The estranged husband of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Taylor Armstrong was found dead of an apparent suicide last night. So far, it doesn’t look like a case of erotic asphyxiation gone wrong, but you never know with some of these perverts. TMZ says:

Sources say Russell Armstrong hanged himself. He was found hanging in his bedroom on Mulholland Drive.

L.A. City Fire Department arrived at his home and pronounced him dead at 8:16 PM Monday.

Authorities have not found a suicide note. He was 47 years old.

Russell Armstrong just got divorced for the second time, was bankrupt, had a previous felony conviction for tax evasion and routinely beat every woman he bedded. I think the real question here is why he hadn’t committed suicide sooner.

The 60-year-old actor who played T-Bird Kenickie in Grease is in a coma after overdosing on pain pills last week. Radar Online says:

Jeff Conway was found unconscious on the floor of his Encino home May 11.

A source who asked not to be identify said the overdose was a suicide attempt.

Doctors aren’t optimistic. He slightly moved his head three days ago but since, there’s been no sign he’ll recover.

Conway is still recovering from the serious injuries he suffered last year in a near-fatal fall that caused a brain hemorrhage, and neck and hip fractures.

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s a chance that Celebrity Rehab might not be zenith of successful rehabilitation after all. Statistics indicate you have a better chance at getting clean at Charlie Sheen’s Sober Valley Lodge during Mardi Gras.

Less than 24 hours after “Malcolm in the Middle” star Frankie Muniz allegedly assaulted girlfriend Elycia Turnbow and turned a loaded gun on himself, the two went on a lovely, firearm-free dinner date together like nothing ever happened. TMZ says:

The [couple] spent a romantic evening at the Martini Ranch bar in Scottsdale [the night after the police were called to his home] and seemed “completely care free.”

The romance continued just a few days later — when Frankie organized a special Valentine’s Day dinner for the couple and even sent out a tweet that read, “the table’s all set for Valentine’s Day dinner … I love @elyciamarie.”

The best way to handle embarrassing and uncomfortable situations is just to pretend they never happened. Just like I did with “Agent Cody Banks.”

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

People magazine’s managing editor Peter Castro went on The Today Show this morning to discuss his five-hour interview with Mel Gibson’s baby mama Oksana Grigorieva. Castro says (via Radar Online):

Grigorieva said that “everything changed” on January 6, 2010, when Gibson flew into a rage, punched her in the mouth, accidentally hit the baby and pulled a gun on her at the couple’s Malibu mansion.

Grigorieva didn’t contact police because she feared humiliating Gibson could provoke him to kill her.

“I thought he would kill me,” the Russian singer said. “[But] I’m not angry at him. For the sake of Lucia, I really want him to be well. He has to have the courage to be responsible for what he’s done.”

She said that Gibson had talked about committing suicide, but seemed restrained because of his religious beliefs and feared going to hell.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the Bible (other than not to make fun of prophets for being bald or mix wool with linen), it’s that suicide is a sure-fire one-way ticket to hell. Punching your mistress while she’s holding your bastard child and waving a gun around is cool and all, but don’t you dare turn it on yourself if you want to enter those pearly gates. That shit just doesn’t fly with the Almighty. Just like queers and foreskins.

Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett of Playboy’s “Girls Next Door” fame has announced that she is retiring from the illustrious world of soft-core porn. But don’t be too sad, boys — I’m sure some other wigger with implants and a high school equivalency will come along soon to fill that void in your pants heart. Kendra told Radar Online

“No, I think my Playboy days are done. I’m a mother now. Of course I’m not going to quit my whole life but my Playboy days are done. Time to move on and be a mom, that’s my focus!”

Well, this may surprise you, but it seems that a girl who made a career out of getting naked for money may not have had the most emotionally stable childhood. Just sit down and take deep breaths if you’re feeling light-headed from the shock of this stunning revelation. Us Magazine says

In her new E! True Hollywood Story, [Kendra], now, 24, says that she was “about 13″ when she had her first experience with cocaine.

By the time Kendra was 15, she was abusing drugs and cutting [herself]. After [a failed suicide attempt], her mother decided to check her in for two weeks at a secured psychiatric facility.

By her sophomore year of high school, she was a runaway. “I was still on drugs,” she says. “I met a guy and I ended up running away with him. All throughout sophomore year I lived with this guy and I did drugs for that long. Every day, every minute.”

Kendra’s shocking True Hollywood Story premieres on E! Wednesday at 10 p.m. EST.

Wow. I’m still kinda reeling here. It’s almost like… like I don’t know what’s real anymore. One thing’s for sure, though — I’m going to have to huff a lot more VCR head cleaner for any of this to start making sense. The Jim Beam just isn’t doing the trick this morning.

Kendra at the premiere of “The Bounty Hunter” last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Andrew Koenig, only best known for his role as Boner Stabone on “Growing Pains,” was found dead in Vancouver, Canada yesterday. He had been missing for two weeks. TMZ says

Walter Koenig — father of Andrew Koenig — [confirmed that] his son, who had been missing since February 14, took his own life.

A police spokesperson said Andrew’s body was found in Stanley Park in Vancouver. The spokesperson said they are not releasing Andrew’s cause of death yet due to the sensitivity of situation.

I’m surprised this hadn’t happened earlier, to be honest with you. Just google his name and see what comes up. See if you can find one entry that doesn’t have the word “Boner” in it. You can’t! I tried. Being branded “the guy who played Boner Stabone” the rest of your adult life is cross no man should have to bear. This was really a long time coming.

And in honor of “boners” everywhere, Marisa Miller and friends in next month’s issue of British GQ:

British fashion designer Alexander McQueen was found dead at his London home this morning in what appears to have been a suicide. McQueen was just 40 years old. People Magazine says

According to the Scotland Yard report, “Police were called by London Ambulance Service at approximately 10:20 a.m. [Thursday] regarding a man found dead …The deceased is believed to be 40 years old and from London. The death is being treated as non-suspicious at this time.”

Britain’s Daily Mail reports that he hanged himself in his luxury apartment.

McQueen’s death comes days after the death of his mother, Joyce, and almost three years after the May 2007 suicide of his close friend Isabella Blow, who discovered the designer and helped launch his career.

Wow, so much death and tragedy. In times like these, I always turn to the Bible for strength and inner peace. Wait, I’m sorry — that should have read “boobies.” I always turn to boobies for strength and inner peace. Won’t you join me in ogling Irina Shayk’s rack as we mourn the death of the man responsible for this shoe? Amen.

From the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue:

Billy Joel’s 23-year-old daughter Alexa Ray was rushed to St. Vincent’s Hospital on Saturday after attempting suicide by ingesting a bunch of sleeping pills. The New York Post says

Medics were called to Alexa Ray Joel’s Bethune St. apartment in the West Village at approximately 12:21 p.m. [on Saturday]. A female caller told a 911 operator that Joel had taken several pills and wanted to die.

Cops are treating it as an attempted suicide.

“Alexa is stable. Her doctors are assessing her needs and that’s all we can say at this moment,” said Alexa’s and Billy’s personal publicist.

Joel was conscious at St. Vincent’s Hospital, and is expected to survive.

Well, this certainly was a long time coming. Just look at her. Her mom’s Christie freakin’ Brinkley, and she looks like something you’d get when you cross the Elephant Man with a pug with hydrocephalus. I bet she could even make blind kids cry.

Shopping in Manhattan on Sunday after being released:

Yeah, no such luck. Madonna may have thought about throwing herself off a building, but she has so much to live for. No, not her kids or anything, but her work. Daily Mail says,

She may have a tough exterior but Madonna has admitted she took a real blow during her divorced from director Guy Ritchie last year.

The 51-year-old revealed she was distracted only by her work, which included a gruelling world tour.

‘It was a challenging year,’ she says. ‘I may have thrown myself off a building. I think work saved me and I’m very grateful that I had work to do.’

I doubt any harm would have come if she did happen to throw herself off a building. I’ve always said she resembles a muscular spider, and you never know, she might be hiding some spinnerets under those black vinyl bodysuits. Peter Parker ain’t got nothin’ on her!

After weathering the beating Shawn Merriman gave her last month, Tila Tequila took to her Twitter page last Monday to announce that she has decided to commit suicide. Of course, she’s now backpedaling by password-protecting her page, as if that could magically erase from the interwebs all the stupid shit she tweeted and make everyone forget about her two-week death deadline. MSNBC obtained the following tweet:

“I am going to kill myself cuz I don’t want to live in a world where its filled with IGNORANCE! which majority of you ARE! & racists!”

And then there were these tweets (via Just Online Movies):

“It woulda been tonite I ended my life, but my friend caught me and stopped me. So I told him I will give him two more weeks.

No one can stop me. I am not depressed or unhappy! My life is amazing. It’s not about that though! God spoke to me and told me I am needed up there.

Dont be afraid of death as death is highly misunderstood. Death is very peaceful, serene, and welcoming for me. I have long awaited this.

We all have to go at some point in time, but my time is soon, so i can finally rest my mind. 2 more weeks and then we shall say goodbye.

I will give u two more weeks, but after that i shall be leaving. 2 more weeks until u weep for my life that has finally ended.”

Well, from what I remember from the movie, leprechauns always go for the retarded one first. That ought to make killing herself pretty easy. Plus, shooting a four-leaf clover in the ol’ kisser shouldn’t be too hard for a girl who’s made a career out of taking it in the mouth. It only makes sense she should die that way.

At Mr. Chow on Sunday, plus NSFW naked pics after the jump:

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“Jon and Kate Plus Eight’s” Jon Gosselin has reportedly threatened to kill himself on multiple occasions — at least according to the nanny he was plowing a month ago. Radar Online says

The father-of-8 is a pressure cooker waiting to boil over, says the mother of his babysitter and former lover, Stephanie Santoro.

In a shocking exclusive interview, Marci Santoro confirmed her daughter’s sexual relationship with Jon and said Gosselin threatened to kill himself.

“He said that everybody would be better off without him and that his children would be better off if he wasn’t around anymore,” Marci [said]. “He said to her, ‘I’m just going to kill myself, I’m just going to end it all.’”

No, your death wouldn’t end it all, you tubby little shit. You’d still have that shrew of an ex-wife and your eight little bastards running around daddy-less, and TLC would milk that shit for ratings like it was a fucking dairy cow. No, if you really want to “end it all,” you’ve got to take out your entire family first and then kill yourself. See UFC fighter Justin Levens for details.

Douching it up with his bodyguard in New York:

It’s looking like Adam “DJ AM” Goldstein’s overdose last Friday may have in fact been intentional — initial autopsy reports found that he had eight undigested OxyContin pills in his stomach and a ninth still unswallowed in his mouth. According to People Magazine

The finding suggests that DJ AM swallowed the powerful painkillers quickly. “He wanted to die,” says the source. “He was going unconscious when he took the last one. He didn’t even swallow it.”

Also, a mirror was propped against the outside of the apartment and another against the door of the bedroom, where Goldstein’s body was located in the bed. When the police, Goldstein’s manager and paramedics entered the bedroom, the mirror propped against the door shattered.

A crack pipe sat next to the body; when authorities moved the body, crack was found underneath. Goldstein, the source believes, “smoked a lot of crack, barricaded the doors and killed himself.”

Mmm, that does seem sketchy. For starters, your average drug user doesn’t barricade the doors every time they want to use. Lock, yes — barricade, no. That sort of behavior is usually relegated to paranoid schizophrenics and those orchestrating hostage situations. Secondly, the eight pills in his stomach hadn’t even dissolved before he started on the ninth, which was never even swallowed before he blacked out. That’s chasing more than just a buzz, my friend. Trust me, I spend two-thirds of my waking hours trying to get high, so I’m practically an expert. I think it’s pretty clear here that he meant to kill himself.

That said, it’s way too early in the morning for suicide, so here’s Marisa Miller’s boobies instead: