In douchebag news, it looks like Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag finally got pretend married in the publicity-stunt wedding of their jackassy dreams. They “eloped” in Mexico last Thursday, in a 15-minute “unplanned” ceremony. From US Weekly:
Introducing, Mrs. Heidi Montag Pratt!
The Hills star wed her longtime beau, Spencer Pratt, in a secret ceremony in Cabos San Lucas, Mexico, on Nov. 20, US Weekly reports in its newest issue.
“The minute we said our vows, I couldn’t stop crying,” Montag, 22, tells US.
At the altar, Pratt, 25, told his bride: “Heidi, from the moment you came into my life, I knew my life would never be the same without you. You are the light in my life like the sun to the earth! Your loving warmth makes me want to be a better person. Being with you, I feel complete. I’m honored to even be able to call you my wife. You are the most amazing, loving and caring woman on this planet. I will love you forever and always.”
Uh huh. Suuure. Love, forever and always. Love of headlines and magazine covers and attention, in any form, good or bad. Gosh, it’s just so romantic, innit? Heidi’s family is, of course, incredibly supportive of this magically enchanted journey into wedded bliss, if by “supportive” you mean “completely unaware”.
Someone who might not be so thrilled? Montag’s mother.
“I called her right before the ceremony, sort of hinted that something that happened, but her reaction was to ask me if we were breaking up! I told her it might be something else, and she said, ‘Well, if you ever plan on getting married just know that your stepdad is really upset that you want your father to walk you down the aisle,’” Montag tells Us.
“She was starting so much drama, it kind of pushed me toward wanting to get married without that,” she adds. “I don’t know when I’ll tell her.”
Well, thank heavens you had the taste and decorum to tell her by way of an attention-whoring announcement in US Weekly, Heidi. You are truly a beacon of class.
If these two spawn, I swear to God I might hurt someone. If there really is a Santa Claus, all I want him to do for Christmas is to render them infertile. It’d be a gift for the whole world. Please, Santa? I’ve been a good girl all year! I didn’t even get arrested, except for that one time I was held on suspicion of impersonating a police officer, but that was all just a misunderstanding involving a pair of handcuffs, three schoolboys, and a public bathroom. No charges were filed!
