Dad always used to say, “It’s amazing what a little makeup and a shave can do for a gal.” Of course, he was talking about the tranny prostitute he was arrested for soliciting, but I think it still applies here.
Britain’s Got Talent’s Susan Boyle all clean-shaven for next month’s Harper’s Bazaar:
“Hairy Angel” Susan Boyle was admitted to Priory clinic in London yesterday for an “emotional breakdown” after losing Britain’s Got Talent to dance troop Diversity on Saturday. According to The Sun
The 48-year-old virgin… was rushed to the private clinic suffering from exhaustion.
Show aides had contacted police to say she was acting strangely at her London hotel. Paramedics helped the “spaced-out” star through the lobby and into an ambulance just after 6pm.
A Britain’s Got Talent spokeswoman said: “Following Saturday’s show, Susan is exhausted and emotionally drained. We offer her our ongoing support and wish her a speedy recovery.”
What could have left her so “exhausted” and “emotionally drained,” you ask?
Earlier, she had launched into a furious four-letter outburst when told her glittering stage costume had failed to arrive just 15 minutes before she was due to appear on stage… [and] sank into the arms of producers before starting to cry.
For the record, she wasn’t bleeding to death after a forced female circumcision or being marched at gunpoint into a mass grave; her sparkly dress was a little late for the singing show. If beating old people wasn’t such a cultural taboo, I’d give her a “dream to dream” with the back side of a tire iron.
The winners being announced on the show’s finale after the jump
Britain’s Got Talent’s “Hairy Angel” Susan Boyle shocked fans and hotel guests alike with two separate expletive-laden rants in the space of 24 hours. According to The Sun
Susan flew into rage on Tuesday night after [Britain's Got Talent] judge Piers Morgan lavished praise on [fellow contestant] Shaheen Jafargholi. Susan - watching on the hotel bar’s TV with Shaheen’s pals, family and show fans - stood and screamed “fuck off” before flicking a “V” at the screen and storming out.
More than 100 people saw her tantrum.
“She got up, did one of those strange wiggling dances that she does, and then stuck two fingers up at the TV. Then she marched off. We didn’t see her again. Everyone was shocked by her outburst.”
But the sailor talk didn’t end there:
Cops intervened [the next day] after Susan, 48, went berserk in the lobby of the Wembley Plaza Hotel when two strangers set out to “wind her up.” The Scottish singer was heard to roar: “How fucking dare you! You can’t fucking talk to me like that.”
One of two cops stationed at the hotel went up and asked: “Is there a problem?”
Susan roared: “Of course there’s a fucking problem” [and]… turned on her heel and marched out the exit followed by her family, production staff and the cops.
TV producers ushered her back upstairs after police finished speaking to her.
Why is everyone so surprised by this? Of course she’s crazy. She’s a 48-year old virgin, for Chrissakes. Men will voluntarily fuck a park bench or a picnic table or even Paris Hilton after the right amount of alcohol, so if you’re a woman and half a century’s gone by without a man getting anywhere near your puss, it’s time to invest in multiple litter boxes and a prescription for crazy pills.
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