The mysterious foot injury that prevented Jennifer Lopez from appearing as a guest judge on the season finale of Project Runway last Friday was noticeably absent when she competed in the Nautica Malibu Triathlon just two days later. Something smells fishy, and it’s not just JLo’s cave bacon after that four-mile run! According to MSNBC

One of the rumors swirling around Lopez’s sudden injury is that she was angry with The Weinstein Company, which produces the reality show.

“Jennifer was hoping for a part in an upcoming Weinstein film, and she was told the day before (the ‘Project Runway’ show) that she wasn’t getting it,” the source says. “She was angry, so she pulled out.”

Interestingly, that was the first time I’ve ever seen the words “angry” and “pulled out” in a sentence without the words “forgot to.” Fortunately, that’s never an issue when doing it in the butt. That’s why four out of five sluts recommend anal sex over traditional vaginal intercourse. Sure, you might have anal herpes and hemorrhoids the size of golf balls, but by God, you’re not going to end up pregnant by some dude who puked in your hair and whose last name you can’t remember! The more you know…

_{This public service announcement brought to you by the makers of Boil Ease^TM medicated wipes — because the fun doesn’t have to end where your anal fissures begin.}

JLo at the Oscar de la Renta and Marc Jacobs shows during Fashion Week:

Jennifer Lopez wants you to know it’s about time you stopped watching the stupid Olympics and paid attention to her and her upcoming triathlon. Phelps who? It’s Jenny from the Block, dummies! According to MSNBC

Lopez, who appeared on “Good Morning America” Aug. 18 to discuss her preparations for the Malibu Triathlon, was overheard saying after the segment that she “couldn’t understand why everyone is talking about that swimmer,” according to a GMA source. “She couldn’t come up with (eight-time gold-medal winner Michael) Phelps’ name, and then she yammered on about how she was the one training for a triathlon just six months after giving birth, and how that was the big story right now, not ‘the swimmer.’ ”

Okay, let’s see. Some Michael Phelps facts:

1. If you look into the eye of a hurricane you will see Michael Phelps swimming.

2. Newton’s First Law is wrong: Even if an external force is applied to Michael Phelps he will remain in the Michael Phelps state of motion.

3. Water drinks Michael Phelps.

4. Every time you see a shooting star you are really watching Michael Phelps train in space.

5. Aquaman wears Michael Phelps underwear.

6. Newborn dolphins learn to swim by watching footage of Michael Phelps.

7. Michael Phelps doesn’t swim through water, water gets out of his way.

And now, for some Jennifer Lopez facts:

1. Jennifer Lopez can eat her weight in gouda.

2. Jennifer Lopez once crushed a folding chair with her ass.

3. Jennifer Lopez can fart Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

4. Jennifer Lopez comes with saddlebags and paunch attachments.

The only way Jennifer Lopez will ever beat Michael Phelps at anything is if it involves eating her way out of a trough full of bacon, Fanta, and Christmas hams. And to the best of my knowledge, that kind of trough only exists in Britney Spears’ imagination. Plus, Michael Phelps doesn’t look like a big doughy pear in spandex. Advantage: Michael Phelps.