The only thing I know about Phoebe Price is that she loves having her picture taken and that she seems to be famous for nothing other than gallivanting around wearing the fugliest outfits. That, and her weird joker grin makes me think she may have sex with you, and then kill you. Or kill you and then have sex with you. Oh but that’s nothing. Just wait until she lays her eggs inside your body to act as a food source for her larvae, until the little buggers are mature enough to pop out, don tacky outfits and start posing for pictures of their own. I saw it on National Geographic before. It was called, The Reproduction of Attention Whores. True story.

You may bleach and dye and straighten the girl until she doesn’t really look black anymore, but you can never take away her desire for over-the-top, showy clothes and bling-bling. If it doesn’t have sequins and a mermaid hem, then it has a train that requires its own handler (see Toby adjusting it below?) I think I saw this dress on a Bob Mackie for Barbie dress back in the 80’s. Do you girls remember those? Those were so ridiculously awesome. That Sears Wishbook would come every Christmastime and I’d eagerly flip to see what spangled, sequined creation would be outfitting Barbie that year. I never got one, dammit. Maybe Beyonce didn’t get one either, and that’s why she’s been dressing like a peacock.

At the premiere of the shitty-looking new movie “Obsessed”: