Evan Rachel Wood likes to think she’s pushing the envelope with her new androgynyous haircut and her tiny androgynous breasts, but I find her entire Flaunt shoot completely trite and cliched. It’s the sorta crap a first-year art student who’s just come out of the closet in the big city would post in his online gallery under the title “Duality of Being: the Dénouement.”

90210 “actress” AnnaLynne McCord “accidentally” posted a topless picture of herself on Twitter yesterday. And then she “accidentally” alerted her followers about it before she finally took it down. The Daily Mail says:

24-year-old [McCord] sent the snap to female fan Megan Lujan after plenty of previous exchanges but also alerted the rest of her Twitter followers to it last week.

She wrote alongside it: ‘This is for you @meganraee You rock! Xxx A.’

But when fans noticed her nipple was visible in the image McCord pulled the original post down and replaced it with a cropped version.

Who among us hasn’t accidentally taken a picture of themselves topless? It’s a lot more common than you think. You’re sitting there, minding your own business, when all of the sudden, whoops! — your cell phone’s out and your bra’s off. And now — uh-oh! — you’re uploading it to your favorite social networking site. If I had a nickel for every time one of my aereolas inadvertently wound up on the interwebs, you can bet I’d be like a seven-thousandaire by now.

AnnaLynne McCord and Sara Foster filming in Beverly Hills:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Not only is Sienna Miller reportedly pregnant with her first child, but word on the street is that she’s also engaged to long-time boyfriend Tom Sturridge. The Daily Mail says:

The 30-year-old actress, who has been dating actor Tom for just over a year, is believed to have broken the news to friends and family just before Christmas.

Her sister Savannah Miller tweeted today: ‘THRILLED.’

Life & Style magazine [is also] alleging that Tom proposed to Sienna in Paris over Christmas.

Babies and weddings are boring, so instead I thought we’d take a trip down memory lane. Remember that one time Sienna Miller was topless? Yeah… good times. And then there’s that one time she was topless and sucking face with a married man. And then she was topless on her balcony. And at the beach. And on a boat. And here, well, she’s just full-on naked. Reminiscing sure is fun!

Lady Gaga is in this month’s issue of L’Uomo Vogue magazine. I have no idea what this magazine is about, but it looks like they rolled her around in the garbage compactor aboard the Tantive IV. All I can say is, spray her with gold paint and she’d have C-3PO short circuiting.

Sports Illustrated model Irina Shayk goes topless-but-covered in next month’s Esquire UK, but just how Esquire has the balls to charge 4.25 British pounds for a fucking handbra when you could see her boobs here for free right here is beyond me. I was all ready to get huffy and write an outraged letter to the editor when it occurred to me, “Wait a minute — it’s Esquire.” I don’t think “balls” even even factor into the equation here.

This is supposedly a pic of Miley Cyrus topless as she changed in the VIP area of some club in Spain back in May — presumably from the same set of leaked cell phone pics that came out soon after her iPhone was hacked — but somehow it’s just now hitting the interwebs, either because it’s a fake, or because TrainReq decided to play that ace he’d had up his sleeve this whole time. Either way you slice it, you still end up with free boobs. It’s your classic win-win scenario.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

It’s nice to know that the Christmas spirit is still alive and well these days. That means different things to different people. It might mean anonymously paying off someone’s Christmas layaway. If you’re “English glamour model” Rhian Sugden, that means letting lesbian hobbit look-alike artist Fanny Gogh paint holly berries on your nipples and let some random firemen in on the action. Personally, I think her idea is better. Give a child a toy, and he’ll remember it for a couple of weeks. Take him to go paint some bimbo’s tits, and he’ll remember it for a lifetime. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Amber Heard’s lesbian lover is some fancy photographer, so she took a bunch of artsy black-and-whites of Amber, and she’s topless in a few of them. Okay… she’s topless in one of them. Look, it’s better than eight lords-a-leaping. Keep it up, and next time it’s that and fruitcake.

Photos by Tasya van Ree:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

You’d think anyone would be smart to the fact that it’s never a good idea to pin high hopes on Lindsay Lohan–that is, unless you’re waging on her being drunk, stoned, or late. Then yeah, go for it. Playboy apparently didn’t get the memo and are freaking out now that their cover of Lindsay got leaked yesterday. Technically that’s not Lindsay’s fault, but the girl is bad news. TMZ says,

Lindsay Lohan’s highly classified Playboy photo shoot leaked to the Internet this morning — one week before the issues was set to hit newsstands — and TMZ has learned Playboy honchos are “freaking out.”

First off — the pics aren’t bad … it’s a Marilyn Monroe thing … and it works.

Playboy sources tell us … there are fears the leak could significantly damage sales of the magazine … which is expected to be the best seller of the year.

The shoot was a massive investment for Playboy — the mag shelled out nearly $1 million to Lohan for the spread and we’re told the company has printed thousands of extra copies in anticipation of a sales boom.

Is there really that high of a demand to see an alcoholic coke head topless? Shit, all I have to do is drive downtown Saturday morning and there’s bound to be one passed out in the gutter. I don’t have to pay for a magazine, and there’s the added bonus of getting a um, more tactile experience. Playboy doesn’t have honkable boobs, now do they? Bingo.

*UPDATE* Check out the spread here

Here’s something you won’t see downtown in the gutter: Diane Kruger sideboob!

The 2012 Pirelli Calendar calendar — easily the most pretentious of all your gratuitous-titties-masquerading-as-art calendars — is set for release at the end of this year, and a preview of this year’s famous racks include those of Kate Moss, Lara Stone, Mila Jovovich and Isabeli Fontana. I’ve never wanted to seize the day with both hands before. And then motorboat the day like there was no tomorrow.

Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr is completely naked in these two black and white pics from INDUSTRIE Magazine #4, but you can only see her nipple in one of them. And even then, the rest of her lower half looks like a weird assemblage of limbs and cadaver parts, like what you might see if you looked down into an open mass grave outside a concentration camp. And frankly, those kinda thoughts make it take twice as long to masturbate, and I just don’t have that kinda time. I have anime battles to re-enact. Bring me my dueling swords and my furry tail!

Lady Gaga bemoans her inability to be “truly cherished” by a man in the January issue of Vanity Fair. What naked single leg hip extensions have to do with that I’m sure I don’t know. The Daily Mail says:

In a stunning admission she told Vanity Fair: “I have never felt truly cherished by a lover. I have an inability to know what happiness feels like with a man.

I have this effect on people where it starts out good… and then they hate me.”

Gaga said she’s endured emotional break-ups that have been followed up with impromptu proposals.

But her response is: “How fuckin’ romantic, you asshole. Sure pop a ring on my finger and make it all better. I can buy myself a fuckin’ ring!”

That’s right, she can buy herself a fuckin’ ring. And she can fuck herself, too, what with the penis and everything. So what the hell does she need you for? You’d really just be in the way.