Because there just wasn’t enough genital herpes in her life, Miley Cyrus’ mother Tish threw away 17 years of marriage to have an affair with rocker Bret Michaels. And by default every whore on Rock of Love Bus before her. Every rose has its unbearable rash, right? Us Magazine says:

Michaels, 47, “became close to the entire family” this past February when he and Miley released the racy duet “Nothing to Lose.” He and Tish, 43, soon began carrying on an on-the-sly romance.

When Billy Ray learned of [the affair] – as well as at least one other fling – he filed for divorce Oct. 27.

Tish was seen at Michaels’ Feb. 28 show at the Key Club in L.A., and he had once asked her production company’s help to adapt his book, Roses & Thorns, into a movie.

“Billy Ray was completely unaware of what was going on,” the source says of the “Achy Breaky Heart” crooner.

I don’t wanna call bullshit, but I’m pretty sure I already saw this Hee-Haw. All that’s missing is the part where Minnie Pearl pops up out of a corn field and yells “How-deee!” and somebody sounds a banjo.

See-through screencaps of Miley in Rock Mafia’s new video The Big Big Bang:

Achy breaky heart indeed. People Magazine says:

Miley Cyrus’s parents, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, are divorcing after 17 years of marriage.

“As you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for our family,” they say in a statement. “We are trying to work through some personal matters. We appreciate your thoughts and prayers.”

Divorce papers were filed Wednesday in Tennessee citing irreconcilable differences. The couple have five children, including the pop star.

Divorce can be hard on a family, but it can also provide new opportunities for growth. Like when my third husband and I divorced, for example. I finally had the time to learn Klingon AND Tolkein Elvish. That’s not something I could have done still tethered to the old ball and chain. Á lasta lalienya! bortaS bIr jablu’DI’ reH QaQqu’ nay!

Tish with her kids; Miley wearing Daisy Dukes and a bindi:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

There are so many things wrong with this picture, I don’t even know where to begin. Like Miley Cyrus‘ mom, for starters. She looks like a porn star who peaked in the early 90′s but still dances topless on the weekend at a titty bar off I-81. You can almost smell the Hepatitis C and Merit Ultra Lights from here. Miley can’t find a goddamn bra or a normal-size pair of sunglasses to save her life, and she’s been under the misguided impression that Edward Scissorhanding your clothes somehow makes them fashionable. But that’s not even the worst of it. Not even close. That distinguished honor goes to the ten-year old flashing her push-up bra and a pair of cutoff Daisy Dukes. If the Taliban ever needed a poster child for the Great Satan, I think I’ve found their girl right here.

Tish, Miley and Noah at Patty’s Diner in Toluca Lake:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Hi guys, it’s Sonya today. Did you know that nipples can stick to ice? It’s true. Just ask Abby when she gets back.

So, the Grammys happened last night, and like the dedicated blogger that I am, I didn’t watch them. I don’t really care who gets what, because it’s all a bunch of crap anyway. They never mention my favorite group, Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, so I don’t bother. I am interested in what everyone wore, so here we go:

Taylor Swift’s dress fits kind of weird, I think.

Rihanna chose to let her dress do the choking

During a lapse in security, crazy lady Phoebe Price slipped in, as did super-classy Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Pink didn’t need to sneak in, she just snarled at security

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