit for her deposition — they also want a default judgment against Lindsay for failing to appear.

Sorry, but just who do they think is gonna pay that default judgment if they win? It sure as hell ain’t gonna be Lindsay Lohan. She can’t get a job to save her life and she’s ovaries-deep in credit card debt. Last time I checked, you still couldn’t make payments in blowjobs and cigarettes. The people at the electric company were very specific about that.

Staggering out of some nightclub at four in the morning earlier this month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Mischa Barton is being sued by a New York real estate company after she failed to pay rent for an apartment she leased while shooting the now-canceled “The Beautiful Life.” According to the Daily Mail,

MRA Realties Inc claim the actress owes three months of unpaid rent on her apartment in the trendy TriBeCa area of New York.

MRA alleges Barton has rebuffed any attempts to collect rent over the past three months after signing a one year lease in September… [and] asks for Barton to pay back $21,300 in rent and legal fees.

Good luck getting that 21 grand back, guys. That shit is long gone. And I think we know exactly where it all went. It was battered and deep-fried and served with a side of delicious country gravy. Just like the remote and the sports section of yesterday’s paper. Honestly, you can’t leave Mischa alone with a deep-fryer and not expect shit like this to happen.

Sullen and soggy in New York yesterday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

A blogger is claiming that Oprah Winfrey pirated some of his poetry and used it in her internet-published work “Pieces of My Soul,” and now he wants recompense — to the tune of one TRILLION dollars! The National Enquirer says

In an intellectual property case filed July 31 with the US District Court in Washington, D.C. author Damon Lloyd Goffe of the Bronx, New York is suing the talk show titan and her production company Harpo, Inc for damages he claims to be worth $1 trillion.

In the legal papers, Goffe says that “in April 2008 Oprah confessed to seizing original works of authorship” and published on the internet the first draft of his work ” A Tome of Poetry” under another title “Pieces of My Soul.”

The suit also alleges Oprah sold over 650 million editions of the work online
for $20 a copy which “calculates for 1.2 trillion dollars.”

Then Damon went on to say, “The details of my life until this point are quite inconsequential… My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner and my mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum… it’s breathtaking. I highly suggest you try it” and then went back to stroking his hairless cat from an underground volcano lair.