The 38-year-old comedienne was attacked by a stranger in a violent slashing incident when she was five. “It was in, like, the front yard of her house, and somebody who just came up,” Fey’s husband says in an interview with Vanity Fair.
Fey says she doesn’t like to rehash the incident because “it’s impossible to talk about it without somehow seemingly exploiting it and glorifying it… I’m kind of able to forget about [the scar], until I was on-camera, and it became a thing of ‘Oh, I guess we should use this side’ or whatever.”
That just goes to show you the power of a name. Get knifed in the face and your name is upbeat and perky, chances are good that you’ll still live a life of success. Get knifed in the face and your name is something like “Solomon Grundy” or “Oswald Cobblepot,” and you’re going to end up plotting your revenge from a sewer with flippers instead of hands. That’s precisely why no comic book villains are ever named “Tina.” Fact.
In case you missed it, Saturday Night Live is airing special Thursday night episodes until Election Day so that Tina Fey can get as much mileage out of Sarah Palin as humanly possible. Last night’s highlight was a sketch that reunited Will Ferrell as George Bush with Tina Fey (of course, as Sarah Palin). Boy, it’s a good thing the Oval Office is a “bummer-free” zone, because MSNBC says
Before [today's] open, the Dow Jones industrial average futures fell the maximum allowed limit… [and] triggered “circuit breakers” that automatically [froze] selling until the market’s 9:30 a.m. open. The Standard & Poor’s 500 index futures index was also down the maximum allowed 60 points to 855.20, and the Nasdaq 100 index futures was down the maximum allowed 85.00 at 1,175.75.
For those of you who invest in Pick Three and Aces High, congratulations. You just schooled Wall Street and the global economy in one swift scratch-off. For the rest of us, the only way this shit could be any more depressing is if it were somehow superimposed onto Bambi’s mother.
Tina Fey’s spot-on impression of Sarah Palin has not only driven Saturday Night Live’s ratings through the effing roof, but it has also sparked the interest of the Vice Presidential nominee herself. MSNBC reports
If you’re among those who speculate that the only thing better than Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live” would be Sarah Palin making a cameo on the show, there might be hope yet. If the buzz is to be believed, the NBC show is working to get the vice-presidential candidate and Alaska governor on air before the election.
If Sarah Palin wants to get a laugh, she should show up in that Stars ‘n Stripes bikini with a rifle over her shoulder and a baby and a polar belt pelt tucked under each arm. And she should only speak in the thickest Fargo accent ever and wink like she’s a meth addict with Tourette’s and blather on about the End of Days and gays going to hell and such and such. So pretty much what she already does word-for-word, but in the swimsuit with the props. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson, “It’s funny because it’s true!” The joke’s on you, America! I’m not sure whether we’re supposed to cry or laugh here.
The Emmy Awards happened last night. It was their 60th anniversary, so they decided to celebrate with the most boring show in the history of the universe, hosted by the shanty town of tool sheds pictured above. Okay, so Heidi Klum isn’t a complete tool shed, at least comparatively. She is, however, dressed like a lunatic. There’s some sort of inexplicable grandma shawl, and her earrings look like they’re attacking her face. I guess it’s fine though, since she only wore this getup for about fifteen minutes. I stopped keeping track of her wardrobe changes after the third or fourth time I fell asleep. I’ve seen class plays at elementary schools that were more entertaining than the Emmys.
Because I am a giver and I suffer for you, I watched the entire sideshow of somnolence and I can tell you that there were exactly three funny moments. Jesus, the show was boring. Josh Groban did this… I don’t even know, it was some kind of singing thing that felt like what would happen during a telethon in hell, and it lasted for about eleven and a half hours. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. Oh look, Christina Hendricks is here to help!
