In a stunning example of poor, blind Justice being bent over and savagely violated, Lindsay Lohan has been released from formal probation. TMZ reports,

Lindsay Lohan is a semi-free woman, after Judge Stephanie Sautner just declared, “She did it!” — she successfully completed her probation requirements.

The judge took Lindsay off probation altogether in what herhonor called “the endless” 2007 DUI case. If Lindsay had not completed the terms of her probation, Judge Sautner could have sentenced her to 270 days in the pokey. When the judge terminated probation, Lindsay cracked a big smile and breathed a huge sigh of relief.

As for the necklace heist case, Judge Sautner said Lindsay completed community service at the morgue, therapy and the shoplifter’s course — so her formal probation is now informal probation, and all Lindsay has to do is OBEY ALL LAWS for the next 2 1/2 years. Sautner said, “I know it’s kinda hard when people are following you all over the place … but that’s the life you chose.”

Judge Sautner gave Lindsay some good advice, “Stop nightclubbing and focus on your work.”

In the end, Lindsay and her lawyer, Shawn Holley, thanked the Judge. Lindsay said to the judge, “What you’ve done has really opened a lot of doors for me.”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing Lindsay heard when the judge was giving her advice was that sound the teacher makes in the Peanuts cartoons. I don’t think she was speaking of her own volition, either. That trout pout has to be self-aware by now.

Arriving at the court:

Photo source: Fame Pictures

Chris Brown is an asshole, so it’s no surprise when he pulls some asshole stunt like snatching an iPhone out of the hand of a fan who dared to take his picture outside a club in Miami and then speeding off with it inside his car. Incidentally, Chris is still on probation for that beating he gave Rihanna, so if he ends up getting arrested for theft, there’s always a chance he could go to jail on a probation violation. TMZ says:

24-year-old Christal Spann filed a police report Sunday for “robbery by snatching” — claiming she followed Chris and rapper Tyga out of Cameo nightclub early in the morning and snapped a picture of Chris getting into his Bentley.

Christal told cops Chris flipped out when he saw her camera phone — then grabbed it through the car window, saying, “Bitch, you ain’t going to put that on no website.”

Chris then rolled up his window and drove off — $500 iPhone in hand.

No arrests have been made and no warrant has been issued yet. The incident is currently under investigation.

I see he treats his fans the same way he treats the women he dates. At least the guy’s consistent, right?

Adriana Lima on the beach for a VS photo shoot:

The jeweler Lindsay Lohan supposedly robbed last month may have just shot themselves in the foot by selling the surveillance video to Entertainment Tonight to the tune of thirty-five grand. TMZ says:

The jewelry store has been working with a broker for the last few days and the video has been sold.

Lindsay’s defense is that the necklace was a loan … the jeweler begged to differ. So intent is critical, and if the jeweler is called to the stand and admits this was just a convenient way of scoring some quick cash from the media, they will have [little] credibility.

They’re saying that this could knock Lindsay’s felony charge down to a misdemeanor and ultimately really help her case, but I think we all know Lindsay is pissed. Pissed that she didn’t sell her copy of the footage first. $35,000 would have been the biggest paycheck she’s seen since her new movie “Herbie: Fully Loaded” opened 68 months ago. That’s a good three month’s worth of cartons of cigarettes and prophylatics down the drain right there. You can’t get that back!

Just this past weekend, Lindsay Lohan cracktweeted her little heart out about how “drama-free” her 2010 was going to be.  To the surprise of absolutely no one, that master plan went to hell in a handbasket in only a couple of days.  Lindsay is a failure in every way, however, so of course things are getting more ridiculous by the minute.  From People:

Merely a week after plans to expand her leggings line 6126 into a full fashion line hit the internet — complete with sketches — Lindsay has been accused of copying designs by two separate designers, reports WWD. First, James Lillis, designer of Black Milk Clothing, took to his blog, toomanytights.typepad.com, to point out the similarities between Lindsay’s “Diamond” leggings and his own “Sheer Spartan” leggings — both of which boast a signature triangle cutout at mid-thigh. Next,Fashionista.com labeled Lindsay’s geometric dress as a dead ringer for a Jen Kao dress the star wore only last month — to which designer Jen Kao responded to WWD, saying, “While we are all well aware that being ‘mimicked’ or ‘copied’ has always existed in this industry, I think the evolution of it all has grown to an alarming level. It’s a shame to support the concept of taking advantage of designers who are still trying to develop a name and solidify the image of their design aesthetic.” While Lindsay has yet to respond to the accusations against her, Kristi Kaylor, president of 6126, defended Lindsay and the integrity of her designs to WWD, saying, “The alleged ‘copying’ claims made by these companies are false and have absolutely no merit or validity whatsoever. Any alleged similarities are purely coincidental. The 6126 illustrations for the upcoming fall 2010 collections do not even describe the fabric content, fit or actual construction details of the garments. This is merely an accusation based upon a pencil sketch with no concrete viable evidence to back up the allegations.”

Are you goddamn kidding me?  “Alleged” similarities?  Get the fuck out.  The 6126 “Diamond” leggings sketch is shown here on the left, and Black Milk Clothing’s “Sheer Spartan” leggings are shown on the right.

Image via Too Many Tights

And here’s the dress design Lindsay stole from Jen Kao:

Image via Fashionista

These are not “alleged similarities” and I can’t believe that anyone, even coked-up Lindsay Lohan and her retarded lackeys, would have the unmitigated gall to dump such a ridiculous bucket of bullshit.  These 6126 sketches are goddamn identical to the work of other designers.  Jesus, at this point it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Lindsay Lohan drew a picture of the Eiffel Tower in crayon and then claimed she built it.

Kourtney Kardashian was robbed, and I’m not just talking of any good looks or discernible talent. I mean like she was robbed-robbed. According to TMZ

Kourtney returned to her Calabasas townhome Saturday night at about 8:30 PM and discovered the break-in.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars of jewelry was reportedly taken, [including] Kourtney’s Cartier watch worth around $30,000, an expensive Rolex owned by her boyfriend, and diamond hoops.

The home is in a gated community.

I bet the robbers were able to sneak past the guards at the gate by hiding in the crook of Kim Kardashian’s ass the last time she visited. Hell, you could probably fit another two look-outs and a getaway car in there if you got the angle just right.

Leaving a hair salon last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

It turns out that the dude arrested for allegedly burglarizing Lindsay Lohan’s home earlier this month was actually a friend of hers. What a surprise! TMZ says

Several people who worked with her on the movie “Labor Pains” — which was shot last year — [said] they saw Nick Prugo hanging out on the set with Lindsay. One person who worked on the set estimates she saw them together at least 10 times.

Prugo — who is 18 — was arrested for cocaine possession last February. He plead guilty and was placed in a drug diversion program. He was also arrested last month for DUI.

Boy, theft, DUI, cocaine arrest — throw in throat gonorrhea and he could be Lindsay’s long-lost twin brother. They’re so alike, it’s almost spooky!

Leaving Boa restaurant on Saturday:

A wall safe and a couple of watches were stolen when three men broke into Lindsay Lohan’s house over the weekend, but you didn’t think there was actually money or jewelery in the safe, did you? Ha ha, of course not! It’s Lindsay Lohan! We all know she hasn’t gotten paid in months. According to the Chicago Sun-Times

The real reason Lindsay Lohan is so upset about the theft of the safe from her L.A. house is the contents included some very incriminating videos and photos, plus legal documents, that LiLo believes could cause embarrassment if made public.

The shit’s about to hit the fan, and what Lindsay needs now more than ever is a real mother. That leathery old bag she’s got flapping around her when the cameras are rolling doesn’t count. She needs somebody without an agenda. Someone to pick her up when she falls face-first on a penis. Someone with direction and compassion. Someone who’s proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they have what it takes to care for other people. And I don’t like to brag, but I’ve proven that to Child Protective Services like three times in the last year and a half. Call me, Linz!

UPDATE: Lindsay just kinda confirmed this, tweeting “i know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren’t taken… just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me.” Read: nekkid pictures.

Looking high as a kite while shopping last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Hundreds of ‘highly intimate’ images of French First Lady Carla Bruni and an ex-lover were stolen over the weekend while she and President Nicolas Sarkozy were on an official trip to Spain. Vivre le vagin! According to Daily Mail

On Sunday night thieves broke into the flat of actor Julien Enthoven, who is [Carla's former lover] Raphael Enthoven’s younger brother. Raphael entrusted the pictures to his brother because he did not want them to embarrass his new partner or Mr. Sarkozy, said a detective working on the case.

‘The thieves appeared to know exactly what they were looking for – taking highly intimate prints, a camera full of further images, videos, and numerous computer files,’ said the source. ‘Nothing else was taken.’

Police now fear that thieves could take advantage of Miss Bruni’s status as an international sex symbol by selling the pictures for hundreds of thousands of pounds, [or] they could be posted on the web so as to cause maximum embarrassment to Mr. Sarkozy.

Now, I might have never been north of the Mason-Dixon line, but I did live in Mexico under the name “Conchita Juanita Frijole” for six months while an unfortunate incident with the Dade County Sheriff’s Department was ironed out, so if there’s one thing I know, it’s many nuances of international culture. And I, for one, don’t see what the big screamin’ deal here is. I’ve actually read that in France, this whole “naked thing” is practically de riguer. There’s even a place where all the naked French ladies go to dance. Apparently it’s right by a hole in the wall where the men can see it all. Too bad the whole world isn’t as well-versed in multiculturalism as I am.

Since those picts haven’t made their way on line yet, some oldy-but-goody NSFW nudes of Ms. Bruni:

Once again Winona Ryder finds herself the victim of a “misunderstanding” that could easily be construed as “blatant theft” — a diamond ring and bracelet on loan to Klepty McStealsalot mysteriously went missing from her Madrid hotel. TMZ says

Winona was in Madrid Sunday for a Marie Claire event. Marie Claire had given Winona a [$125,000] Bulgari bracelet and a ring to wear, [along with] a dress and shoes.

After Winona left Madrid, the bracelet and ring turned up missing. Winona claimed she went to the front desk at the hotel and gave the jewelry to the front desk, but the surveillance cam doesn’t show her doing that.

So… security cameras can be used to prove your innocence? Wow. Didn’t see that one coming. I’ll just be adding that to my “Reasons to Install a Hidden Camera in My Anus” list, right between “extreme impact porn market” and “irrefutable proof of alien probes.” Note to self: genius.

Wearing the jewelery in question at the Marie Claire Prix de la Mode Awards last week: