Porn star Jenna Haze burrowed her face deep into Taylor Momsen’s crotch while she performed “Make Me Wanna” die with her band The Pretty Reckless at the House of Blues last night (FF to the 2:50 mark or it WILL make you wanna die), and all I could think when I saw it was “eh… whatever.” It’s a fully clothed porn star and the best you get is a little over-the-pants-groping and some halfhearted thrusting. I’ve seen Hanes Her Way commercials that were more risque than this crap.

Turns out that Taylor Momsen IS just as greasy and nasty as she looks. And it’s not an act, either, because she quit acting, remember? The Daily Mail says:

The 18-year-old Gossip Girl star and singer recently revealed in an interview with Elle magazine that sometimes she doesn’t wash.

When asked what sort of beauty products she takes with her on tour, she said: ‘I tend not to bring a lot — [just] a lot of black eyeshadow. A lot of the time you don’t have time to shower.

Even truck stop hookers have the decency to hit the Mapco sink and a couple of baby wipes between johns. Why? I’m gonna give you one word — “seepage.” Process that for a minute. And now imagine that seepage has been encased in vinyl hot pants and fishnets and broiling in crotch sweat every night for a week straight. Having sex with her would be like dipping your dick in a damn car battery.

Performing with her band The Pretty Reckless last month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

You’d think with all the makeup that Taylor Momsen drowns her face in, she could spare a little for the big freaking red pimples on her neck. I guess all that time on the tour bus, you pick up some bad habits, like picking said pimples and screwing your bandmates. Add a few more and she’d have her own Ring of Fire.

Getting off her tour bus in Vienna:

Taylor Momsen and her craptacular band The Pretty Reckless spent Valentine’s Day at the Martini Ranch in Scottsdale, AZ.  It’s nice to see she’s fostering a sense of romance. And by “romance” I mean, serving up her 17-year-old ass as jailbait. Because nothing says “love” like a statutory rape charge. That’s how it was explained to me by my 26-year-old boyfriend when I was a teen.

A few more crappy pictures:

Taylor Momsen got all dressed up in her formal underwear for the premiere of Justin Bieber’s Never Say Never movie premiere. If I didn’t know who she was, I’d assume that the poor person working the projector hired a hooker to make the time more bearable.

Uber-bad-girl Taylor Momsen stopped suckling at Satan’s teat long enough to get herself suspended from her crappy show Gossip Girls. Us Magazine reports,

The increasingly controversial 17-year-old actress will begin an “indefinite hiatus” from Gossip Girl following next Monday’s episode, sources tell Deadline. Reps for the CW and Warner Brothers declined to comment.

Momsen has played Jenny Humphrey, kid sister to Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) since the CW soap debuted in 2007. Although a series regular, she has only appeared in three episodes so far in the current fourth season.

“She only does [the show] for the money,” a source explains to UsMagazine.com “She works hard on Gossip Girl but doesn’t care about the plot or the other cast members. She treats it like a 9-5. No emotional investment.”

Momsen, who also fronts the rock band Pretty Reckless, has grown up since her big-screen debut at age 7 as cute Cindy Lou Who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas — raising eyebrows with her skimpy, intensely Gothic wardrobe, notoriously foul-mouthed interviews and angry, age-inappropriate antics.

The new Us Weekly even reports that, for her Oct. 21 Pretty Reckless concert at NYC’s Don Hill’s (in which she flashed her breasts to the crowd) Momsen had a startling request: “Her rider included a full bar in her dressing room,” an insider told Us. “That was rejected — she’s underage!”

Somehow I don’t think she got herself suspended for not being “emotionally invested”. I’m thinking a little less “not emotionally invested”, and more “blowing everyone on set, including gaffer Bob’s Chihuahua”. That seems more up Taylor’s sleazy little alley.

With her The Pretty Reckless bandmates at MTV European Video Awards in Madrid:

After the vicious denial she gave the last time she was on The Today Show, a visibly subdued Dina Lohan finally admitted to Matt Lauer this morning that her daughter Lindsay was in fact an addict. MSNBC says:

The reason she’d been unwilling to admit [her daughter was an addict] before was because Lindsay had to admit it first. “I wasn’t in denial,” Dina said. “As a mother it wasn’t for me to come and tell the world about her problem… It was for her to come to her evolution. As a mother we protect.”

“She’s just a different person. She’s been in a couple facilities, but this one to me has really changed her.”

She’s obviously still in denial, only she’s switched gears from “she’s not an addict” to “now she’s a changed woman!” And not only that — she’s also in denial about that crappy weave making her look young and hip and sexy. The overprocessed hair extensions ship sailed about fifteen years ago, sister. And everyone on board drowned in a sea of that frosted pink lipstick you’re wearing. I think it’s finally time to let go.

And speaking of complete denial, Taylor Momsen at the EMAs:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

17-year old Taylor Momsen can’t act and can’t sing, but she has tits and she’s willing to show them. What can I do? My hands are tied! The Daily Mail says:

Singing with her band The Pretty Reckless [at Don Hill's in New York last week], the Gossip Girl star deliberately pulled down her ripped top to reveal her bra-less assets with strips of black gaffer tape covering her nipples.

With a knowing look, she carried on singing and only pulled her top back up after a few seconds having made sure her stunt had been noticed at Thursday night’s gig.

The flashing occurs at the 1:05 mark, but the squares at Hollywood Life covered up all the good stuff with a black bar, so I don’t even know why you’d watch. But if you do, turn the volume all the way down first, because we at Yeeeah! cannot not be held accountable for the savage beating your co-workers will inevitably give you if you unknowingly subject them to it:

I’m convinced this chick was raised by wolves. Sexy slut wolves. In Revolver:

UPDATE: Now with uncensored footage from her concert in Toronto where she did the same schtick (3-second tit flash with gaffer tape) after the jump.

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I guess if I was the poor man’s Avril Lavigne, I’d want to carry a gun, too. That way I could turn it on myself when I finally realized how pathetically conventional my anti-establishment schtick really was.

Taylor Momsen showed up at Macy’s in New York to help promote Madonna and daughter Lourdes‘ new clothing line, “Material Girl”. I guess “promoting” means standing around looking like a tool. What you don’t realize is that those aren’t sunglasses she’s wearing. That’s her eye makeup.

This girl is 17, btw.

Taylor Momsen and her shitty Hole-knockoff band The Pretty Reckless have a new video out for her latest single “Miss Nothing.” The Daily Mail says

The Gossip Girl star has gone all out to shock in the new music video.

The teen is shown crawling seductively across a table set up to look like Leonardo DaVinci’s painting, The Last Supper, which depicts Jesus’ final meal with his 12 apostles.

At first Momsen can be seen wearing a white veil, seated in the middle of the table and surrounded by the male members of the band.

Wearing a very tight, very short white dress and perspex heels she then climbs onto the table and begins to crawl down it, knocking over glasses and plates.

The only part of the video that really resonated with me was the other band members’ bored, blank expressions. And all I can think every time she smacks a plate onto the floor is “Hey! I was maybe gonna eat that!”

16-year old “Gossip Girl” star Taylor Momsen performed her first-ever live gig with her band “The Pretty Reckless” in London last night dressed like a crack whore with rickets and scurvy. Allow me reiterate here — she’s sixteen years old. Sixteen. That would be the same age as Justin Bieber. Miley Cyrus is older than she is. She must sleep in an oak barrel surrounded by the stuff they use to age soft cheeses.

You don’t find hair that luscious and vibrant unless Britney Spears’ shower drain needed unclogging:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News