Dozens of female celebrities and actresses — from the Olsen Twins to supermodel Cindy Crawford — get almost-naked in photographer Timothy White’s new book “Hollywood Pinups” ($39.95, Collins Design). Actress Angie Harmon, seen above, gets the most naked of all, but not just because naked hot chicks are awesome. The collection of naughty photos is actually a charitable endeavor — 100% of the proceeds go to fight global poverty. And, it seems, to aid those without an impetus to masturbate. Statistics indicate it’s the biggest problem currently facing males age 14-73 in our nation today! Won’t you do your part and get naked, too? I say it’s time to stop being part of the problem and start becoming part of the solution, ladies!

Actor David Duchovny and wife Téa Leoni announced yesterday that they are separating, but NOT because David’s a pervert who just spent a month in sex rehab (although I’m sure that couldn’t have helped). The real reason behind the split? According to the Daily Mail:

It was not his ’sexual compulsion proclivity’ that caused the break-down of their marriage, but rather his discovery of explicit text messages on her mobile phone sent by actor Billy Bob Thornton. Five-times married Billy Bob met Téa when they made a comedy film together earlier this year called Manure.

The couple are separating after 11 years and two children.

Going from Fox Mudler to that deviant who used to pork Angelina Jolie during the heroin and cutting phase is like swapping out Marv Alberts for the goddamn Marquis de Sade. I hope Téa invested in a good genital cuff and several different kinds of broad-spectrum antiviral agents, because you can bet your sweet bippy she’s gonna need ‘em.

Sorry for the late start, boys and girls. I woke up this morning believing I had been pistol whipped and sodomized, but it turns out that I had just been drinking tequila the night before. The sodomy part apparently came much later.

And speaking of sodomy, actor David Duchovny is out of sex rehab and happy as ever, as evidenced by the above photograph of him and wife Tea Leoni at the Czech Festival in New York yesterday. According to Czech site Idnes.cz

Presentation of young boys who mouth imitate various sounds, even taking account of the famous representative agent Fox Mulder of the series The X-Files David Duchovny with his wife, actress Téa Leoni. Together ochutnali Czech flapjacks.

That came straight from Google translator, so whatever the hell “presenting young boys” and “ochutnailing Czech flapjacks” means, you can bet your sweet bippy it’s perverse. It sound like some kind of crazed orgiastic cunnilingus festival orchestrated by Caligula himself. I think the question we’re all asking ourselves here is, “Where exactly do I sign up?”