Katy Perry is neither interesting nor talented, wears too much goddamn makeup, and everything she owns looks like it was made from polyester and lycra at 579. So why all the pictures, you ask? Well, two reasons: “because they’re there” and “because I hate you.” No, I’m just kidding. It’s her boobs. C’mon, where did you think I was going with this?

At the Samsung Party at Boulevard 3 Wednesday night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

It’s like my mom always said — subtlety is for pussies. That’s why you should always remove your g-string using only the heel of your lucite platforms and take lots of bird’s-eye pictures of your own tits and post them on the internet. Coco: because waving a red flag in front of your vagina is just a little too cerebral!

Naked and topless pictures of Vanessa Hudgens were once again mysteriously leaked on to the internet today. All things considered, another nude photo scandal is probably a hell of a lot better for her career than starring in “Bandslam.” Seriously, if diarrhea could be transposed into celluloid, they’d call it “Bandslam.” I think it’s safe to say that we’d all rather see barely legal boobies than that piece of shit.

Thumbs 1,2, and 5 NSFW:

Ten years ago, the words “Kate Moss and Karen Mulder topless” would have definitely been a big deal. Of course, so would “Chumbawamba” and “Y2K.” It’s amazing the difference a decade makes.

All thumbs NSFW:

Remember that scene in “The Shining” when Jack Nicholson’s wife looks through his manuscript and discovers it’s 200 pages of the same sentence written over and over again? Well, around these parts, it’s celebrity bikini pictures over and over again instead of “all work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” Welcome to my own Sisyphean hell. When you come in here and you hear me typing, or whether you DON’T hear me typing, or whatever the FUCK you hear me doing, when I’m in here, it means that I am working, THAT means don’t come in. Now, do you think you can handle that? Can you?! God, won’t somebody please kill me already.

Katy Perry at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami Saturday:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Just look at how British glamour model Keeley Hazell bravely continues to defy archaic Hollywood standards. Her pictures say “see, you don’t have to be twenty pounds underweight or bleach blond to make it in this industry!” Apparently all you need are gigantic tits and a chronic aversion to clothing. The world is practically our fucking oyster, ladies!

All thumbs NSFW:

Ever wondered what Hermione Granger’s nipples would look like? Well, (NSFW) Boobicus Appearicus! A former boyfriend of Emma Watson claims to have taken the photo, but you can do a lot with PhotoShop these days, and I can’t vouch for its authenticity. But as Professor Dumbledore once said, “Boobies are boobies.” Erectus Weeniosa!

UPDATE: So it’s definitely a fake.