Casey Johnson, heiress to the Johnson & Johnson fortune and “fiancée” of Tila Tequila, was found dead in her LA home at age 30.  From People:

[Johnson's] death was announced by Tequila on her Twitter page and confirmed by police.

“Everyone please pray 4 my Wifey Casey Johnson,” Tequila wrote. “She has passed away. Thank u for all ur love and support but I will be offline to be w/ family.”‘

Los Angeles police and firefighters were called to a house at 11:51 a.m. Monday. Johnson was pronounced dead at the scene.

“It appears to be a natural death,” says police Officer Sara Faden. “There’s no evidence of foul play. A toxicology report from the coroner’s office will proceed next.”

Johnson, who leaves a toddler daughter Ava whom she had adopted, was the great-great granddaughter of the founder of the pharmaceutical giant, and the daughter of New York Jets owner Robert Wood Johnson.

An openly gay socialite, Johnson had a knack for attracting paparazzi – and trouble. A nasty fight with ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel, daughter of former Yahoo chief Terry Semel, reportedly resulted in Johnson’s hair catching on fire last October. Then in November, she was arrested for allegedly breaking into another former girlfriend’s house.

Meh, who cares?  Yeah, I know that’s cruel and inhumane and whatnot, but I’m an asshole so that shouldn’t surprise you.  Seriously, does anyone actually CARE that this chick died?  She’s like a less-famous version of Paris Hilton, and people would only care if Paris died in the sense that they would want to plan a party to celebrate the occasion.

Anyway, there’s lots of speculation about prescription drugs being the cause of death, but I’m betting what actually happened is that Casey Johnson somehow realised she was engaged to Tila goddamn Tequila, and she died of shame on the spot.  I don’t know if “shame” shows up in an autopsy, though, so this mystery may never be solved.

Barfity barf barf BARF! Who thinks mega cooze Tila Tequila would make a good surrogate mother? Her brother and sister-in-law do, apparently.  The Apocalypse will shortly ensue.  Says NYDailyNews,

The 27-year-old (whose real name is Tila Ngyuen) tweeted her “big announcement” on Sunday, “I am going to become a SURROGATE MOTHER for my brother and his Wife!!…That is my xmas present to them.”

Though Tila has not revealed any new details about the decision, she did recently receive a pretty huge gift of her own – a 17-carat diamond engagement ring from heiress Casey Johnson.

“My baby takes care of me,” Tila recently said in a video blog. “Beat that J.Lo! Beat that Khloe and Lamar!”

We can probably look forward to rises to a new level of skank while she’s pregnant, like taking video of herself masturbating or something else equally deviant. Poor kid is going to come out traumatized. I wouldn’t trust a dog I liked with her. Not because she’s Vietnamese and would eat it, but because she’s probably have sex with it.

With her “fiancée” Casey Johnson, showing off her 17-carat “engagement” ring, plus bending over so she can show where the baby will come out:

PHOTO SOURCE: PACIFIC COAST NEWS

After Rihanna told the host of the Big Boy Radio Show that she would like to “turn off” Tila Tequila and claimed to have “seen her with a drink in her hand at an awards show even though she supposedly doesn’t drink,” Tila has of course gone on the offensive by ranting and raving about STD’s on the interwebs. According to Nine MSN,

Among [Tila's] accusations is that Rihanna is “always drunk”, has a ten-person entourage, and sings off-key, and that [she] has herpes.

Tila wrote on her site, “I heard from legit sources, that is the HUGE SECRET our prestine, perfect little Princess RiRi has been hiding from the media. A very close source of mine, who works in the same legal camp as Rihanna, has told me that the reason why Rihanna wasn’t speaking out about the CHRIS BROWN incident is because Rihanna has herpes and gave someone else herpes that she had slept with.

My sources are very legit, and they work in Rihanna’s legal camp, and that is how I know! SO RIHANNA HAS HERPES, STD’S & WAS SCARED TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT IT CUZ SHE DIDN’T WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT SHE HAS HERPES AND INFECTED SOMEONE ELSE WITH IT! BAD RIHANNA!

So while you cascade around town, acting like yo shit don’t stink, and leading the media and your fans into thinking that you are a strong woman, and idol, well….it’s a shame you had to trick them into thinking you are, because truth is, you’re infecting people with your STD’s, when really, in real life you are just a major bitch who could give 2 shits about your fans and all the people who have been supporting you!”

Given that it’s Tila Tequila, I imagine her “legitimate source” is actually a the tiny snowman who lives in her freezer. Or possibly one of the voices inside of her head. You can bet that Rihanna’s lawyer’s are going to be on this shit like Britney Spears on a Sizzler buffet.

Rihanna leaving the SNL afterparty Saturday night (row 1) and performing on GMA last week here (rows 2 & 3); read the entire rant from her website after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

(more…)

Although she made a living off of being naked, reality star (?) Tila Tequila doesn’t want you watching her “stolen” sex tape. According to TMZ

Just days after she Ustreamed herself in a naked rant, a new XXX video surfaced on a porn site called 4tube.com featuring Tila in a very compromising adult position with a naked man.

Tila doesn’t know why the video is surfacing now, but she claims it was ripped from a laptop that she reported stolen roughly two years ago — and now she’s threatening to sue the site for posting the clip.

The only thing surprising about this is that it’s been this long without a Tila Tequila sex tape on the interwebs. I just assumed she already had one or twenty of ‘em out there. Didn’t you? It’s like finding out the Hanukkah Fairy isn’t Jewish or that your mom isn’t a whore. Okay, okay — settle down — geez, I’m just being facetious here. Everybody already knows your mom’s a whore. I was just using that as a frame of reference.

You can watch an NSFW 8 second preview clip here.

UPDATE: Now with unintentionally hilarious video of her taking out a chair during a live Ustream striptease!

All thumbs NSFW, unless it’s Ugly Naked Leprechaun Day where you live:

Just four days after she filed a $1.5 million lawsuit for battery and false imprisonment against ex-boyfriend Shawne Merriman, Tila Tequila publicly entered the realm of cuckoo bananas by ranting nude for hours in front of a webcam. Nine MSN says

The reality star’s antics included doing a striptease, waving a gun around, removing a tampon and masturbating in front of the camera.

She also took the opportunity to defend herself against all her haters.

“People call me an attention whore … or whatever,” she ranted. “But excuse me, I’m a grown ass woman and I’m confident in myself … I think a woman’s body is a beautiful thing … that’s why I’m a lesbian … I was born naked … anybody who is against that is gay and in denial.”

She later declared, “I am an angel … because I am here to save the world with my army.”

Unfortunately, you can’t watch Tila pull out her Tampax or rub the monkey anymore, because her lawyer went and pulled all the videos. According to TMZ

[Tila's attorney says] he thinks the domestic violence incident with Shawne in September may have “pushed her over the edge.”

[However, he] acknowledges something is seriously wrong with Tila and he’s trying to figure out how to get her some help.

Um, yeah. Bitch is completely fucking insane. She thinks she has an army? Please! You’d be lucky to find three dudes that still give a shit about her busted-ass implants, much less an entire army. If she were any more delusional, she’d be Kathy Lee Gifford.

A couple of screen caps from the video:

After weathering the beating Shawn Merriman gave her last month, Tila Tequila took to her Twitter page last Monday to announce that she has decided to commit suicide. Of course, she’s now backpedaling by password-protecting her page, as if that could magically erase from the interwebs all the stupid shit she tweeted and make everyone forget about her two-week death deadline. MSNBC obtained the following tweet:

“I am going to kill myself cuz I don’t want to live in a world where its filled with IGNORANCE! which majority of you ARE! & racists!”

And then there were these tweets (via Just Online Movies):

“It woulda been tonite I ended my life, but my friend caught me and stopped me. So I told him I will give him two more weeks.

No one can stop me. I am not depressed or unhappy! My life is amazing. It’s not about that though! God spoke to me and told me I am needed up there.

Dont be afraid of death as death is highly misunderstood. Death is very peaceful, serene, and welcoming for me. I have long awaited this.

We all have to go at some point in time, but my time is soon, so i can finally rest my mind. 2 more weeks and then we shall say goodbye.

I will give u two more weeks, but after that i shall be leaving. 2 more weeks until u weep for my life that has finally ended.”

Well, from what I remember from the movie, leprechauns always go for the retarded one first. That ought to make killing herself pretty easy. Plus, shooting a four-leaf clover in the ol’ kisser shouldn’t be too hard for a girl who’s made a career out of taking it in the mouth. It only makes sense she should die that way.

At Mr. Chow on Sunday, plus NSFW naked pics after the jump:

(more…)

Tila Tequila made a point to display her Shawne Merriman-inspired bruises for all the paps’ cameras in her first public appearance since the alleged beating on Sunday. Big fucking deal, right? A couple of lateral bruises on the upper arms. Psshhht. I’m pretty sure Nicole Brown Simpson would have called that shit “foreplay.”

San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman of the was taken into custody over the weekend after allegedly choking media whore Tila Tequila at his home. TMZ says

San Diego Sheriff’s deputies responded to a call [Sunday] morning at 3:45 AM [in which] Tila claimed [to have been] “choked and physically restrained” by Merriman after she tried to leave his residence.

Tila was transported to a local hospital while Merriman was taken into custody. [He] is accused of battery and false imprisonment.

Merriman denied all the charges against him, claiming that Tila was “extremely inebriated” and he had only tried to prevent her from leaving because she was in no state to drive a vehicle. He said in a statement

“On September 6, 2009 the San Diego Sheriff’s Department responded to a citizen’s complaint that was initiated by Tila Nguyen (aka Tila Tequila). I was taken into custody based upon that complaint. At the time, I was concerned about her welfare given the intoxicated state she appeared to be in and I encouraged her to stay until safe transportation could be provided.

We would all do our best to help a friend if we considered their actions to be detrimental to their personal safety. I in no way caused any harm to Ms. Nguyen, however, paramedics were called and she was examined but no injuries were reported. She was released and has since returned to Los Angeles, California.

There have been no charges filed against me. I want to thank the San Diego Sheriff’s Department for their professionalism. I will continue to cooperate fully with the Department, and I look forward to clearing my name regarding these false allegations. I want to put this behind me so I can continue to focus on a successful season for the San Diego Chargers.”

Look, if you want to make a Leprechaun grant you a wish, all you have to do is catch it. Choking is only necessary if they’re trying to get a hold of your marshmallow cereal.

With a big snake in Polish CKM:

I was going to do separate Best and Worst Dressed lists, but let’s face it — this year’s Video Music Awards brought out the usual cavalcade of heinous fashion disasters, and out of the bunch at best anything could be categorized as “Acceptably Dressed” — so I’m going to just lump it all together. If there was an overall theme to this year’s VMAs, I’d have to say it was “Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman Before She Got All Fancy and Still Wore Whore Outfits,” as evidenced by Rhianna here. This look is saying “Upscale Melrose Hooker” all the way.

More fashion commentary after the jump!

(more…)