A lawyer for Mariah Yeater denied TMZ’s claims that she had withdrawn her paternity suit against Justin Bieber last week, claiming negotiations to obtain a confidential DNA test were still taking place. The Daily Mail says:

Chicago based paternity lawyer Jeffrey Leving confirmed he is still very much on board [with Yeater] and negotiations with teen star Justin Bieber’s legal team are still active.

In a telephone interview with a Chicago news station today he confirmed: ‘I did not step down… it’s a new legal team. In light of death threats against my client, strategies have been reviewed.

Negotiations are going on right now with Bieber’s council and we’re trying to negotiate a private, secure DNA test with the same safe guards that would exist if there were a court order, but without a court order.

My goal is that when the DNA test is completed is to keep everything confidential.”

Which points to Yeater’s legal team pushing for a financial settlement regardless of paternity — basically paying her to go away. However, Yeater’s lawyers have not addressed how this is gonna work exactly now that she’s been busted asking friends to delete old text messages from her in which she indicates another man is actually the father of her bastard child. Awkward! TMZ says:

Justin Bieber’s alleged baby mama sent a text Wednesday to a friend, begging him to erase an incriminating text in which her mom says someone OTHER than Justin Bieber is the baby daddy, and then promising to give him a cut of the action when she scores a payday.

In the text, Yeater pleads “ERASE ALL MESSAGES from my mom.” The text goes on to say that her mom sent messages in the past stating that baby Tristyn was fathered by Robbie — an ex-boyfriend.

She then goes on to talk about giving [him] money if he cooperates: “Ill kick u when we get paid.”

In [another] text, Mariah writes, “Would you please stress to Robbie how important it is for him to be in his son’s life?” Apparently, Mariah forgot about this text, because she didn’t ask him to erase it.

Howard Weitzman, Justin Bieber’s lawyer said: “This information proves Mariah Yeater fabricated the story. Our independent investigation indicates Ms. Yeater never met Justin, she has consistently identified another man as the child’s father, and Ms. Yeater and her co-conspirators hatched this scheme in order to extort money from him and to sell her story to the media.”

Weitzman adds, “There have been no settlement discussions and there never will be.”

Once I was pretty sure I had “Bieber fever,” too, but it turned out it was just chlamydia. Fortunately, they make a pill for that nowadays.

John Mayer decided to weigh in on the Tiger Woods sexting situation, and his commentary is just as goddamn retarded as you might expect.  From OK!:

John Mayer is happy to admit he sends the ladies in his life some fairly adult material via text message, but the difference between him and shamed golfer Tiger Woods? The guitar player isn’t the one with a wife.

“No. Tiger Woods’ problems come from him being married. The end. It has nothing to do with control,” John told the UK’s Independent newspaper. “If Tiger Woods was a single guy, what sort of angle would there be to a text message?

“If Tiger Woods was single and he texted a girl and said, ‘I wanna
wear your a** like a hat,’ why would that ever hit the news?

“I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I’m not married. I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls, and you’ve never seen any of them.

“Why? Because if a girl brought a dirty text message from me to the
newspapers, they’d say, ‘I don’t have an angle here. Someone wants to
wear your a** like a hat? Big deal. He’s 32 years old. He’s a single
guy. If John Mayer has a wife and sends dirty texts, then we got a
story.’ And that’s why I won’t do that.”

“When I get married, that’s gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer,
take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her a** like headgear?’
Yes, I do – you’re the one whose a** I wanna wear like a hat for the
rest of my life.”

Gee whiz, what a charmer.  What girl doesn’t dream of this kind of panty-melting romance from a silvertongued devil of her very own?  And by that, of course I mean to say that John Mayer is an unfunny, self-absorbed asshat whose ego might theoretically be big enough to actually plug the hole in the ozone, if only he’d use his asshat powers for good instead of evil.

The Atlanta stripper who claimed to have had a one-night stand with a very-married Josh Duhamel didn’t just pass a lie-detector test last week — turns out she is also in possession of several racy texts sent from the Transformers star himself that categorically corroborate the alleged affair. It also helps that Josh went around the set of his new movie blathering about it to anyone who’d listen. Us Magazine says

Nicole Forrester didn’t seek out the the National Enquirer in hopes of a payday.

“Josh bragged about what happened on the set of his movie [Life As We Know It], and someone called the Enquirer with the tip,” [Forrester's lawyer said]. “The Enquirer then came to Nicole.”

Various women across the country have now come forth to claim their own dubious sexcapades with Duhamel, 34.

On Oct. 30, a woman named Serena called in [to a San Francisco radio station] to say that while the then-engaged actor was filming the Transformers sequel at a New Mexico Air Force base in 2008, he slept with her best friend who was stationed there.

I think the lie-detector test and the texts pretty well seal the deal. The only way that stripper could be more convincing is if she also had a signed and dated photo of the actor which read “I put my wiener inside you and moved it in and out, Love Josh Duhamel.” And with his stellar track record for subterfuge, I wouldn’t necessarily rule that possibility out yet. Remember, celebrities are notoriously fucking stupid. It’s the only reason I have a job.

Speaking of stupid celebrities, Lady Gaga in SoHo in a bra and g-string and lace table cloth:

Jessica Simpson’s ill-advised “Barbie and Ken” themed birthday party never came to fruition this past weekend because boyfriend Tony Romo found texts on her phone from ex John Mayer. According to Radar Online

“[Tony and Jessica] were hanging out and he picked up her phone and she got defensive about it,” the source revealed. “Tony found messages from John and went ballistic.”

While the couple has had their fair share of rocky patches during their relationship, the idea of Simpson possibly cheating with Mayer was the straw that broke the camel’s back: “Tony dumped her right then. He walked out and that was it.”

Although she gets dumped more often than Jennifer Aniston, brave little Jess hasn’t given up on love just yet. She tweeted

“Barbie party didn’t happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling, ‘I love getting older! Everyone needs to know that hope floats … grab the strings and pull it back to you.”

And if that doesn’t work, put it in a chokehold and smother it with Rocky Road ice cream. You can’t spell “desperate” without “ate,” you know!

Back when she was still hot: