Jennifer Aniston gave David Letterman the infamous tie from her GQ shoot last night while on The Late Show promoting her new movie “Marley & Me.” I have to say, Dave was a lot more professional about it than I would have been. He just puts it around his neck and ties it. I would have first sniffed it like a dog over a molehill and then grabbed either end and rubbed it back and forth over my crotch like I was flossing my genitals while muttering, “Oh, yeah, baby — that’s the stuff” through clenched teeth. Perhaps this is why I still don’t have my own talk show.

Oh, yeah, baby — that’s the stuff:

Leaving Letterman:

A naked Jennifer Aniston looks hot as hell in nothing but her patriotic tie on the cover of next month’s GQ magazine. I mean… wow. God. Damn. But being Jennifer Aniston, she goes and opens her big fat stupid mouth and ruins it for the rest of us. The Daily Mail quotes her as telling GQ

‘The funny thing is that people don’t realize [Angelina and Brad and I] all go away to the Hamptons on the weekends. No. But can you imagine? That’d be hysterical. I’ve got Zahara on my hip, and Knox…’

[When asked if she was still in touch with Pitt]: ‘We don’t not talk.’

That’s just sad, isn’t it? I’ve seen footage of illegal immigrants clinging to driftwood that wasn’t as desperate or boner-crushing. On the plus side, though, you’re pretty much guaranteed she’ll try anal. Possibly even pay your car note and student loan. Like momma always said, “Desperate is as desperate does, baby!”

In this month’s Vogue because the GQ photoshoot isn’t out yet: