I get about five or six emails a day calling me a racist, or a misogynist, or a racist misogynist, so today I’m going to make a point to show you that I can be just as demeaning to men as I am to women, regardless of their race. I present “Twilight’s” Taylor Lautner, in all his wet-shirted glory. I guess a man frolicking in the waves and staving off a head injury is sexy to some people. And by “some people” I of course mean “queers.” I don’t want to come off as too self-righteous here or anything.

Even more after the jump:

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I’m assuming more than a few of you have subjected yourselves to those heinous Twilight books, and thus are aware of the fact that New Moon is, by far, the worst book in the whole series (which is seriously goddamn saying something, since every page you read of those books will make you exponentially dumber).  For those who had the sense to stay far, far away from the books but still wish to suffer, it’s your lucky day!  Here’s the new, extended trailer for New Moon:

Vampires and werewolves and retards, oh my: