Think you know who Paris Hilton is? According to her, she only plays “vapid self-absorbed idiot” on TV. Says Female First,

Paris Hilton will show her “real” self in her new TV show.

The 29-year-old heiress has promised ‘The World According to Paris’ – which will air on US network Oxygen in the spring -will show her how she really is, unlike the “character” she created to appear with pal Nicole Richie on ‘The Simple Life’ between 2003 and 2007.

She said: “On ‘The Simple Life’, I was playing a character I kind of invented. I didn’t realise the show would last five seasons, so I had to keep doing it.

“I think people assume that’s really how I am in real life. But when I’m with my friends and my family is when I feel most comfortable and myself. In the show, it really shows the real Paris.”

So all this time she’s just been Method acting. She really isn’t a stupid twat, it’s all been an act! Oh Paris, you really got me. So…when are you going to start acting like the smart, responsible and productive citizen that you must be underneath this brainless exterior? I’m waaaaitiiing…

At the NBC Universal 2011 Winter TCA Press Tour All-Star Party:

Paris Hilton’s stank is apparently so off-putting that her “friends” have to be paid to trepass into the herpetic Chernobyl dead-zone that surrounds her. MSNBC dishes,

After watching Hilton’s friendship with Nicole Richie run its natural, unedited course on “The Simple Life,” it’s disheartening to learn that aspiring rocker Brittany Flickinger was recently crowned the heiress’s BFF on MTV in name only.

“Paris told friends she only hung with Brittany because she was obligated to,” a source told Us. Come next season, “she said they’re going to have a fight that ends the ‘friendship.’”

That girl will probably have to be put into a clean room, stripped naked, have lye thrown on her and scrubbed down with long-handled brushes by people in masked plastic suits before she’ll be free from the taint of association with the Parisite.

Paris looking like a knobby-kneed giraffe in shoes at a photoshoot for FILA on Venice Beach.