Hey campers.  It’s Sarah today.  Abby’s on vacation and I’m sick as shit, so let’s just cut right to the chase and have a nice chat about what a goddamn crybaby little bitch Kanye West is (not that this should surprise anyone who’s ever heard of the interwebs or music or television or assholes).  Remember back in 2006 when Kanye said he should be part of the Bible?  What about the 2006 MTV EMAs in Copenhagen when Kanye rushed the stage and had a temper tantrum because he didn’t win Video of the Year?  I mean Jesus, just look at the expression on Timbaland’s face around the 3:10 mark:

In 2007, Kanye made an appearance at Al Gore’s “Live Earth” global benefit concert and danced like a monkey because he was getting paid, then turned around and went right back to having $4000 meals flown halfway around the world just so his ass could feel fancy.  Then there were the 2007 MTV VMAs when Kanye pitched a hissy backstage after failing to win in any of the five categories for which he was nominated:

He wasn’t done pouting like a little girl, though.  He followed that up with more than a week of missed performances and interviews.  Kanye spent the majority of 2008 getting arrested for assault, and in the spring of 2009 he went on VH1’s Storytellers and went out of his way to sound as arrogant and retarded as possible.

Kanye West has spent the last few years doing everything in his power to be the most selfish, immature, tantrum-throwing diva in the world and he doesn’t give a fuck about other people, so what happened at last night’s 2009 MTV VMAs cannot possibly come as a shock to anyone.  Taylor Swift was a surprise winner for Best Female Video, and Kanye jumped on stage, grabbed the microphone from her and started yelling about how Beyoncé had “one of the best videos of all time”.  Poor Taylor had no idea what the hell to do and just stood there frozen:

“I was standing on stage and I was really excited because I’d just won the award and then I was really excited because Kanye West was on stage,” Swift recalled after the show. “And then I wasn’t excited anymore after that.”

Jesus, what a goddamn jackass.  Taylor Swift is 19 years old.  Nineteen.  She’s a KID.  That’s like running up to a tiny tot on the beach and taking a dump on their sandcastle whilst shrieking about how you once knew a dude who turned sand into fairy dust with his mind.  It makes you look unhinged and disgusting, and it makes everyone else totally uncomfortable.  Also, fairy dust is fake and pointlessly glittery, just like Beyoncé.

Election officials have publicly humiliated actor Tim Robbins after it was discovered that his little Election Day tantrum was his own stupid fault. It would seem that Captain America attempted to vote in the wrong polling place, which he might have realized earlier had he actually bothered to vote in any election in the last four years. According to the NY Daily News

Records showed Robbins moved in 2004 and filed a new registration. His proper polling site was in the Andrew Heskell Library on W. 20th St., where Robbins’ name was in the poll book.

“It would appear,” Robbins was informed in a letter from [the] Manhattan election commissioner, “that your voting experience was less than positive because you simply went to the wrong poll site.” The letter noted that Robbins might not have made his mistake had he voted “in any recent election.”

You know, it’s moments like these that reaffirm what I do for a living. Bashing the celebrity emperor and his self-righteous new clothes can be so fulfilling on so many levels. Of course, so can buying a megaphone and using a pig’s heart to paint the words “Tim Robbins is a Twat” on his apartment building front door, but police always seem to want to get involved in that sort of process.