Billy Ray Cyrus just doesn’t understand why daughter Miley’s pole dance at the Teen Choice Awards earlier this month was such a big freakin’ deal. It’s just a 16-year old in hot pants squatting around a pole, and besides, if there’s anything Hollywood has taught us, it’s that hypersexualizing teenage girls always has a happy ending. Just ask Britney Spears! He told Us Magazine

“You know what? I just think that Miley loves entertaining people,” he [says] of his 16-year-old daughter, who swirled around a pole attached to an ice cream truck during her performance of “Party in the USA” Aug. 10.

“I always tell her to love what you’re doing and not worry so much about opinion. I give my kids a lot of freedom. I think it’s important.”

Trish and Billy Ray really should’ve named her Fancy instead of Miley. They already put her in a dancin’ dress (okay, dancin’ shorts) and whored her out uptown. “Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy, and theyll be nice to you!” It’s almost like Reba McEntire wrote that song just for her.

Whoring out her new Max Azria line for Wal-Mart:

Here’re pictures of Miley Cyrus last night at the Teen Choice Awards, making another great public image move. There’s all sorts of arguments going on about whether she really was using the pole as a dancing prop or just something to keep her balance, but that just sounds stupid. Unless there’s colored ribbon coming out of the top and those trampy backup singers are singing “Here We Go Round the Maypole”, it’s a fucking stripper pole!

The Teen Choice Awards took place last night, but it’s not airing until tonight, which doesn’t make any sense to me. I suppose it’s a test of willpower for the tweens who watch this shite to not go online and you know, see who won ahead of time. Me, personally, I’m not the least bit interested in who won what when your nominees include Douche Pack members like Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Zac Efron. I’d rather just look at pictures and make fun of everyone, wouldn’t you?

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You know how I know Zac Efron’s gay? Um, this:

Zac Efron just wants to be one of the girls!

The 20-year-old was so concerned about his hair backstage at the Teen Choice Awards [that] he asked to borrow a curling iron. “He said [it was for girlfriend] Vanessa Hudgens, but it was really for him!” says a source. “He said the humidity was killing his hair and that it was flat.”

Moments later, Zac was seen styling his locks.

Really, the only way this story could be any gayer is if it came with volumes 1 and 2 of “Sweaty Man Love” and a Polyphonic Spree CD.

Singer Katy Perry will attend the Miley Cyrus-hosted Teen Choice Awards this August, and she’s already got some big ideas for the show. Us Weekly says

Katy… joked, “[I'd like to kiss] Miley Cyrus [at the Teen Choice Awards!] Maybe we’ll have another Britney-Madonna moment on stage. How hilarious would that be? Although I don’t think it would help her career. However, it would definitely help mine!

Miley’s response to Katy’s tongue-in-cheek request? Massive bitchiness. According to E! Online

“No thanks,” Miley told Marc Malkin. “She sang on my record. So I think she’s kind of getting back at me, because she was doing harmonies and backgrounds.” Meow!

“Getting back at her?” What the hell is that? That doesn’t even make any sense. Katy’s response (via Hollywood Grind):

“6 weeks in a row at number one, and Miley recorded two of my old songs.”

Which old song? Oh, just the song that is burning up the charts for Miley, which Miley forgot to attribute to Katy. The song is called Breakout, which Katy Perry recorded several years ago, and Miley both copied, and used Breakout as the title track for her Breakout album.

What an ungrateful, hypocritical, self-important little twat. She’ll happily take pictures of herself bending over in her underpants and in a wet t-shirt and pulling down her pants, but God forbid she banter back a harmless joke about kissing Katy Perry. She’d do well to remember that you should never bite the hand that feeds you. Especially if that hand is prettier and more talented and doesn’t smell like Billy Ray Cyrus’ asshole.

Katy, Katy, and more Katy: