Ohh boy. Can you hear it? It’s the sound of tweens worldwide simultaneously “Squee!”-ing at the same time. It’s fictional romance come to life! Daily News is reporting that Twilight’s Kristen Stewart may be carrying Robert Pattinson’s pasty spawn.

An Australian tabloid is claiming that “Twilight” heartthrob Robert Pattinson has knocked up his onscreen and rumored real-life girlfriend, Kristen Stewart.

An “insider” quoted by Australia’s New Weekly says, “When [Stewart] worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant. And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.”

The gossip mag also reports she had a friend buy a home pregnancy test for her, and that she is “very nervous about the whole situation.”

The article is accompanied by a photo of Stewart with a tiny round belly protruding from her pants on the set of her upcoming film “The Runaways,” in which she plays rocker Joan Jett.

While the pregnancy story is making the rounds on the Web, reps for Stewart and Pattinson have not confirmed whether there is any truth to the New Weekly’s report.

I’m thinking of writing my own Twilight fan fiction. In it, Bella gets knocked up by Edward because she’s too much of a stoned mouth-breather to make him use a condom, her dad finds out and kicks her out of the house, and she has to drop out of school. Edward starts acting all squirrely because he’s suddenly not sure he really loves Bella all that much, and ignores the notes that she leaves him, even though they’re written in blood. Bella gets all weepy and depressed and spends her days deep-throating Twinkies, gets super fat, pimply, then Edward chokes her and she dies of a broken heart shortly after delivering the surprise twins, which Edward promptly eats. The End.

Displaying the “pooch” and really bad posture during “The Runaways” filming:

The only thing I like more than video of people falling down is video of people throwing up. Catching them throwing up while falling down is pure comedy gold, but my sister got all upset the last time I put her wedding video on the internet. You’ll just have to trust me on this one.

Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett in “The Runaways”:

I’ve been ignoring this whole Runaways movie business for awhile, hoping it would just magically disappear.  I’m not sure precisely where the flaw was in my master plan, but things went awry at some point and the movie version of The Runaways starring Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning is still happening.  Stewart and Fanning are currently undergoing “vocal training” in preparation for their roles as Joan Jett and Cherie Currie, respectively.

I’m pretty sure that if you got a chimpanzee messed up on meth and put it on rollerskates with letters stuck to the wheels and then sent it skidding out into an oil slick, it could probably manage to stamp out a better idea than a movie starring a stoner Twilight retard and the little girl from Charlotte’s Web as the kickass chicks who sang “Cherry Bomb” and “Queens of Noise”.

Dakota Fanning arriving at a studio for voice lessons whilst playing dress-up in big girl shoes:

Kristen Stewart with her hair newly dyed black and cut in Joan Jett’s trademark shag: