I would read Cat Fancy or Progressive Grocer before I ever picked up a copy of any magazine that claimed Shia LaBeouf was “the most honest and complex actor alive,” but Details does just that in their latest issue. In the interview, Shia bitches, moans, pisses and complains no less than 17 times before claiming he boned Megan Fox in the next-to-last paragraph. Always wanna end on a high note, those honest and complex types. Details says:

Asked if he hooked up with Fox, LaBeouf nods affirmatively. “Look, you’re on the set for six months, with someone who’s rooting to be attracted to you, and you’re rooting to be attracted to them,” he explains. “I never understood the separation of work and life in that situation. But the time I spent with Megan was our own thing, and I think you can see the chemistry onscreen.”

When I inquire about Fox’s status at the time with her longtime boyfriend, Brian Austin Green, LaBeouf replies, “I don’t know, man. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know,” repeating the phrase exactly 12 times with various intonations, as if trying to get it just right. Finally, he says, “It was what it was.”

If you had banged Megan Fox, you’d be shouting it from the damn rooftops, not shaking your head in befuddlement before coming up with some infuriatingly evasive cliche like “it was what it was.” That’s the kind of cop-out answer that falls under the heading “Vague and Nondescript Answers You Give Your Buddies When You Get Denied,” along with such favorites as “well, stuff happened” and “sorry, but I don’t kiss and tell.”

PHOTO SOURCE: Details Magazine

News broke late yesterday afternoon that Megan Fox had been fired from the third installation of the Transformers movie. This coming from somebody who hasn’t seen a single one of the Transformers movies and won’t ever see a single one of the Transformer movies, unless Russian spies tie me to a chair and hook a car battery up to my nipples and forcibly pry my eyelids open to make me watch it in their misguided attempts to make me turn on my own country. Then I’d be willing to take one for the team in the name of national security. Some might even call me a hero. Yahoo News says:

A source at Paramount told Access Hollywood that Megan, who played star Shia LaBeouf’s love interest in the franchise, would not return for the third movie, [saying] that in order to take Shia’s character in a new direction, it was better if Sam wasn’t tied down to a love interest.

Perhaps instead of calling Michael Bay Hitler and publicly bashing the movie, she should have shown a little gratitude for being given the opportunity to bend over and look pretty in his piece of shit movie. But I guess none of that really matters, because it was Megan Fox who quit that bitch anyway, not the other way around.

Reps for the actress [claimed] that it was Megan’s decision to leave the movie.

“Megan Fox will not be starring in ‘Transformers 3,’” the reps told People magazine. “It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”

Except maybe not:

Nikki Finke, who first reported the news for Deadline that Megan was out, claimed that decision was “ultimately” director Michael Bay’s.

Sorry, but you can’t get fired if you quit first. Those are the rules. That’s what those little asterisks next to the employment history section of my résumé very clearly state.

Filming “Passion Play” with Mickey Rourke earlier this month:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Several anonymous Transformers 2 crew members posted an open letter about Megan Fox on director Michael Bay’s official website — and they were, uh, less than complimentary, to say the least. The NY Daily News says

“We’ve had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both Transformers movies,” read the letter, which was taken down from the site after being read by thousands of fans. “And yes we’ve had the unbearable time of watching her try to act on set, and yes, it’s very cringe-able.

Megan is the queen of… trailer trash and posing like a porn star… [and] a thankless, classless, graceless, unfriendly [bitch].”

Boy, that’s practically word-for-word the toast I used at my stepmom’s bridal shower. Except I closed with “And you’re not the fucking boss of me, Tina!” and slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall. I always like to aim for a strong finish.

At NY Fashion Week, plus bonus stills of her making out with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer’s Body after the jump:

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Megan Fox is not only jaw-droppingly gorgeous, she’s also a bonafide genius. Need proof? The Daily Mail says

She [says of] her ‘Brian’ tattoo – dedicated to on/off boyfriend Brian Austin Green: ‘I wouldn’t regret the tattoo if we weren’t together. I can always have a kid and name him Brian. There are options.’

That’s fucking brilliant. Now I just have to have a couple of kids and name them “Yosemite Sam” and “In Loving Memory: Bubba ‘Cooter’ Wallace 1973 — 1991 R.I.P.” and my lower back won’t seem so fucking stupid anymore.

Looking like a Grecian goddess at the L.A. premiere of Transformers: