In an interview earlier this week where she renounced any interest in custody, former wife Debbie Rowe revealed that the late Michael Jackson’s three children were not biologically his own. But the big shocker? They’re not biologically hers, either. Dun dun DUN! TMZ says

Debbie Rowe is not the biological mother of the two kids she bore for Michael. All three children were conceived in vitro. Debbie’s eggs were not used. She was merely the surrogate, and paid well for her services.

Well, if Michael Jackson’s not their dad, then who is? According to Us Weekly

Their biological father is Arnold Klein, Jackson’s L.A.-based dermatologist and Rowe’s former boss.

Okay, so they’re biologically Arnold Klein’s, but legally they’re still Michael’s kids, right? Um, not exactly:

Jackson never filed legal papers to adopt any of his children.

As for why Jackson didn’t formally adopt — at the time the kids were born there was no third party whom he believed would try and claim custody. For some reason, Jackson never thought [anyone] would mount a custody challenge.

In other Michael Jackson news, the drug Propofol — which is only available to medical personnel and whose sole use is to put people under anesthesia before major surgery — was discovered at the his home. TMZ says

Propofol can only be administered with an IV. Propofol [produces an intense burning sensation] and the drug Lidocaine is used to reduce the pain associated with the Propofol injection. Interestingly, Lidocaine was found near Jackson’s body [at the time of his death].

One of the major side-effects of Propofol is cardiac arrest if it’s taken in combination with narcotic painkillers; however, Propofol is so powerful it can stop someone’s heart on its own.

Sources say the drug is so inappropriate and reckless for home use, if a doctor facilitated it for Jackson, he or she could be prosecuted for manslaughter.

Stayed tuned for tomorrow’s episode of “As the Michael Jackson Turns,” in which Dr. Rip Studwell reveals that John Black is actually the real Michael Jackson but doesn’t yet know it because of a mysterious case of amnesia, and that the Michael Jackson who died was actually an evil clone engineered by Stefano DiMera in an attempt to take down the Bradys once and for all.

Disturbing facial transformation video here.

Now that Michael Jackson is dead, ex-wife and surrogate mother Debbie Rowe is no longer bound to the confidentially agreement he paid her to sign. Her first order of business? Revealing that Michael was not the biological father of the children. She told News of the World

“I went to the… medical clinic [and] they impregnated me. It’s just like I impregnate my mares for breeding. Just like I stick the sperm up my horse, this is what they did to me. I was [Michael's] thoroughbred.

[But] it wasn’t Michael’s sperm.”

So how did their equine-metaphor-laden romance come to such an untimely end?

“We never had sex. He never wanted to live with me. That’s why he bought me a house. There was always ‘my house’ and ‘his house’, never ‘our house’.

The [second] delivery was so hard. My insides were all torn up and I was barren. When he knew I couldn’t have any more babies he didn’t want anything to do with me. He took the kids. The settlement was written up, and he just wanted me to be quiet.”

Which was probably a good thing, because she said of the children:

“I never felt any attachment to them. I got paid for it, and I’ve moved on. I was never cut out to be a mother. I don’t want these children in my life. My [horses] are my children.”

You know the kids are relieved to hear that. There’s a good chance if one of them had broken a leg that she would’ve taken them out back and shot them.

UPDATE: Us Weekly is now reporting that Michael’s mother Katherine Jackson has been granted temporary custody of the children.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s surrogate reportedly gave birth to twin girls today. According to TMZ

The babies were born this morning at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, according to [local radio station] WTRF.

The station is reporting Matthew and Sarah are currently at the hospital with the surrogate, and will make an announcement about the newborns later this afternoon.

I don’t know a lot about animal husbandry, but I do know that horses usually only give birth to one foal at a time, and in the rare case that there are two fetuses, one of them usually doesn’t survive the birthing process. Good thing Sarah Jessica didn’t try to carry the twins to term herself! That could have been a disaster.

UPDATE: People Magazine is reporting that they named the twins Marion Loretta Elwell Broderick and Tabitha Hodge Broderick. I guess “Future Dyke” and “Fatty-to-Be” were already taken.

SJP, or Madonna/Macbeth witch hybrid?:

The woman selected by Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick as the surrogate for their twin girls is a self-proclaimed “bisexual rocker.” According to the Daily Mail

Michelle Ross, who has previously acted as a surrogate mother for a New York gay couplel, is reportedly due to give birth in July.

Her MySpace profile reveals, ‘I have had pink hair and tattoos and spiked collars. My favourite shoes are five-inch black spike heels which lace up the front. I love metal and rock down to the bones.’

Michelle has a tattoo on one of her wrists of an overlapped pink and blue triangle, a symbol for bisexuality. On MySpace Ross identifies herself as ‘bi[sexual].’

Well, if Matthew couldn’t carry the twins to term himself, I suppose an ugly gay woman is probably the next best thing. The twins will probably never even know the difference, anyway.

With son James Wilke Broderick in the West Village this week:

So much for those rumors of infidelity and gayness — Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are expecting twins! Only someone else is gestating and delivering them, thanks to Matthew’s adult-onset vagina allergy and chronic jazz hand condition. People Magazine says

The Hollywood couple, who already have son James Wilkie, 6, announced they’re “happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate.”

Well, you know how that old saying goes — “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a man have sex with it.” Congratulations to the happy couple!

The most unconvincing display of heterosexuality since that time your drama teacher had to fill in for the gym coach back in high school: